A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Hope everyone's doing okay today (:
I had the sh*ttest day EVER. Those two girls who I don't talk to anymore just kept making fun of me today. They were talking about me in Health and Safety. They kept looking over at me and whispering amongst themselves. I was really quiet all lesson. Found it really hard to stop myself dissociating, had to keep fidgeting to ground myself. At one point my foot wouldn't stop shaking. Then at the end my teacher came up to me and was like "are you okay Kathryn, you seem to be really distant and away with the fairies".
Then in tutor I was really upset and nearly started crying and kept dissociating there as well. Was really hard not to thought, I just managed to keep everything in. I looked at my tutor and she was like "oh i don't like that look". I turned away and then looked back, and then she said "you're not happy are you?" Well f*cking done Einstein. Do you a medal?
Sorry I'm in the worst mood ever, sorry for such a self indulged post... But I just feel like I'm breaking :frown:
Hazel - Perhaps wise to just wait and talk to the psych tomorrow then if things are going well with your mum at the moment. Hope you have a restful calm evening and get some sleep before tomorrow.
Kitkat - Sorry you had such a bad day. Could you talk to your tutor about what's going on? It's horrible when girls are like that, but it sounds like you handled it really well. Hope you're having a better evening.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
I don't know what to say to my tutor... I think on some levels I don't really want to say "I think I'm being bullied" because I thought I was past all that And my Mum's not well today apparently, its the 20th anniversary of my nan (her mum's) death. My grandad went "I don't think your Mum's well Kathryn". What about me? Why is eveything about me always poo-pooed and never as serious as anyone else?
kathryn~ im sorry those girls are giving you so much trouble..my daughter has been dealing with the same cra[ in school too. i hate it. .. i went thru it all in school too and with my daughter going thru it its like its me again..only now i can do something about it like go to the principle or something.. i got one girl to leave her alone for the time being .. anyhow hopefully theyll grow up and get lives and find better things to focus on.. im sorry youre going thru this hon. *hugs* Hiding
been to see the psych guy... not sure what to think right now... he's posting copying of the notes to me as I was scared of my parents finding them if I took them today (going back to London tomorrow so got another night with parents yet)
Kathryn - It sounds really horrible for you :-[ I hope that things improve for you soon, whether that is through your own dealings with the girls or whether you decide to talk to a tutor.
Hiding - How are you guys doing at the moment?
InsanityLives - Hope you are ok.
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Had therapy today. Talked about some big things and I feel positive about my new t, she seems to have good insight and understanding and is a lot more helpful in her input than my last t. Can't really remember what we talked about, I go blank afterwards, but I recorded it to go through it later.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Hazel - hope you get all the answers you need.
Insanitylives - We hope you're okay too.
Hiding - How are you all doing at the moment.
Fraction - Glad to hear it went well and that your T is good (: Happy to hear you've found someone who suits your needs (:
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Ha. I thought yesterday was the worst day. Today is. So I go home from college, where those girls weren't talking to me again and asking me about why I smoke so much weed. Yeah, like they'd ever understand. Anyhoo, I went home, and my Mum told me she went to doctors this morning. I knew that, but then she said that she told them she was feeling depressed, told them everything (I don't know what that consists of) and now she's on Citalopram. F*CK. Why is it that it's fine for her to be depressed and be on anti-depressants but the moment I say the same thing she gets all stressy and tells me I don't need them and that "I'm just a teenager". I felt like crying, went to my friend's house and then did. Why doesn't she understand? Why doesn't she listen to me? She says I'm selfish and need to takl to her about things, but she never does the same. When I said to my Grandad that I talked to my old T about SSRI's for me he was like "Back then. But you're fine now aren't you?" I felt like breaking down and just telling them everything. But instead I sat there, sucked it all in and was just like, "Yeah." Then my Mum looked at me like she knew wasn't okay but I don't really care what she thinks after today. She can look after herself, and I'll look after myself. I'm not blessed with a Mum who wants to help me on those sort of levels, or wants to look after me so I'll do it by myself. I'll have to. And I will. I'm thinking of arranging an appointment at the doctors soon, without her knowing. F*CK HER. I HATE HER SO MUCH. ARGHHHHHHHHH
actually we are doing ok.. sarah and sadie have been unsually quiet the past few days and nothing major going on inside.. just quiet..makes me wonder if that is a good thing or not.. or maybe i have made them up.. idk.. maybe they are so quiet just cause there isnt much stressing me out right now idk.. sarah still usually comes out at night when we go to sleep tho.. she likes to sleep lol anyhow idk guess things are ok..just sorta doubting myself and them again..as i always do when they are quiet..
