Triggering (Abuse) - dissociative distress thread

[[Fog]]

Lyssie *waves* i understand what you mean, sometimes i feel relieved when i dissociate to kind of get a break and some distance from whats on my mind. Are you dissociating a lot? Do you know if anything has triggered the need for distance? Kathryn i know the feeling and its really hard. Just try your best to fight the urges xxx

[Kitkat :)]

I really can't SI, at least not the way I used to, so I'm trying to think of other ways.
I need the release, of some/any kind that I can get...

[LuvableLyssie]

Hi Hannah! *waves back*
Yeah I am dissociating quite a bit, but for the time being everything seems clear and not through a glass window! (that's how I describe my dissociation - looking through a glass window, feeling 'out of it' or in the distance) Just that I'm so used to being dissociated as it happens to me so much and it tends to last for instance the summer (I was abused in the summer time)! I think the fact that everything's happening that's scary - I moved out of home, I started voluntary work... and it's all so real... I don't want it to be! Scared :( xxx

[hidingme]

kathrn- sisa sey hers sori cuz wel her usd pinch arms befor i comd and hers afraide her gavs you tat ida hers sey hers so sori if it her falt.
we really hope yo no hurt you self.\\lyssie - e bes real scard to we not sur what bes wroong wif our hed
sis a tni mayb hers serius sik,,,

just wan t you know we undrstands.
Sarah

[Kitkat :)]

Oh no it's not her fault, I thought of it just now, I didn't know she used to do it. No need to apologise sweetie :)

I don't want to hurt myself either but sometimes the urges are overwhelming.

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I've now got a load of random aches and pains popping up all over the place... My nose hurts, my right arm aches (not the one I hit) and behind my eye aches ):

[hidingme]

i sory you hurties.. maybe tak a advil? it help us som time and seeps helps me alwas feel like betr too

[hidingme]

oops i keeps saying wron name heer for hiding.. at lesst it not rely rite but stil i need tri stop so hiding not bes scrd tat bad man find us

[[Fog]]

I am bethany g am 7 years old helLo. im realy sad becns i was ritin in jurnal about yukyuk fing wiv baddie man an it mak me sad an scarrd. An i been hidin for long tim rpo dats scarry tog

[Kitkat :)]

Hey Bethany.
Blue's 7 as well, she finds it hard to talk about things that have happened.

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That's another thing, I still got laid off therapy even though I told the psychiatrist about me possibly OD'ing and not remembering it. F*cking sh*t.

[Kitkat :)]

You're telling me.
You watch when I do something totally stupid and I have no recollection of it. My Mum will go apesh*t at the system for laying me off...

ARGHHHHHHHHH WHY???

WHY DID HE THINK THAT I DIDN'T NEED THERAPY??? DID HE NOT LISTEN TO A WORD I SAID!!

[PaleMoon]

^ Indeed Kathryn, you need therapy. If they don't want to work with you, then they should refer you someplace else. It's their responsibility as professionals.

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We're all doing okay. ED symptoms are flaring up a bit. Everyone except Black is opposed to restricting. They know that the less I eat, the quieter they'll get. Luke says he'll force coming out again if it comes right down to it and won't go back in until I "get my sh*t together."

Damn straight I will. You are not going to starve Allison and me and the littles out like that. We exist and we're here to stay. Deal with it.

[[Fog]]

Bethanys hidden now but its a huge step. She hasnt come out that i know of in about two months. Dont know whether this is good or bad that she is back. Im feeling panicky and wide awake. Shed earlier blah blah same old every night. Ive got to be up early tomorrow. I dont know what to do. Bethany wrote down lots of awful things about my ex. Ive now got a really disgusting image in my head. So i dont want to shut my eyes. Help

[[Fog]]

Sorry that was supposed to be SHed not shed

[hidingme]

hihi bethany.. i sit s wif you and hold you hand if you wants..

[hidingme]

oh! hiding bes kina citd hers found somting calld complex ptad tat kinda sounds like it will explane what we is goin thru.

[Horizon]

More writing is popping up in the journal, and some of my actions aren't feeling like my own. A lot of stuff is going on in my life right now. Too much to even try to type out.

I feel bad that I don't know as much about my system as some of you guys seem to...and I've been working at it since 2007 with my therapist.

[PaleMoon]

^ It's okay, Facet, you don't have to know everything about your system, or even a lot. There's no need to feel bad; it's nothing that you've done. Every system is unique--some are more secretive, more/less connected, you name it. The important thing is that it helps you--that's what it's there for *gentle hugs if okay*

[[Fog]]

Thanks Sarah *Hugs*. What's complex ptad?

Facet - I have a superficial understanding but to be honest I'm completely out of touch with myself and have no idea how many there are, who is about... Everyone's been hiding for a couple of months until last night. Jen's right, everyone is different and I think some systems are much more co-operative than others. I hope you're ok, if you ever want to get anything off your chest then PM me :-]

Jen - Hope you are doing ok.

**

I'm exhausted, I didn't get to sleep until very late. I just read the stuff that Bethany wrote last night... :-[ This all feels so messed up. Am I going backwards?? Is it progress or not if I am switching again? I'm scared... I was switching a lot before, then hypnotherapy went wrong, everyone hid and was angry, and that was my 3rd admission... My parents are going away today until Saturday and I'm nervous, my brothers will be here but normally I follow my mum around all day basically, it's going to be very strange.

[shadow-light]

Jack just left to get his train, he's going to London. So now I be alone

[[Fog]]

*Cuddles*

Is there anything you can do to keep busy so you don't feel overwhelmed by it all?

He'll be back soon.

Hope you're ok xx