Triggering (Abuse) - dissociative distress thread

[ghosts in the machine]

Quote:

Originally Posted by flying[star]

um... is there anythin offical about the mutiple peoples.
cuz if there ain't just quietly don't mention it.
not like everyone does bottom anyway. .

but with the girls.. hm.
how do they feel about not having boobs?

Yep, we were referred by our former T because we're multiple, so that's on record.

A big problem is that I know I'm not aware of everyone inside here. So it'll take time to meet them all and for us to work out a compromise about surgery. And I don't know if I can wait. I'm being really selfish, but I can't stand to live like this much more. I already double bind, and dress like a guy, short hair, etc, and I don't know if there's anything more I can do on my own.

Nala and Kyrrin have... concerns(?) about it. Well basically they're not keen right now. Kyrrin especially, although I don't know why yet. Alexa hasn't really answered my questions about it.

[PaleMoon]

Quote:

Originally Posted by shadow-light

this may be an odd question but I'm confused about sonething... we've had a new alter turn up: "nameless" and they apparently used to be part of Michelle... does that mean that Michelle split? Can alters split? Could that imply that alters can have systems of their own? I have no communication with nameless, I can't even feel their pressence, but from what I can understand they are very similar to Michelle is many ways, only Michelle is more violent and angry whereas Nameless just hates people and seems to think we should go live on some desert island away from all people or something. But ye... what do they mean by they "used to be part of Michelle"?

Shadow -- I kind of get where you're coming from with the splitting. My newer alter Maud used to be a part of Mishka/Sleet, but she sort of "peeled" (I don't know how else to describe it) herself off of him and joined the main group. She protects him a lot, and it bothers everyone else because of his attitude towards the body.

Also, Mishka/Sleet are two different alters, but I use a slash between their names because Sleet is like Mishka's "costume" he wears when he wants to scare the rest of the system into keeping quiet. Sleet is a wolf alter with a zipper on her side so that Mishka can go into her. He also goes into her when he is scared or upset. They aren't a part of the main group, they are kind of off to the side, so sort of in a system of their own. Wow that sounds extremely odd to say out loud, sorry.

---

There is a sort of inner battle going on right now. Mishka is very antagonistic towards the body, even going so far as to

The following content has been hidden - Reason : suicide trigger; other triggers

wanting to kill the body to keep us "quiet."
I'm scared because he doesn't care if anyone is bothered by our death; he just knows that his job was to keep the secret but now it's out so he feels that the only option is to die.

Naturally, the main group is trying to keep this from happening. But Maud is conflicted; she insists that he just needs some understanding, but her job is also to keep the whole inside safe, and it's just loud and worried in here. Also, Mom knows we go to forums and so on and is very against us coming here, thinking it's a "bad influence" and that we are getting "bad information."

So if you don't see me, I either can't get on or I'm in the hospital :/. Sorry guys.

[katnovia]

wow. i'm sorry it's like that for you palemoon. I hope things ease soon and that mishka/sleet finds some safe form of relief for his concerns (can't get better wording, sorry)

[bleeding black]

Pale moon,
You said that sleet's job was to keep the secret, was he told by someone who hurt him to keep it, that something bad would happen if he didn't?
Because we know that happens a lot, abusers threaten about telling.
Try letting him know that the secret has been told now, but that he is safe, he doesn't have to carry the burden anymore...

[PaleMoon]

I've decided to hide the explanation, since it is potentially triggering:

The following content has been hidden - Reason : triggering, abuse

My older brother (who was my main abuser), threatened me very subtly. His hold over me was so strong he only needed five words: "Don't tell Mom and Dad." I assumed he meant everybody, and Mishka is probably the result of that.

We tried telling him that it was okay, that the secret is out but it was okay, but he won't listen.

[DestroyMe]

does anyone know how to deal with particularly "violent" alters?
because he's been around since I was 13 and didn't really have a name when I asked..I don't like him..I'm not sure how I can at least either control him or make it so he's not harmful to me or anyone else I come in contact with. he scares me...

[bleeding black]

Keep reinforcing it, reassuring him. That's all you can do at the moment. Perhaps trying to distract him - with fun things, toys, colouring etc, keep his mind off it for a while?

[PaleMoon]

Thank so much, lostboys. We'll keep trying. He is holed up inside of Sleet right now, so I suppose the best thing to do is let him have his space and talk to him when he comes out.

[shadow-light]

Michelle is fairly violent because she is angry, so we have been trying to teach her other ways to let out the anger. Also found that she likes running, so bought some running gear so that she can do that if she likes as a distraction
maybe if you find out why they are violent you can try to find another outlet for them?

