yeah kathryn..help may ..well be helpful haha dont really know what else to say about the ED thingee cause well i dont have that, but from the pics ive seen of you you look fine to me.. wish i could lose some weight actually..ugh..
hang in there for your first day back..just go ..do your schoolwork and try to ignore the drama there.. i know..easier said than done.. but at least try..
Kitkat - It might be something worth mentioning to your GP/ psych/ counselling service. It sounds like eating creates a big problem and a lot of distress in your life, so I think actually it is a big deal. Here for you any time you need to talk, or the ED board is there too. Hope your work placement goes well today.
Hiding - Hope you guys are doing ok at the moment.
We have therapy today. It's a bit frustrating because it's only the 2nd session and I have new things to talk about but need to cover all the background and context first and build up some kind of relationship with her. Hope everyone's ok today.
ty fraction it seems like things are rather calm atm.. i guess that is good..but i feel like there is something i should be worried about not sure what tho..lol
yeah understand how its annoying that drs cant automaticaly know everything background wise.. that is part of the reason we keep journals.. so hopefully when we do get a therapist we can hand them the notebooks and wont have to waste time going through all that so much.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
We were in class today and somehow the topic of the classroom had changed to how feminised the education system has become... Anyhoo, the teacher said "You remember when you all used to dress up as kids?"
And I sat there. And thought. And thought.
I honestly couldn't remember dressing up. I must've done, even on own clothes day in primary school. And I couldn't remember a single thing.
Then it dawned on me how little I actually remember of my childhood, and that I think I've actually forgotten more. It's like a wall's gone up in my mind and I can't see them.
Kitkat - I am so pleased for you that the work placement went well! What great news How was college today? Sorry to hear you had such a shock trying to remember things, it's weird when you suddenly realise how many gaps there are. Do you have any photos from your childhood that you could look through to jog your memory? Or sit with your mum and ask her for stories from when you were little?
Labyrinth - Hope things are clearer for you now. Are you able to communicate at all with other parts and see if anyone has a clearer idea of who was out? How are you today?
Hiding - Hope things are ok for you today.
Becci - Hang in there.
We had therapy yesterday which went well, talked a lot about the background stuff. It's weird though, I feel like I've lost my momentum with therapy and I'm not sure where to start... Should I just go straight in at where I'm at right now in memories, should I work through my writing with her...? Not sure, feels unsettling and disorientating. Today have been very blank, littles been out most of the time or just no one out front.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
College... Was okay. Those two girls who I used to hang around with and talk to are being really b*tchy towards me. I'm just trying to shrug it off though. They were just constantly judging me as well, and I know I wasn't just making it up in my own mind. Even this girl who I'm friends with now thought that they just walked off and left me a lot of the time.
My Mum has a lot of photos, but not really from when I was in primary school... That's the time I have the hardest problems remembering. All my memories of that time are incredibly fuzzy and I always remember it from the perspective of looking at myself from somewhere else.
I don't think my Mum really likes to talk about me being a child, it just makes her sad that next year I'm legally an adult and she doesn't really want to let go of that.
Glad to hear your therapy went well yesterday, but sorry to hear that you feel unsettled. Hopefully tomorrow will be a better day for you and all of the others.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
I remember at the time thinking "Oh God I can still hear what she's saying, the sound is only being muffled" but now I don't have a clue what it was she said.
We've done this a few times, when they've talked about childhood, and self harming and stuff (basically anything that triggers us) then we stare out the window, stare really hard, and the next thing you know what was said I don't remember.
I try to avoid letting this happen when she's saying something that's actually useful to me though, like when assignments are due and stuff.
When I was doing some research, trying to determine if I really did have memory gaps, I came across a kind of definition of normal memory.
From about age 6, most people have at least one clear memory from both school and home. And I noticed something odd: Although I can remember all of my teacher's names, names of school friends, everything related to school, from about age 8 until high school, I have almost nothing from my home life. If you looked at my memories, it would seem like I never left school, though I must have.
