He sounds like an internal-abuser to me... apparently it's a semi-messed up form of protector, we have one called HIM but he's been quiet for a while now.
there's some infomation on "abuser alters" here http://truthbeknown2000.tripod.com/T...2000/id24.html there are probably better sources but it's the only one I had saved in my bookmarks - also it's a bit ritual abuse centric (and could be triggering to any RA survivors)
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
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The following content has been hidden - Reason : SI trigger
A girl I know SI'd recently and I saw her yesterday and her cuts were all fresh and red and had recently bled... And it triggered to us and we really wanted to do it...
It's been okay, but I've been "under the influence" for the past 2 days so I haven't really felt much...
well ok maybe i wasnt totally"fair" on the kid but well she was driving me CRAZY with her whining and crying and baby-ish junk, plus i had Hiding freaking screamin at me all damn day.. so glad she finally had sarah take a xanax andthen she read out book to her which calms us all..we like to listen to the story and we see it like watching amovie..
anyhow-they were just getting on my freaking nerves and i went into my "i dont get a damn mode"
Hanah- sorry you had issues with those urges..i just hope it wont get ya into trouble.
kit kat- nice to see ya again. sorry about your S/I triggers but well Hiding wants me to tell ya that she thinks you are strong enough to fight it .
Hoep everyone is doing alright.. glad thinks have calmed down more for us inside now... now its just sarah i hear in her room whining and cryin softly.. but at least its not too loud. SADIE
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
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Thanks Sadie, tell Hiding I thank her too.
Ayka has the same problem with Blue... She tries to intimidate her and says horrible things to her to get her to stop crying and acting like a baby, but Blue's only 7 and Ayka's 18, and she often forgets this... But she knows now not to shout at Blue because it'll only make things worse for the whole system, not just for what's going on between them both.
I think this would be the case for your system as well, it would upset Hiding to hear you two not getting along.
You have to remember that Sarah is much younger than you and still hasn't learned to handle the sensitive side of her emotions properly so they've manifested in her crying, whereas you haven't as well but have manifested in you getting angry because it's a way to shut out anything that could potentially, in your eyes, upset and harm you.
I'm not having a go, I'm just relating Ayka's experience with Blue to yours with Sarah... She's telling me to write all this now. Hope this isn't totally useless for you :)
thanks Kathryn & Ayka. I am sure her crying and screaming and whining does only make it all worse for Hiding when we fight or whatever, but this morning was just chaotic bad when i was trying to ask mom questions about stuff I want to know and Hiding yeling at me and sarah was screaming and crying..it was veri loud in here to say the least. im sure yall are right tho. but well this is all new for us and ive only been :known: to them a few days now and there is no way that i can jump into that sticky sweet " lets all love eachother and chase butterflies' crap. *makes a puke face*
So angry. Angry at everyone and everything and just waiting. Waiting to have my say. It's going to happen soon. Afraid after, we will snap and land back in a psych hospital. Because oh, it feels like a lot is going to go down.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
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It was the same for Ayka when she was first known to me. She finds it a bit crowded with about 8 of us but she's getting used to it, she's getting used to knowing when it's her turn to do what she pleases without doing anything destructive... When she was posting on here a few weeks back she was given her first hug and it has bewildered her. Since then she's become a bit withdrawn... I think she's in shock so I'm not hurrying her to come out or anything.
Ayka would post but she's nervous about typing, which isn't like her but I think she's nervous about being hugged on here again. She hasn't really experienced affection. Just give yourself time, don't pressure yourself to adjust to what Hiding or Sarah wants straight away because at the moment you have your own initial needs, you just have to find a way of letting them both know safely and finding out a way to get what you want without hurting anyone.
It'll take time, so don't hurry yourself, like I said :)
thanks Kathryn~ thanks for understanding..most seem to just think i am a bitch..r maybe i just percieve it that way. just seems like im always getting the 3rd degree on how i feel and what i say. but its just how i feel.
facet~ im angry alot too so i can totally get where you are coming from. imo- ignore the mom and go have your cig so youll feel a bit better. SADIE
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
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That's okay, it's more Ayka imparting on me what she feels and me putting it into words... Because she can relate to you, she wants me to tell you that she likes the sound of you (I'm proud of you Ayka for saying that) and that if you want to talk she'll try to help with the anger and frustration that you feel. She knows that it can feel limitless at times and that no matter how much you do or what you do it never seems to relieve any part of it but she says that it fades over time and you learn to deal with it and vent it appropriately. Neither of us think you're a bitch, Ayka thought that I hated her and that others in the system hated her too... But that's because she didn't open up to them or listen, and just let her anger intimidate everyone so no one really wanted to talk to her because they were afraid. But that just isolated her and made her angrier. And a vicious circle forms.
It's okay, it doesn't matter how you feel. Don't be ashamed of it. I'm not. It's just feelings, I can't help it but that's how I feel. Sorry I have to type now, I'm sick of Kathryn typing and wording it more nicer than I would. Still, she's more tactile than I am.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
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Yeah, fair enough.
I just re-read what she posted there... She's calmed down a lot since then, althought she's still trying to control my eating seeing as my Grandad said that he thought I'd put on weight tonight so that's given her even more reason to do so.
my Grandad said that he thought I'd put on weight tonight so that's given her even more reason to do so.
hate it when family members do that.
Last time we saw the mother she accused us of being pregnant as apparently we've gotten "fat" :( despite being technically slightly underweight
hazle you got anythin that makes you feel safe?
i, we actually, still have a baby blanket that feels nice an smells right that helps keep away bad dreasm
We have a toy cat. Usually Jack is here and he manages to snap me out of flashbacks and help with nightmares, but he's not here right now so I keep getting sort of "trapped" in them...
The following content has been hidden - Reason : abuse trig
I currently have red marks all over my neck as earlier I was so convinced that my ex (who's dead) was here strangling me and I was grabbing at my neck trying to get his hands off me. I think I may need to wear a scarf for a few days to prevent questions from people
hate it when family members do that.