had a really bad day :( first my rent hadn;t been paid so had to go all the way to the bank and so now have no money at all, and then a guy in a tube station was really really horrible to me... he started yelling and swearing at me and I got so scared :(
I swear, commuters have like - a switch that puts them in horrible mode on the tube and then normal mode when they get off. People are really rude. Hope you feel a little safer now he's gone.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
Hazel -- Sorry you had such a bad day. Being yelled at is no fun :(
Emma -- What did your alters do that gave you more stress?
Obadiah -- Hooray for a new, more experienced therapist! :D
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Sorry we didn't reply as much as we normally do. Today we had our first session of trauma work and EMDR with our therapist, and it's really hard work. Had to try really hard not to switch throughout it. Now we are exhausted and still trying not to switch, but everyone is right up against me, wanting to come out.
I am currently struggling with the realization that these are only parts of me. I faced the abuse alone. I had no one else.
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
Really can't be bothered to explain anything sorry just feel numb and drained and hopeless.
I shouldn't get angry with my alters, they're hurting too and it's not their fault they don't know how to express things safely. I am angry though with life.
hmph...**** it.
Sorry for anyone who has had a bad day... Leaving hugs for anyone who wants them, and hoping that the evening is better for us all.
Jen, I've wondered for a while about EMDR - keeping hearing about it as therapy for DID and PTSD but I've never really been able to get a handle on what exactly it is?
We are watching a programme on shoplifting. Some of us have a bit of a problem with shop lifting and kleptomania, so it's interesting.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Sorry to hear you're struggling Jen and Emma *leaves hugs* I know how it feels when they want to come out but they can't. There's a girl in my class called Jasmine and all Jasmine wants to do is say that she's called that too... But everyone in there knows me as Kathryn so it'd be really weird if she said it.
Glad to hear you found a good therapist Fraction (:
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I'm doing alright, for some reason carrying my tool around with me but I think it's of piece of mind for someone inside. Hopefully they won't use it.
Obadiah -- My therapist explained it like this: There is a theory among trauma treatment that traumatic events overwhelm normal coping skills and can't be properly processed by the brain.
EMDR uses eye movement similar to that of REM sleep (the type of sleep we use to process our thoughts and memories) to help the brain go back and process the trauma and re-program its response to the trauma.
It sound simple, but it's hard to do from the patient's side. You have to go back to the trauma and talk about it out loud and talk about how you felt during it. My therapist didn't start it until she was confident me and the others inside could handle it.
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
hi hi i not reeli kno wat to say. i hops evri bodi fels betr . we glad it bes frida. we talkd to cuzin on fone an did no tel him but hintd about it an he sayhe nevr disown us an he alwas lovs us an he has ben thru stuf to like heer voics an multipl personalitees.. we waz suprizd cuz we did no say nufin about stufs liks tat. he say he gona reed the msg tonite. i not so scard now tho cuz him say he nevr disown us or not lovs us. =) he good brofr to us... evn if he did do meen stufs lik fart in us fac wen we waz littl..he tout it was funni ten..he likd mak us mad ten ..hehe Sarah
hey here with sarah.. thanks morgan, sarah loves watching elmo and I even thought it was freaking hilarious... loved the part where they asked what his favorite food is and he said wasabi and then said that is why he doesnt have any eyelids!! lmao that was classic. SADIE tank yous morgan i reeli liks wach elmo he bes veri funni =)
Getting therapist for SI but it's out of the insurance network.
S. says that we have to tell bout switching too but can't because we trying to find a job and it would ruin the chances, plus, can't find good therapist that deals with DID
“Because everything that goes around comes around. Maybe it's luck or maybe it's fate, but either way, it comes back around."
Rest in Love Sar-sis. I'll see you the next time around hopefully <3 12/11/92-05/18/16
AJs mommy ❤️ 11/26/17
Married to my best friend and Soulmate 3/5/18 ❤️💍
PerfectMess - Sorry to hear you're having trouble getting a therapist. I'm in the UK so I don't know how the system works over there... I hope you find someone soon.
Hiding - Yay for Friday! I'm so glad that your cousin seems to be so loving and accepting, I'm sure it will be fine when he reads the message. I'm glad that you guys have someone so supportive :-]
Jen - Ah ok, thank you for explaining it. It makes sense, but it sounds like a very distressing thing to do, and I think you are very brave. How are you finding it so far?
We feel exhausted and bleargh, nothing interesting to report.
well he should be here soon to get us to go to the beach i saw him on FB last night so assumed he read the msg but he didnt respond..hmm..makes us all a bit nervous esp. sarah. took a xanax for that and the whole traffic /hwy drivin **** that triggers out anxiety. trying to convince ourselves that well we did write him a basic book and it was alot to read and digest and plus it was late and he was tired from work im sure.. man i hate how we over react.. ughh.i hate feeling their ****in anxiety .. SADIE
Will be thinking of you all :-] He probably just needed some time to think it over and thought it would be better to talk about it with you directly instead of on FB - don't worry!
We're having a quiet rest day today. Not really done anything at all to be honest! Feeling exhausted and dissociated. Can't really pin down what's going round my head because it seems a bit far away from me or something. Hard to explain. Anyway hope everyone's having a nice Saturday.
Sounds like a good idea to take it easy today. As for me, for some reason I started off feeling sluggish, and now I'm super motivated, so I'm getting homework done. Yay.
Take care.
Hiding - I hope everything goes well. I think Fraction has a good point about him maybe figuring he'd speak to you face to face about it. Let us know how it goes!
That's great that you're feeling motivated! I hope you have a productive and enjoyable evening Megan :-]
I'm currently watching TV with my bros. Been more dissociated than usual today and was chatting to mum earlier about what might be underneath the surface making me more spaced out. I think there's a few different things bobbing around in there, but it's hard to really pin it down and work it all out.
On a bit of a tangent... I've been looking up stuff on DID recently, just to increase my knowledge and understanding really and to stop myself obsessing about the police stuff!! Just wondering if anyone knows of any good books/ forums/ resources?
The DID sourcebook is very good...my Mom is reading it right now. I leant it to her.
Also, First Person Plural by Cameron West.
Or When Rabbit Howls by Truddi Chase.
Those are the ones I've read.
Megan thank you for the suggestions. I was wondering yesterday about the DID sourcebook. I guess we are looking for help on managing the system, internal communication, getting to know "new" alters, that kind of thing, but a lot of books on DID focus on explanations of what it is or on explorations of the whole controversial crap about it. I want to order some into the library but I'm a bit embarrassed to!
The other thing I want to find info on is about domestic abuse... I find that a lot of books on DID focus on child abuse which requires quite a different approach I guess... But books on domestic abuse can be a bit anti-men!
Labyrinth, hope you had a good holiday. We dissociate a lot more when we are tired too. Not sure why, but tiredness seems to blur the boundaries more. I guess it takes a lot of energy to try to maintain being engaged with reality and when you're tired you just don't have the energy for that?
Do you see a professional who can help you with the management of the DID?
I have found the sourcebook to be more helpful than the others I recommended...the others are personal accounts of living with the disorder.
I think a lot of books focus on child abuse because DID begins in childhood. I hope you can find a book about domestic abuse that suits your needs.
just feel numb and drained and hopeless.
but I think it's of piece of mind for someone inside. Hopefully they won't use it.
