finding reason is right, it may be that you are now seeing it with an adult's understanding. Could it also be that you might have kept these negative feelings away at the time, dissociated so as not to feel them, and are only now starting to experience them?
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
scath,
sorry things have been so difficult, but very glad you found the folder.
thinking of you.
sadie,
its very common to remember only bits and pieces of the abuse at a time, remembering the visual first for example and then the emotional later. I believe it happens that way because flashbacks are mini exposure therapies the brain uses to help the mind process traumatic memories, and to put the fully loaded (emotional, physical (all senses) in at once would be too overwhelming. The pieces will come together eventually. Just try to manage them as they come as best you can and perhaps write the bits you remember down?
thanks everyone.. im just mentall drained..think sarah will come to sleep soon.. cause i need to go rest as well and hope i dont get rained on at my tree..fun fun..
Finding Reason - That sounds incredibly distressing. I hope that you can get the support and medical attention that you need.
Scath - Sorry you had such a panicked time yesterday, hope today is better for you.
Kitkat - Sorry that Onyx did that, but remember that one slip up does not mean that you have to get back into the habit of doing it. Don't beat yourself up about it.
Sadie - It can be so distressing and confusing trying to cope with flashbacks, especially when it feels like it was ok at the time. Take it slowly, and things will slowly become clearer as you become ready to deal with each next bit. Lost Boys explained it so well. We're here for you. Oh, and we saw your thread about creativity - what a beautiful description of your internal landscape.
Lost Boys - We have been thinking of you and hoping that your admission is giving you time to do some positive work and to rest yourselves.
**
Today was an ok day for us until for some reason someone SHed badly.
We're struggling. Doing really hard work with T, one part who says he doesn't have a name has been coming out in sessions quite a bit.
After the sessions T keeps telling me (Ash) to stay close and visible to staff, which she has rarely done before. I'm pretty concerned about what is being spoken about, really wanting to know, but really not wanting to know at the same time.
I/we are really drained, sore and the staff have told T (at team meetings) that we 'look physically unwell' i think its the somatic stuff. We always feel sick (stomach pain/nausea and food allergies) and have a very high pain tolerance, perhaps we haven't noticed too much... apart from the fact that we don't 'feel good' physically.
It is progress, good productive progress, but it is so hard. The un-named part has been writing letters to T (on my special bleed-proof paper, but i forgive him :)) in graphite so I think I will buy another one for him; bigger because his print is large. I (ash) don't know much of what happens when he (or the others) come out, and T only tells me bits and pieces at the end (I'm typically 'not quite all there' for a while after them)
He made a little bed, under a table between the bed and wall/window. That's where i keep finding the graphite and paper so i suppose it's his.
We're very tired and tomorrow will be another big day, so we hope you all have either a good day, or a good night's sleep :)
It sounds like you are having such a challenging time Lost Boys, and we have so much admiration for the strength you are showing as you cope with everything that is happening.
It is disconcerting when an alter is spending a lot of time out without any knowledge of who they are. We think that you are managing this very well and hopefully your respect of the alter will slowly increase the trust within your system.
We have some problems with somatic stuff too, and can understand how that can be an added pressure on top of everything else. I'm glad that the staff and your T are communicating well and that you seem to be being looked after and kept safe.
We think of you often and hope that your admission continues to be a positive and constructive time for you all, and that you are getting plenty of rest as well as doing so much work.
We're not coping. I'm hearing voices I don't recognise.
Theadora is trying to convince me to take my life and it's exhausting fighting her all the time.
I haven't been able to cope with university. I cry at the littlest things. I've been getting headaches so bad they're making me physically sick. I wish things weren't so hard. I'm sorry I haven't been around to support you guys
*hugs tight* stay strong peeps xx
really struggling right now... awful headache, can't stop crying over slightest things, so tired can hardly think and keep getting "trapped" in some sort of limbo unreal zone thingy as if someone else is coming forward but not quiet getting out
really struggling right now... awful headache, can't stop crying over slightest things, so tired can hardly think and keep getting "trapped" in some sort of limbo unreal zone thingy as if someone else is coming forward but not quiet getting out
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
It's all gone downhill so quickly... A few days ago I was ready to fight anything. Now I'm weak and ready to give up. I'm sick of wanting to SI constantly. And I'm always assuming people are talking about me again. I was in such a bad mood today. I'm really paranoid about people, talking about me, thinking bad things about me, behind my back.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Why don't people understand? Why?
Kathryn wanted to buy fags but doesn't get served cos she's underage.
And doesn't like to ask strangers.
Her "friend" said, why don't you ask people.
We didn't explain.
And then when she mentioned something about asking the work placement officer about work placement, the girl said, why don't you ask, or are you too scared to. And then laughed.
This was so insensitive. We don't ask, we don't talk to random people because from a young age talking out and speaking meant being ridiculed for whatever was said, being teased for it, being hurt because our mouth was opened and words came out.
Kathryn's feeling really alone at the moment... She barely spoke all day.
kathryn & holly (?)- im sorry yall are having such a tough time.. and here i went and dumped all my panicky **** on you in pm ..sorry =/
if you need to talk we are here ok?
fraction- yeah that is true i guess.. i dont know.. i mean we usually have strictly emotional flashbacks but this one was like i imagine most have esp.lils the feel, see it,hear it,THERE again sorta thing.. it was scarey as ****ing hell sorry for language.. lost boys- bleed proff paper? hmm,, thats new to me.. makes me thingk medevil/renaissance times..for some reason..
hang in there and im very glad yall are making progress!
Everyone seems to be having a hard time at the moment, we are leaving hugs for anyone who wants them.
Emma - I'm so sorry that uni is hard to cope with. When we were at uni we really struggled. Do you have any support from mental health services or from the uni counselling people and disability people? Keep challenging Theadora, you are being so brave and strong.
Hazel - Really know what you mean about that limbo land, it's disconcerting. Hope today is better for you.
Kitkat - Do you know what's made you go downhill suddenly? Do you have anyone to support you? Maybe you could see if you could pursue the counselling? Hope you're ok.
Sadie - Yeah those "full" flashbacks are really scary and hard to cope with. Take it slowly and be kind to yourselves - it takes time to recover from such powerful flashbacks.
Today we met our new therapist!! She seems really nice, understanding, and a lot more knowledgeable about EDs/ DID/ DV etc than our old therapist. Next session is on Tuesday and feeling pretty positive about it, hurrah!
I wish things weren't so hard. I'm sorry I haven't been around to support you guys
