the episode is over now. Though now feeling an urge to so do some sit-ups or something, feeling a bit icky and too big... but hoping that if I ignore it then it will fade...
To be honest I am terrified that when I leave here and end up living alone may relapse into both anorexia and alcohol as both of those I only recovered from due to my partner...
-------------------------
Names are something I've wondered about too... other than Luna everyone sort of appeared with their name, though not sure how long after "forming" they gained their names as not been aware of them all since they formed. Luna had no name when she first made herself known though, my partner told her to pick a name and then after a few days she picked "Luna". Other than her though I think everyone just sort of had their names, not sure if they picked them or if they just sort of had them or what though...
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Most of mine chose their names. Some of them I thought of, and it immediately suited them somehow.
Though I do find it a bit of a coincidence that Blue called herself that, because my favourite toy at her age was a cat I had called Bluey... I only made the connection a few weeks ago.
I haven't named anyone, they all had names of their own choosing, or that were given to them by abusers. Perhaps earlier on they might have helped name each other, but i don't know. Some don't have names, having been deemed (by abusers) unworthy of a name and we have some who are numbered (another dehumanizing tactic wethinks).
Shadow-light,
Have you looked into organisations that help people find housing? It sounds like you could benefit from some extra support trying to find accommodation, might take some of the stress and pressure off.
Thought we'd gotten over the flu, but it struck up again yesterday morning, still fighting it off. We have art therapy and T tomorrow, but don't really want to go. Mostly cause we just feel tired and sick. We'll go though. We always do.
Hazel - I don't know exactly where you're moving to, but maybe they have a Prevention of Homelessness program? I know when my girlfriend ended up here, she was housed because of the local authorities' policy - first temporarily in a B&B, and then in the flat we've got now as a permanent solution.
lostboys - I hope you get better soon, it's horrible being ill and I can only imagine how it must make all of you feel.
Palemoon - I'm not sure where the others got their names from - they introduced themselves as their name, and that was that. But I know so little that maybe everything will change when I fully start to explore our system.
I'm... feeling more like me. Not being overwhelmed with a loss of self amongst everyone. I've been to the GP this morning and he's referring me for the trans stuff, which is a relief. I have a friend staying the night today, so I'm grateful I feel more 'aware' as I doubt I could have functioned around people yesterday.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
Scath,
Glad you're feeling more you, it's always reassuring :P
What you said 'not being overwhelmed with a loss of self amongst everyone' resonates with me for some reason.. Perhaps because it really is such a feat when you share a body with multiple others... But I really like it. Great news about the referral, let us know how it progresses. Hope you have a good time with your friend over :)
And thanks :) - being sick really does take it's toll physically and mentally. We're managing the triggers it brings up pretty well though.
lostboys,
Thanks =) It really does sometimes feel like I'm being lost, or swallowed up, by a crowd. Never mind that we're all in one body, it still feels that way sometimes.
I'm glad you're all managing the triggers well enough; are you unlucky enough to get sick often? Someone has their *fingers crossed* that you'll be feeling stronger and more well by tomorrow for your T and art therapy sessions. I can feel it in my brain. It's weird ;)
Rosy - the alters I've heard about / talked to in my system have names. But I don't know about everyone so there may be others who don't. Most systems I've talked to have everybody in them named (although sometimes they aren't conventional names). But every system is different. Maybe that's the way your girlfriend's system works?
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
Hey Rosy,
One thing about DID is every system is different, each doing what is required for each individual situation, so nothing is abnormal or unusual. One of the fantastic things about DID is there are so few limitations.
Have you asked your girlfriends alters if they'd like names? Perhaps they hadn't ever thought about the idea of needing or wanting a name for themselves.
Hehe :D Thanks scath. We've actually been sick quite a few times this year, not sure why, could be that we've lost a bit of weight, but not sure, maybe just more viruses around.
Rosy: my alters don't have names either. Sometimes they use names I made up like Lynx or Maria (that's my middle name), but generally they don't have names.