Kathryn~ sorry about your mom .. i hate when people get all hypocritical..*rolls eyes* take care hon and if yall ever need to talk feel free to pm us ok Hiding
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Well I'm sure they're okay, I think they'd tell you if they were having problems (:
I'm just... I feel like crying. She was prescribed them 2 years ago but didn't take them. What the f*ck??? There are some people like me who cannot talk about their problems, let alone pluck up the courage to actually go and do something about it. She thinks she can just pick and choose?? And ignore me?? They don't care about me. She's only interested in herself. I don't know anymore.
I think someone else is out with me, when I came in my Grandad said I looked possessed. And I kinda feel out myself as well.
yeah its shitty imo for her to act that way and i am sorry. Hopefully if and when she gets herself to better spot shell be more attentive and understanding with you. pm if you need to talk ok?
btw yeah weve been quiiet..not much reasoon to be out lately i guess only reason i am now is cuz our daughter hurt hiding's feelings and it sorta pissed me off ,, its no biggie tho .. SADIE
ha! love it when i can take over for a while and sarah and hiding seem lost in fog far away..its nice to have privacy and totally feel like ME instead of her! =)
Hiding - I'm glad to hear that you've had a quieter and calmer few days, that's good. It doesn't mean that you've made Sarah and Sadie up! Sometimes I start to think then when the alters hide for a long time, but they are just hiding :-] Hope you have a nice weekend.
Sadie - Hope you are doing ok :-]
Kitkat - I'm so sorry, it sounds like a really difficult situation. Do you think you could talk to your mum? Perhaps she is just absorbed in her own struggles and hasn't been able to come outside of herself and notice your struggles. I know it can be very hard when people assume that things are just better now, when in actual fact it's a long and hard journey. Hang in there, and know that we are all here to support you.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Yeah I know, just HYPOCRITE!
Sorry to hear you have a headache Fraction.
Hi Izzie *waves*
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My friend is annoying me now. She's just triggering me SO BADLY. I was just on the phone to her and she was like "Urgh I'm so angry, I feel like ripping off my flesh and pulling out my hair." You cannot say that to someone who self harms? Does she not understand how incredibly irritating it is to hear that?? I have problems just trying to stop myself slashing my arm open and she can just say things like that like its anything?! And then she was like, "Does my Mum not know I threw up my food last night when I got in?" And that was triggering for me to hear too... I struggle with trying to maintain a healthy diet, let alone actually trying to keep my food down or prevent myself from restricting.
Kat -- God hearing about what your mom said makes me so mad! >:( It sounds like you're just surrounded by toxic people in general, and for that I'm so sorry.
Izzy -- Welcome to the thread! All parts of you are welcome, just let us know who is posting somehow :)
Hiding -- In response to your other selves being quiet and doubting yourselves, my parts get quiet too when things are calm. Although when I begin to think I made them up, Luke usually just comes back with some snarky comment like, "Alters need vacations too. You just ruined my trip to Aruba with all your brooding." :)
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So, I got a liver ultrasound yesterday. The doctor has to look at the images and I'll get the results on Monday.
Otherwise everyone inside is doing okay. I'm studying for the GED (a highschool equivalency exam, as I dropped out of high school), looking for a job, and going to therapy.
Hopefully everyone else is doing equally good or better :).
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
Izzie - Welcome to the thread! You and all your other sides are accepted and welcome here, and I'm looking forward to getting to know you all :-]
Kitkat - Sorry that the people around you are so triggering and insensitive. I hope that you can get a break from it all and have a better afternoon.
Hazel - Stay safe *Hugs* Here if you need to talk.
Jen - Wow, I'm inspired by all the progress that you are making and the positive steps that you are taking for your future. How are you coping with all the things that are going on in your life? I'll be thinking of you on Monday and I really really hope that things are healthy physically.
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We just went through the recording of therapy. Now gone blaaaaaaaaaaaaaank.
