my partner got confused by rose too... basically they had rose water in and then for the icing I mushed up rose-petles into icing-sugar.
I usually make lavander cakes, but have run out of lavander
Sayuri hope youre ok. Shadow those cakes sound yum, rose is a really nice flavour. Flying hope you are ok, drawing pictures sounds good and is a great way to work on expression and communication. Ive been writing in my journal. All this horrible stuff came into my head and now i feel awful. Make it all go away i feel so low and i just dont want to keep living when i feel like this and remember these things
^ No, go ahead, show the drawing. Everyone else inside is eager to see it too :)
Aw, Hannah, I know just how it feels to feel so low because of memories. Not wanting to live was our reaction after our first flashback. But it's okay because that stuff is over; you're here now, and you're safe *hugs*.
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
Hello, just dropping by and checking in. We've made our decision. Been very busy around here with grad parties but we're getting by and then we will call on Wednesday.
Jen - *Hugs* Thank you for understanding. I feel so depressed recently, I hate being in the real world :-[ Not hallucinating at the moment and in some ways I wish I was because that was less raw and close. How are you doing? How's things with the newer alters?
InsanityLives - Nice picture :-] Hope you're having a good day.
Plum - Well done for being so brave and posting. It all sounds very confusing and upsetting, but I really think that you need to tell your therapist what is really going on.
Emma - How are you feeling about talking to your therapist about what really happened? Are you ok?
Facet - Glad you're doing ok :-]
**
I feel really low today but I'm trying to keep busy. It's my birthday tomorrow and I'm looking forward to it but I'm a bit worried that I won't be able to enjoy it because my mood has been so low recently.
Hannah -- Woo birthday! :D Don't worry, birthdays are always fun. Do you have any plans for that day?
Emma -- We're sorry about the bad man. He sounds like he's been causing lots of chaos. Sending lots of good thoughts your way :).
insanitylives -- We love the picture! The littles especially love Simba :).
---
Everyone inside is doing just fine, though they have been quieter lately. Probably things are just settling down.
I am however, struggling with denial that the abuse wasn't "that bad." As in, bad enough to cause alters and all that, so I think I'm making it up. Gah, going to my therapist will help, I think.
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
Hehe Yeah my plan is to spend the morning with my folks, then the afternoon with my boyfriend, then meet up with my family and go ice skating in the evening. A little random I know but it's been a mission to think of things I can do!!
I can really understand your denial, I struggle with the same feelings. I think the best thing is to talk to your therapist and tell her how you are feeling about it. Sometimes I find it helps me to write about it and then read it later in an objective way and pretend it's about someone else. It's easier then to acknowledge that it really was "that bad".
By the way I'm changing my user name and stuff, to be honest I was just finding it really triggering which is a bit pathetic but yeah just so you know :-]
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
Don't know why I've dissociated so much... I don't know what's happening to me.
Everytime my Mum comes in my room I actually check to make sure I haven't self harmed, even though I know I haven't. I feel the need to cover up my arms and body, even though they're scar-free... And I haven't a clue as to why I'm doing this.
"A penny for my thoughts, oh no, I'll sell 'em for a dollar
They're worth so much more after I'm a goner
And maybe then you'll hear the words I been singin'
Funny when you're dead how people start listenin'"
Newlife- hugs back Jen- thank you dear. It will be *fairy* which is a rubbish name but at least its not sa and ed triggering lol! How are you doing? Kitkat- has anything upset you to cause you to dissociate more? I know what you mean about checking with self harm. Im constantly checking and rechecking whether ive left any hints of any maladaptive behaviours. Hope youre ok dear.
Don't know why I've dissociated so much... I don't know what's happening to me.
Everytime my Mum comes in my room I actually check to make sure I haven't self harmed, even though I know I haven't. I feel the need to cover up my arms and body, even though they're scar-free... And I haven't a clue as to why I'm doing this.
I'm still overly stressed, earlier I ended up having a panic attack in the middle of the floor and it took Jack over an hour to calm me down :( . Also just had dinner, and it wasn't the healthies of things so now struggling a bit...
A thousand mile journey starts with the first step
Join Date: Oct 2009
I am currently:
I haven't been upset... But like I said, I'm not really aware of my emotions. I started crying today because this cat at the vets where I work wouldn't go back in his cage and started hissing, normally it never phases me but I started crying.
CRYING, FOR GOD'S SAKE.
Why did I start crying?? There was no reason to cry, I've been dealing with nasty cats for at that place for 3 years!
But I know I haven't self harmed... But... Oh I don't know, I don't know why I'm doing this.
I constantly feel like I've self harmed and that I should be hiding it.
![[Fog]'s Avatar](images/avatars/12 - Copy.gif)
i feel so low and i just dont want to keep living when i feel like this and remember these things 
Yeah my plan is to spend the morning with my folks, then the afternoon with my boyfriend, then meet up with my family and go ice skating in the evening. A little random I know but it's been a mission to think of things I can do!!
