im stuck, i cant, theres so much swirlnig in my brain,, people crying screaming, i cant talk they've silenced me again.. my voice wont work.no sounds, i needto scream, hurting so much. get these images out of me please oh please. sick dirty disgusting pictures everytime i closemy eyes. he's here hurting me again feels so real, i hate it, i hate me, i want this to stop, please make things stop..
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
and now i cant think cant function.. images all there when i close my eyes,andd then the sick starts rising in my throat.. my muscle
s areclenched so tightly but itsnot mei cant relax someone else holdnig so still.. bleeding into the waking nightmares still - still - hold still - be a good girl and i am,i want to be? but it hurts i deserve it, im not good, it wouldnt hurt if i wasgood, need to be better do better for him.
the films playing in my head, doing things to him, hes in my head i can hear him telling me what to do but its not me i'm watching from the corner, but still sickening, can'tlook away can't stop the pictures burning my eyes. i dont want to seethem agani but i have to.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
ok not real sure what happened tonight but was chatting with a friend who is DID and found out loads about their systems but someho one of them chatted with the voice its never spoke to anyone but us and that is rare,,
that left us feeling panicky then her "ab*ser"alter came and triggered us more by telling us we arent real and we are faking it and then talked about how the ex hubby abused us
mentally exhausted..twisted and foggy and stormy but wide awake and confused as hell
then her "ab*ser"alter came and triggered us more by telling us we arent real and we are faking it and then talked about how the ex hubby abused us
been there.. just got out of a relationship with someone with DID who had an ab*ser alter.. caused a lot of hurt to us, emotional and physical..
*offers hugs* Don't listen to the person - you are all real and not faking it. I hope you get some sleep before work and things calm down for you soon.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
Morning everyone. Hope you all got through the night ok.
Sarah - I'm sorry to hear you feel lonely. We get really lonely too. Our family are really amazing and supportive, but sometimes we wish that we had friends in real life - it would be nice to have a friend who understood about DID or DV, you know? Are you going to get a therapist soon? You can talk to us any time at all :-]
Scath - Sorry you had such horrible things going round your head yesterday. I know it's probably not that helpful, but try to remember that's over now and you are safe. Hope you have a better day today.
Jen - Sorry that the EMDR has had that effect on you, but in a way it's kind of proof that it's "working"... In which case it will get better soon, and it's not a state of mind that you're going to be stuck with forever! I hope that you are managing with it ok at the moment, as it must be very distressing.
Sadie - That sounds really upsetting. Can you speak to the host about the ab*ser alter?
Had a quiet day yesterday. Feeling kind of blocked up emotionally, feel like I'm losing touch with myself. Oh well. Feel crappy today.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Sadie, I'm sorry to hear that someone's alter said that. But you are all real *hugs* and tell Sarah that we hope she's okay too, and Hiding of course (:
Jen, hope you're EMDR doesn't cause you too many problems, but at least you know that it's beginning to work (:
Scath I hope today is better than yesterday for you (:
Sorry if I miss anyone out, Skye's trying to get me off here and do some homework. She's really kicking in my motivation, which is a huge plus.
I have a feeling there's a boy in the system, Ayka mentioned him a few nights ago (they all seem to talk when I'm in bed) but I'm not currently fully aware of him...
got a massives headache today and go up very late ..almost time to go to work already *sigh* the body decided it wants to be stupid again this mth. so everything is blah and tiny bits linger about our voice last night which feel overwhelming..hiding and sarah are astill sleeping i think but doubt theyll be out much if at all today .. once again im out to handle us feeling crappy and deproed of sleep.plus we had some really messed up dreams last night too anyhow idk hagd and ty for saying we are real..it really triggered me him saying that.. and well ive never been triggered before really. SADIE
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Sorry to hear this morning's been tough already ):
It's good of you to handle all the crap for Hiding and Sarah, I'm sure they appreciate it.
It's okay, it would trigger most of us too. They were basically doubting your existence, which isn't a nice thing to do. All of us know that you are real, especially Ayka, who says Hi (:
I have been reading your posts, but I'm not really feeling able to reply right now. But I am sending you all support and hugs if you would like them.
This afternoon two "new" alters wrote in the journal. They described their perspective of two incidents. They had a lot more to write but system was too overwhelmed. Now feeling kind of in limbo, quite a few of us are working together to front. Just feeling a bit scared really.
Yeah, I had heard about one of them but not the second. I don't call them new though because they existed before I discovered them so some of them get all annoyed if I say they're new when they first make themselves known!
Feel a bit more settled now... Wrote some lists of the groups and feel like we've got a better grip on things than before.
Thank you Kitkat. Hope you and everyone else has a safe and peaceful night.
Thanks for the support, I'm feeling a little bit better now - had a stressful day with psych appointment but am better than last night. Hopefully the nightmares won't happen again. Or that I don't remember them. Either way...
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
feeling crappy today , headache and stomache feels sick .. weather has been in 60-70's so we automatically start thinking how our bday is close.. makes us excited but sorta doesnt too
the voice is still stirring alot in its closet .. hear moaning and alittle girls crying and seems like a bad storm is approaching lightning and thunder in the distance,,
last night really messed things inside up i think.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
That's okay, Scath, Sadie and Fraction (:
Hope everyone's feeling a little less distressed and a little more safe.
We journalled today, for the first time since the 12th of September ( we just kept on forgetting). Feeling calm for the first time in a long time, hoping it'll stay that way, at least for a little bit.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Ahh so do I, for once we're all working together to remain calm and on top of things, because we know if we fall behind then it's all going to crumble...