[DestroyMe]

I've tried that.
he doesn't like to talk, he just ridicules
and I think he's older then most of my others.
he's very negative, and has a perfectionist mindset..

[flying[star]]

I know you're reading over my shoulder again, but as much as I agree with you, do you HAVE to butt in?
anyway yeah.
been hectic or however that's spelled IE doesn't have spellcheck

Jen, your mom is being rediclious. really. The misinformation is coming from what little she knows... moms eh?

[PaleMoon]

She can be ridiculous. But she says if it's okay with our therapist we can keep coming on, so our T is going to talk to her :).

[flying[star]]

are all moms crazyier than the people who are supposedly the mentally ill ones?

[PaleMoon]

Well, my mother is just under a lot of stress. We all are, what with money problems and everything. And it is probably no fun dealing with the fact that your daughter has a dissociative disorder/eating disorder/self-harm issues/depression.

[flying[star]]

yah i guess.

heh. i'm glad our mom doesn't know about this. she doesn't even know none of us are a girl. Don't know how she misses that one consitering what kyle did to our hair (my hair i'll get over it )

[[Fog]]

Emma - How are things going? Is Manager helping?

Labyrinth - Sorry to hear that. It's very hurtful when that happens. I basically have no friends any more :-\ Hope you are doing ok.

Newlife - How are you doing today? Did you get through the night ok?

Hazel - The cakes sound nice! I know what you mean about posting here, I guess that's why I mainly stick to this thread because it feels safer. Hope you're ok. I have two versions of the same alter at different ages, and there is another alter behind Frank who has never come out but kind of seems to control or be an authority for Frank. I think the word "peeled" describes really well what has happened to me before. Although having said that I do wonder if there is more to Holly... Basically, yes I think it's possible, but it's sounds confusing *Hugs*. I'd agree with it happening with those who are more fully formed, certainly in my system anyway, but I'd imagine it's different for everyone.

SD - You put that so well. Everyone responds differently to trauma and there's no right or wrong. Thanks.

Kathryn - Wow, that's insightful of your mum. How are things with her these days?

Nerdxfighter - *Hugs*.

Lost Boys - I'm sorry that things are so frightening for you. It sounds very scary. Have you talked to your therapist about the changes? How do your alters feel?

Katie - Hope you are ok.

Tabitha - How did it go in Cambridge? How are you guys doing?

Hiding, Sadie, Sarah - I believe you all. I think you guys have been through some terrible experiences and it's understandable that you guys are finding things hard because of it *Hugs*.

Katnovia - *Cuddles if it's ok*. Hope that things are calmer for you now and that you got a good night's sleep.

Scath - Do you have a therapist at the moment who you could talk to about it all? It sounds very confusing and it might help to get another perspective on things and talk it all through.

Jen - I've had people say that to me about the forum before too, it's really annoying, but I usually just try to explain that it's highly moderated, supportive, does not feature anything "pro", and is a useful way to work through things more and get more support. Hope you can continue to come on. Sounds like your mum is going through a hard time, and I'm sure she is only trying to look after you and protect you because she loves you. Talking to the therapist might help to make things clearer for everyone. It sounds very scary and confusing, what's happening with Mishka. Is there any way for him to find another outlet for what he is feeling? Maybe you could do something like give him his own box to put objects/ writing/ etc in, that everyone promises not to look at. That way he would still have a place for secret things to protect. It will take time for him to accept that you are not in danger any more, but in the mean time I hope you can stay safe.

PerfectMess - It's hard when an alter is very violent. Do you know what is making the alter so violent and destructive? Can you communicate with them? Are there any other outlets they could use? I find drawing, writing, loud music, and exercise can help.

InsanityLives/ FlyingStar - Hope you guys are doing ok.

[[Fog]]

That was very long but people's posts are getting lost and it's important that no one feels left out/ disregarded.

I was so out of it last night and I still am. I don't know. Just feel drugged and tortured and depressed and alone and fed up. Don't know what to do to fix this.

[l.e.g.o]

im exhausted
dian is tiring
sorry

[ghosts in the machine]

Is there anything you can do to distract yourself from the feelings Hannah? I know when I'm feeling really bad I try to get immersed in a complicated computer game or something that requires concentration to 'get away' from the world and bad feelings.


I don't have a T right now... still waiting to get an appointment with the psychology people for a DBT assessment. And if they say no then I'm not sure what'll happen after that. We're playing a waiting game essentially.

[[Fog]]

It's so frustrating when you're just waiting. Do you have a CPN or psych? Hope that they hurry up and help you soon.

I'm about to go the gym. Doesn't really give me much of a break from my head but helps to relieve some of the anxiety.

*Hugs Newlife*