Hazel im so sorry. I dont know what to suggest but i am hoping and praying that something works out for you soon. Have you been able to speak to jack much about it? Kathryn *big hugs* i am so glad that you do exist and that i can get to know you a bit. Im so sorry that your mum said those things and has made you feel so bad. Maybe she feels guilty and at fault for your struggles? I feel so sh triggered right now dunno why
I'm basically relying on getting a job... if I have a job I don't need a gurantor and so can get somewhere to live. Problem if I'm suposibly not able to work, but meh, applying anyway, will cross the actually getting to and doing the work bridge once get to it.
But even if it comes to the worst I guess at least I've done it before so I know what to expect
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
I just don't know what to do.
How do I look her in the eye anymore? How can I carry on, knowing that I'm the reason she wants to give up?
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I just want to cut my arms, into small ribbons so that I'll bleed to death so quickly no one will even get a chance to find out why I died. There'll be so much blood just flowing out of my arteries and veins that I'll just die within a matter of seconds.
you have to focus on you and your recovery, focus on getting yourself better and then once that's done you can help your mum.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : trig
I can relate to a degree. When I was younger my mum attempted suicide and told me that I was the reason. But things like this are more complicted than that I think, there usually it not just one reason and regardless I doubt she really wants you gone
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Don't wanna do this anymore... It's too much, she expects me to worry about me AND her... But I can't do that, I just can't, I can barely look after myself.
Hazel is there anyone who can advise you- cab or social services or you cmht? Wish i could help. Kathryn i know it must feel awful right now. Your mum said some things she really shouldnt have done. But it is not your fault that she is feeling so down sweetie it really isnt. You need to focus on your future and your recovery. I know you can do this *hugs* Is there anything you can do to calm down and distract? Im feeling so on edge im tired but sh urges really bad... What a way to bring in my birthday Urgh.
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
It is Hannah, she told me it was my fault she said she didn't mean it, but why would she have said it in the first place
I can't do this, I'm never going to get over this...
I can't calm down, I'm practically hysterical and I can't distract myself, I've got the TV on as well but I can't do it... I just can't do it, just like I'm a failure.
Oh happy birthday :)
Am I triggering your SH urges? I'm sorry if I am ):
No youre not dont worry Sometimes we say awful things we dont mean. I wasnt there so i cant really comment but shes your mum and she loves you. Maybe you could do something active to use some of the angry upset energy? Are you alone? Be kind to yourself, i know its hard and i know its annoying of me to write that but i care about you, please stay safe. Im gonna go offline now. I hope everyone gets through the night safely. Loves xxx
Shadow,
We don't think it's the universes way of telling you you don't belong at all. We think it's just f*cked up that this bad **** happens...
Are there any supported accommodation type places you can check out?
Hope you are OK.
Pnuemonia Blue.
How did it go with the police?
Did someone in the system already tell them that the wrong man hurt them?
We're concerned that Hattie being influenced by the man in your system to say the wrong person did it will affect your credibility with the police..
Perhaps you need to have a big discussion with everyone and get it sorted before you speak to them. Cause here in Aus false accusations are a criminal offence.
___
Our T is back and we are seeing her tomorrow, so that should be good.
I stayed at Cougar's place the night before last, it was good :)
Watched 'Shutter island' and it was a HUGE mindf*ck... I don't reccomend it if you are in a bad place, but it was pretty amazing, especially the way it was made...
^ Good to hear from you again, Ash. Hooray for getting your T back! Always good to have some support again. We can't watch horror movies (they make everyone waaaaaay too anxious and scared), but we're glad you liked it :).
Hazel -- I am so sorry about being homeless again. I actually stumbled across your blog and had a chance to read your story (I hope you don't mind). It's just heartbreaking that those things happened to you, and to a certain extent are still happening. If you lived near me I'd let you crash on my couch :).
---
Work was bad tonight. One of the customers was really mad and yelled at the body, which made Elizabeth cry. That in turn triggered Luke coming out (he's the one who holds anger and protects the body), and he was rather passively nasty to another customer. Our manager wasn't mad (we've never had a discipline problem before), but I'm worried. Luke was just doing his job, but it's not appropriate at work, and we don't want to get fired.
She got what was f*cking coming to her, the bitch. No one makes one of the littles cry as long as I'm around. I'm not sorry about it.
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'"
"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'"
umm i had stuff i wanted to tell kathryn.. but i got hightly distracted seeing someone here on this board from another i usd to go to ..the person was always nice to me..just scard what is happening to me will be rumored to others.. even if my name is naot same here..
umm,, sorry scard now worried and nervous.. not feeling safe.
but still i will try-
kathryn- sweetie, it seems you r mom has issues of her own. you alone can not be the cause of that and HOW dare she even imply such a thing.
you are right- you can not take care of yourself and her. so try your hardest not to worry and not to think of the mean things she said.
focus on you and maybe try to distanced just a little from her for a while..
it is not your fault for whatever she is going through. it sounds to me that she needs to seek professional help as well.
please take care of yourself and fight off you SH urges.remember it is not your fault and never was.
*safe hugs* here if you need me/us
Hiding
ok glad i got out what i wanted to be said.. now im going to hide for a while myself and hope that maybe people wont find me..
we are scared and nervous. and have to work soon ugh.,..
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please stay safe honey. Is there anyone you can be with for support?
she said she didn't mean it, but why would she have said it in the first place 