RYL FAMILY
Jo (Newlife) is my daughter
Kat (Katnovia) is my sister
well with mine.. sarah chose her own name.. after i got frustrated with sarah being out day after day for a week at work. i didnt have any idea what was going on or what to do to get it to stop i just knew i couldnt feel 6 yrs old at work anymore. i visualized trying to throw her in a dark dark closet. she screamed kicked and cried. and the next day she informed me she did not want to be called by my name anymore.. she was real mad at me and her name was now going to be Sarah.
with Sadie- i think she has had her name for a while. not sure if she chose it or just was. but well the first day i heard her, and the first day she actually came out ..i began called her the angry one.. all she did was yell at me and cuss me out.
she finally got sick of being called the a ngry one.. and yell at me saying not to call her that..her name is SAdie.
Sadies name really fits her tho i think. she is a hot tempered redhead my temper isnt ALL that is hot either *wink*
geez.. nice to see she is awake now.lol anyhow.. it really does fit her through and through.
the voice.. we just call it the voice.. we arent sure what it is like a shodow spirit thing. i dont know .. just glad it doesnt talk to us much.
I went shopping this afternoon, and bought something with each of us in mind. That's so... therapeutic. Amazingly so!
Regarding naming, Katrina was originally Petrina [petrified-frozen, and was separated into Freak Girl, Invisible Girl, Skeleton Girl and a bunch of other wounded states like Storm Lady and The Dictator]. But as I worked at integrating/accepting/becoming conscious, we clarified it down to one, Katrina. The name is for several reasons
- it is like Petrina
- it is a derivative of my name, Katherine
- Katrina was the name of one of the girls who bullied me
Trini was a name we chose together, it simply came when I decided that Little Girl was no longer respectful of her [previously when more scattered/less self aware she was Princess K, Kataisha, and a bunch of other early and later based childhood states]
And Trini because her behaviours are very much entwined with Katrina - it's a dual system.
me an hiding is soo veri scard. bad bad anxity rite now. monda we has tak da of werk to go to dr. dr, wil cal pepls com talk us an decid if we ned be put in hosptal or not.
we so so scard an nervis. wana go hids now. scard.
Katie, that's awesome that you bought something for yourselves! It can be really therapeutic and nurturing. We feel privileged to hear about how your names came about and the work you have done integrating the child states. :)
We are having coffee before art therapy - we did come in. We always do. Our alarm didn't go off this morning so we ran a bit late, luckily our step dad and step brother were both a bit late too.
Anyway, take care guys and we will pop in again later today.
I'm missing so much on here at the moment but I'm still reading it all and thinking of you all. I hope that today is a calm and constructive day for everyone and I'm leaving hugs for anyone who wants them.
I'm now having psychotherapy twice a week which is pretty intense. I've been telling her mainly about some of the r*pes and physical abuse, so it's really draining emotionally and physically. I haven't had the energy to do much else. I feel so depressed and dissociated and I want to kill myself all the time.
The alters all disappeared for a few weeks over the period of breaking up. Bit frustrating as we had reached some form of communication. Last night they came back out again which was encouraging. I'm wondering if I should allow them to speak to my therapist and how I would go about that. I trust my therapist very much but I can't help feeling a little embarrassed too about it.
Every day I just plod along and drag through it trying to resist all the suicidal urges, anorexic thoughts and severe self harming. I'm not coping well at all but I guess it could be worse.
Hi guys, pretty much doing the same as everyone else. Just a quick update, sorry I don't have the energy for more.
Still up in Oxford, got some feedback and was able to help myself enjoy the work a lot more. Have some very strange viral thing, vomiting and icky looking throat. :S
As for the others, my system and the other one. I guess some of you have picked up I haven't switched, more than maybe three times, in the last five/ five and a bit weeks. That sounds like a pretty good thing but to be honest, it's because I have very little, if any contact with any other alter.
I've been looking into making a place for me to go when I switch, and it turns out it's a recommended idea in a lot of books, still seems dauntng.
Also, Erin has told me I will be switching at some point in the weekend so one of the others can sort something. :S Sometimes I don't like her very much really. And I'm sure she can read this but meh.
T
System A
Sophie Mandi Max Gwen Mercy Erin AVA Tracey Bridget My Isaac
![[Fog]'s Avatar](images/avatars/12 - Copy.gif)
