Triggering (Abuse) - dissociative distress thread

[Kitkat :)]

Quote:

Originally Posted by katnovia

We have decided to leave this forum, because we feel uncomfortable and unwelcome. We are sorry if we have caused anyone harm, harrasment or distress, and we would like you all to know that we wish you all the best of luck in everything. We are too fragile to stay here, the littles keep getting scared because sometimes sarah and amy are getting hurt by some of the discussions and they are causing chaos. Baring in mind I dont know what my problem is, and i have no diagnosis because MH have been letting me slip for 9 years and i've never wanted to admit to them about the voices and the loss of control. I'm currently going through assessment, which is throwing all sorts of doubts and nasties into the air, and I have enough problems telling truth from lies and reality from fiction due the the pyschological abuse I suffered my entire life.

I dont know if I have any form of MPD/DID etc.. I just know that some part of me is ill. I either have something like this, or I am ill because I have made it all up in my head (and believe it most of the time)...

I hope I havn't offended or upset anyone in my time here.

I'll be sad to see you go. I hope you get the help that you need and deserve after the assessment.

I know that you and your others have helped me, in different ways.

Take care of yourself.

[Patti]

Hi, i'm Patti. I have DID. I've been working with my therapist for quite awile. I wanted to connect with others. Who understand. That I can talk with.

take care, Patti

[Kitkat :)]

I'm doubting my entire life.
I'm doubting whether it all happened, and whether I made it up or not and if I was actually just a normal little girl who nothing happened to and was happy.
Half of me believes that.
The other half of me thinks I was able to lie to myself so well about people "liking" me and bad things happening to me that I just put myself in a fake world where I was "happy" and just blocked out everything... I just can't seem to remember the bad things so I don't know if it happened, and if it did I can't remember what I felt at the time so I don't feel that I have the right to be sad, angry, upset etc about it.
It's just know I can't seem to crawl out of the fake world that I made for myself.

[shadow-light]

hi Patti. welcome to the thread

[Kitkat :)]

But most of my life hurt, in one way or another, and I just can't remember... No matter how hard I try, I get glimpses of memories, and even then it's all hazy and I don't even know if it hurt at the time... I can't remember how it affected me, so I'm wondering if I was affected at all, which has led me to wonder if anything actually happened.

[shadow-light]

dont try to force memories, it just ends in coonfusion

[Kitkat :)]

I know... But I've just forgotten year 7 and year 8.
It was brought up when I talking something that got me thinking about it... I don't remember feeling angry or hurt towards the people who hurt me.
It's like watching a TV show, I can see it all happening but from a third person point of a view... My emotions are not involved in the situation that I'm looking at, so consequently when I talk about it doesn't evoke any emotion in me.
Apart from when my next door neighbour kept asking me about my bullying and what it was like and when it started and what people did etc, then I got really angry and snappy with her.

[Kitkat :)]

Someone just accepted me on facebook that I don't remember adding... O.o

[hidingme]

i copy pas post from otr forim bout are dr appt today
--------------------------

very switchy so please forgive.
went to dr today about "us" and she ****ing wants us to go to hospital to be evaled.. says its the only way we can make sure we get to see a psychiatrist.
course who knows where the **** Lisa was she was suppossed to handle the dr appt but poor sarah had to. she crumbled and was basically curled up hiding her face and crying.. dr raised dosage on lexapro to 40 mg.

told us never to be scared to tell her anything..said we arent crazy even when sarah said we belong in pillow room in jacket that you cant move in..

we refuse to go to hospital...

dr read some of out journal and told us to keep writing.. said that me and sarah are here because lisa went thru very hard ****..(hence nathan and thing when kid)

she gave us # to hospital to call for more info.. cause MAYBE we will go if we can come home same day... if we have stay there then forget it no way no ****ing way.
SADIE
i so veri scard. i not wana go hopital. i reeli no wana spen nites ther. dr say mayb no hav spen nite ther but i tell her no no no no an shak my hed lots.
it mad me cri. michel talk dr to..he tak car us. he good.. he hold my han an i lay my hed on his han an told him i scared bunchs tims an he kep say do no bes scard it bes ok..

but i still so scard i scard drs gona tri mak me dispeer an dy.i no wana dispeer. =(

i scard..i go eet an hids an sadie wan pla fite gam til we seepy.

wher Sisa? hers waz possd to bes talk to dr no me. it mak me sad. i hops hers no bes lost.

Sarah

[bleeding black]

Hiding,
Hospitals aren't always as bad as you might think, but we can understand not wanting to go. Remember it's your choice, you don't have to go if you don't want to. You aren't locking yourself into anything by calling up and getting more information.
We're really glad your GP was so understanding, that's great!

[Kitkat :)]

I don't even know who added this guy... Like, I do know him, but I just don't remember adding him as a friend. Just as well it wasn't some complete stranger.

[hidingme]

i so scard i frad dr wana mak me dispeer an dy. i not wana dispeer.

i no wana go hopital... maybe we go if we no hav spen nite ther.
i dont kno.

we relli swichee an sadie mad at hiding an her wana hert hers.. so we go let sadie pla fite gams so mayb her no hert us,

[Kitkat :)]

Same. They add me all the time on facebook :S

[hidingme]

ho w you kno i wont dispper? you sur tey wont mak me dy an dispeer?
i scard.

sadie pla fite gam so mayb hers no hurt us. we bes gettin seepy now tho wis we no hav work tomoro. but we has to.
Sarah

[bleeding black]

No one can make you disappear.
You are all part of a whole and no one can make you go away.
If the therapist or Dr is trying to do something you don't like, you don't have to do it. It is in your control and it's your choice. It's ok.

If you are concerned Sarah you should talk to Hiding :)

[hidingme]

hi lostboys..*hugs*

sorry we are all just really switchy and freaking out about this hospital thing
im gonna cll them today and make sure we wont have to stay there if we go to get evaluated
if we wot have to stay then we will go as long as we can come home the same day
Hiding

[Olive branch]

Someone said about eye colour to us too, I'm not sure it's physically possible though.

Tabitha.

[shadow-light]

I got told about changes in eye colour by a psych once! It sounds really weird... but also heard of things like heart problems, and other physical disorders appearing and disapearing with switching, so maybe... Only thing I know of with us is that Michelle doesn't appear to be dyslexic, which to be honest irritates me a bit lol guess I'm jellious, other than that any and all differences seem to be psychological rather than physical

[bleeding black]

Hey Tabitha, we get the eye colour thing too. Ash's mum has noticed and commented on it since we were a kid.
We've heard of it happening in DID, so we think it is possible.
It's amazing what can happen.

[bleeding black]

Yep, medical conditions, glasses prescriptions, all sorts can differ between alters...