Then I figured it out: I just wasn't "there" at home at the time. Coherent, squential memories begin again two years ago, when my mom and I left my dad and brother (both abusive). Just thought I'd add my two cents on the whole memory thing.
And btw, Kat, totally jealous of being able to turn off your ears :).
---
Although mental health is doing stellar (like Obadiah said, leaps and bounds of improvement), physical health is not so hot (figures, right?). Ever since my second severe OD, I've been having persistent, sometimes crippling nausea and generally feeling unwell.
I got a blood test done on Monday to check up on my liver, and I will get the results back from my GP tomorrow. The possibilities are not looking good: Either an ulcer, acid reflux disorder, or maybe liver/kidney damage.
I'll let you all know how things go. Hopefully (knock on wood), it's something easy to clear up.
EDIT: And I'm sorry I write novels for every post :(
Last edited by PaleMoon : 06-10-2010 at 10:54 PM.
Reason: Extra stuff >.>
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Jen, I'm like you, I have nothing from my home life either. I have about... 3 memories, but I have no idea what age I was. No one takes me seriously either, when I tell them that. They're like, it's normal. But if someone said to me, tell me a memory you have, say when you were 9, I wouldn't be able to tell them anything. All I could say was that I was in Year 5.
Like I said, it feels like a wall has gone up inside my head. And I can't access any of my memories. I'm having persistent and random thoughts about my Grandad dying, which make me want to burst into tears, but when I think of my Mum dying... Nothing. No emotional response. It's weird.
Hope everything goes okay for you Jen, and you find out what the cause is of the nausea and everything (:
jen goodluk wif dr stufs.. i so seepi..tink we been stresd lots.. mayb hav werk bof saturda an sunda to ..tinkin bout tat maks me mor seepi.. i tink i seeps erli tonite.
Hazel - Hope that things are going ok for you at the moment.
Labyrinth - That's difficult if you don't have any communication. Hope things are better at the moment for you.
Kitkat - Yeah I know what you mean. I think it's normal not to have many memories from a young age but that makes it very frustrating to work out if any bad things happened! Sometimes when a wall goes up inside it is to protect you from things that you are not ready for yet. Don't push it - you will find out eventually, but you can't force yourself to remember things. I know it's frustrating, but just take things as they come because trying to push the process forward quicker doesn't seem to work. Also, a total absence of feelings for us generally means that there are lots and lots of feelings there, but they aren't connected and I'm not able to handle them right now. Take it easy on yourself :-] Hope today is good for you.
Jen - I'm sorry to hear that physically things aren't too good for you. I'll be thinking of you and looking out for your update about how it all goes.
*
We had some really awful dreams last night :-[ Feel really uptight and just... bad.
I am really getting scared... tomorrow we meet with a psych who saw us years ago, he is going to go through the notes and we will find out about the childhoood period, the time that is a blank. Really nervous, also staying with the mother at the moment and she doesn't know about our plans to meet with the psych
shadow- that is a bit nerve racking im sure..i know id be nervous too. hang in there tho..you are strong and you can handle this.. just remember its all to help you heal ok hon? *hugs *if ok let us know how it goes ok? pm us if you want to talk .. Hiding
Hazel - Wow that's huge, serious respect for being so brave :-] Do you think it would be helpful to tell your mother? Don't be scared, I'm sure the psych will be kind and make sure that you are coping ok with it all. Will be thinking of you.
not sure it would be a good idea to tell her... we are getting on for like the first time ever at the moment... (she's always been emotionally abusive but over the last few months since I tried to cut her out of my life she's been a lot better with me)
she hates talking about the past, when I ask her about my childhood she gets all snappy and evasive, I actually think she knows something but just doesn't want me to know it.
How was college today? Sorry to hear you had such a shock trying to remember things, it's weird when you suddenly realise how many gaps there are. Do you have any photos from your childhood that you could look through to jog your memory? Or sit with your mum and ask her for stories from when you were little?
