Yeah Hazel, I think it's the same thing - someone else taking over a certain part of the body (instead of all of it) to accomplish something they want to do.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Had a bit of a bad moment last night.
I was at my friend's house and I ate a bit (not a lot) but when Ayka heard how many calories there were she freaked and we went on the trampoline. It was fun, until I heard my friend call my name, even though she was nowhere near me.
So I carried on, then stopped for a bit.
Then my friends had to come down to the end of her garden to get me because it was dark and even though I couldn't see them (it was 1 in the morning) I felt people watching me... I could hear them moving through the tall grass as well, so I got really freaked out.
scath- its sorta like that for us. i mean like when sarah or sadie are out or vice versa with me. we can fell ourselves moving and see/hear what is going on but its still like..well..like not us ourselves doing it.
its esp worse for me to feel comfortorable or try to feel like i have control of the body when sadie is out, very mad at me and SH's us. it was also esp bad when we went to dr appt last week and i couldnt seem to get out to talk to the dr. and instead sarah was out with her. i felt horrible about cause i could see/hear everything but i just couldnt seem to get out front to talk to the dr. i felt so bad for sarah.*sigh*
we dont lose time. its more like we willbe talking about something..mid sentence and someone says something inside or something..we get distracted and forget what we were talking about but I think that is sorta normal right?
*shrug*
I personally think we do dissociate..obvisiously..but it is maybe more mental (thoughts and emotions and such) than physical or perhaps it just isnt quite as severeas some others'.. i dont know ..it confuses me. i dont understand it really and i end up feeling like a huge fake..
but you know the fact that sarah was out with dr and i couldnt get out.. and the conversation last night that sarah and i had insid and then sarah asked michel about (which would be far too embarrassing for me to ask.. casue well i know the answers anyhow) kinda proves to me that whatever i am going through is real.
Im sorry you're struggling Hazel with not being able to find a new place. I really wish I could help, i honestly do.
I wish I could help all of you.
I got my diagnosis yesterday - well, rather I got a vague comment on it. I don't know how i'm feeling about it..how any of us are feeling. It's all suddenly become so real..
You are talking to: Kat The Others are: Annabell (Belle), Rosie, Lotty, Kate, Amy, Jessica (Jess), Sarah, Ramiel(Miel), Elizabeth (Liz), Shadow
I get some physical stuff - like when I've been in my child state, and start coming back to myself, I feel really awkward in my body, and clumsy with my hands, like they're the wrong size. Like there're smaller hands inside the bigger hands and the bigger hands aren't quite mine yet.
Hannah -- *gentle hugs* I know exactly how that experience is and what you're feeling, but dying won't do anything good for you. Stay here and talk instead, to any of us
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We got a stuffed turquoise-colored bear yesterday. The little'uns adore him and we have collectively decided to name him Turquy Blue Bear. Blue for short.
Things are okay on our end. We come home from our vacation tomorrow and see our psych and therapist immediately upon returning home. Everyone is nervous because we haven't seen him since before the hospital and all the stuff with alters coming out and so on. So we're nervous about what we'll say. Therapy will be good though. Is it sad that therapy is the highlight of our week?
Also did a quick headcount yesterday. There are 11 of us inside, including me (Jen), plus one fragment. It's overwhelming how much work we have ahead.
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
So spaced out. Far away. I can't remember what happened. Cramps. Little. Flashbacks. Hiding. My girlfriend is gonna get sick of me so sick and tired of this crap and I don;'t want her to leave. Even my hands don;t feel like they're mine. SIck of myself. Trying to communicate and no words and no body and hate hate hate me everything.
SOrry. Weird. I'll shut up.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
sarah and i are sorta twisted together right now.. it feels so weird when we cant really tell who is really out . usually happenes in the morning. Hannah- hi hon took me a while to realized you changed your nickname here again.soryy. hang in there sweetie i know its triggering to talk about things but it will pass i promise. the anxiety will ease up just try to relax and maybe sleep some. please take care of yourself hon. Katnovia- i know this may sound funny but im envious of you for getting your dx. wish i had mine. not that i am expecting it to be DID but whatever it is..i just want to know so i can focus more on understanding and coping. Shadow- light- wish i knew how to help more and could help you find a place. hmm.. there has to be something. i dont know where you're from but here in the US we have something called the Housing Authority and every big city/county has one. i think the housing is based on your income. I talked to someone once who stayed in one a while and it was 2 bedrooms and she paid like $30 a mth in rent.
there has be some kinda help or solution for you hon.. even if its is only a temporary solution.
Two new alters. Owen, 15 years old. An abusive alter with a swagger who sees himself as my brother.
Also Gabriella, an angel alter who is thus far the only one who can pass between the two systems at will. She will prove helpful in dealing with the ones in the second system.
Hugs for everyone, we're kind of dissociative still, so we'll just hop off and talk more tomorrow.
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
I'm sort of getting triggered by American Dad... The guy in it has developed anorexia and... well it's making me really quiet triggered and... well feeling a bit like relapsing or something
Shadow -- *gentle hugs* Sorry you got triggered. Is there anything you can do to distract yourself?
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This is a general question for everyone: How did you (if you did decide) decide on your alter's names? Most simply identified themselves with a name, a few I have named and they accepted. Strangely enough, they all seem to be names that I have been drawn to over the years. It makes me wonder: Were they really there for that long? Or am I just giving them names that I like because they're not really real? I don't know.
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
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