A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
FlyingStar - It was okay to hug her, she'd just never experienced one before so now she's all confused because she's felt something besides anger, hate and frustration.
Shadow-Light - Normally it's my Mum who picks on my weight and eating because she has an ED so she's always telling me when I need to lose weight... I didn't expect that from my Grandad because he's technically overweight.
Urgh I hate it when parents do that ): I'm sorry your Mum thought you were pregnant ):
We have a toy cat. Usually Jack is here and he manages to snap me out of flashbacks and help with nightmares, but he's not here right now so I keep getting sort of "trapped" in them...
The following content has been hidden - Reason : abuse trig
I currently have red marks all over my neck as earlier I was so convinced that my ex (who's dead) was here strangling me and I was grabbing at my neck trying to get his hands off me. I think I may need to wear a scarf for a few days to prevent questions from people
have kitty close then at least its something to help a little.
&its not the same time but sometimes we see things and in trying to claw them off will manage to hurt ourselves on accident cause the bugs seem too real (i do it as much as kyle does)
maybe you can get away with a light scarf one of those pretty silk/silk-like thingies?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kitkat :)
FlyingStar - It was okay to hug her, she'd just never experienced one before so now she's all confused because she's felt something besides anger, hate and frustration.
Thanks for everything yall said it means alot. I sometimes.. alot.. feel the same way that sarah is terrified of me and Hiding seems to go inbetween being scared or me and disliking me or so it seems.
in all honesty- i try to help them. i try to help them from being treated as a doormat. but Hiding doesnt listen to me or let me say things that need to be said.. she just says ok and go and does whatever..uggh and well THAT is when i get mad.
thanks again so much for understanding me.. it really means alot SADIE
yeah i understand but hiding..for some unknown reason has some control over me ..*rolls eyes*
The following content has been hidden - Reason : trigger S/I
yeah i used used to make hiding pinch her arms..we have zero pain tolerance for anything else.. and well that didnt last long cause that was around the time Sarahbecame known to her
I've missed quite a bit, so I'm not going to do individual replies, but I have read it all and I am thinking of you all and hoping that today is a better day for everyone.
Yesterday was a really great day. I had a lot of fun with my brothers, and my parents are now back home, hurrah!
The bad thing was that I "binged" on shoplifting and I feel so, so ashamed.
I remembered a lot of things to do with my ex last night and SHed badly.
This morning I'm feeling really down and spaced out. I went to church this morning and I must have looked drugged I'm so dissociated. The gym isn't open today and I'm panicking about it, but at the same time I feel so drained and depressed I'm not sure I have the energy for exercise.
I'm scared.
People... who hurt us...the deep down system knows about them.... but i dont.
i see bits of what they did... i hear screams, the screams that escape from a child when they are being torn apart, physically and psychologically at the same time, i can hear the blood drip drip drip from the table onto the floor, and the buzzing of machines... footsteps shuffling... i can't feel my toes, feet, fingers, hands. whats inside me? a clang, loud, and a muffled voice.
Lost Boys - *Holds hand*. Are you able to call your T or anyone for extra support? Take care, I hope you're ok.
Katie - Why do you feel like that? Is it bad or good?
*
I feel pretty crappy today. The hot weather affects my medication and I'm really dissociated and spacey. I feel really down and drained. I'm exhausted with the flashbacks, memories, feelings, I'm exhausted with the lack of sleep and the over exercise and not enough food, my arms are so sore and I just want to hide in bed from the world for ever.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
The following content has been hidden - Reason : possible ED trigger
Ayka won't let me eat... She doesn't tell me that I'm fat (well not all the time) but because my Grandad said that he thought I'd put on weight she's not happy so I can't eat I'm so hungry but she won't let me... I know she'll be sick if I eat, and I don't want to be sick because I hate the taste of vomit and the way my eyes water... So I'm just drinking a lot (water and pepsi max, not alcohol) to try and fill the hunger...
would she let you drink something like fruit juice? Are there any "safe foods" she'll allow? I have the same trouble with Sarah fairly often but she'll allow certain foods
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
She'll let me drink, that's not a problem.
I don't know what her safe foods are... She won't let me eat anything, because I'm not hungry enough.
I think she'll only let me if I come close to passing out or I get dizzy or something... Then she'll let me.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Probably, she just won't let me chew anything.
Anything that's fluid is fine by her, she's said I can have milkshakes and smoothiesn and stuff but nothing that actually requires proper digestion or chewing.
its good to feel happyier emotions
![[Fog]'s Avatar](images/avatars/12 - Copy.gif)
I'm so hungry but she won't let me... I know she'll be sick if I eat, and I don't want to be sick because I hate the taste of vomit and the way my eyes water... So I'm just drinking a lot (water and pepsi max, not alcohol) to try and fill the hunger...
