banana: just because your alters don't hold memories that you know of or don't come out often doesn't mean they're not there for a reason. perhaps your mind just dissociated in order so you were able to act differently in traumatic situations to survive type thing or parts of bad feelings/things might have never been dealt with so your mind is kinda stuck there, just in a less visible way. Doesn't mean they aren't there for a reason though or that you are a fraud. you just have different symptoms than some other people and that doesn't mean your problems are any less or more valid.
Pale moon,
Lack of sleep, or lack of restful sleep really makes everything worse doesn't it?
Glad you worked it out with the medication, we didn't know that about the SSRI withdrawals, good to know. Black,
Hey, we are the lostboys.
You are very insightful for a 12 year old! We're impressed! :)
You are right childhood abuse can have all sorts of an impact on many aspects of a persons life, from dissociation, neurological effects to more indirect things like education. And of course people studying it are learning more each day.
We found this and think it's great....
Quote:
Neurobiological studies of DID support the validity of the clinical diagnosis and suggest that one brain can generate two or more distinct states of self-awareness, each with its own unique pattern of seeing, thinking, behaving and remembering. Physiological markers such as changes in electrical skin conductance (related to sweating), heartbeat, response to medication, allergic reactions and endocrine function behave differently depending on which state the patient is in. For example, Simone Reinders and her colleagues at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands recorded subjective reactions (emotional, such as fear, and sensorimotor, such as restlessness), cardiovascular responses (heart rate, blood pressure and heart rate variability) and cerebral activation patterns in 11 DID patients.
Fantastic for the DID effected population and scientific evidence for all the skeptics!
Suspended - thank you for saying that, it means a lot and makes a lot of sense. I've dissociated for as long as I can remember (oxymoron I know lol) and there are huge chunks in my memories. When I was trying to remember some of the stuff with my ex I realised that there are a lot more gaps than I realised. So I guess someone in my head must hold those memories.
Pneumonia - yeah that's true. I felt like they all hid away after all the problems with my hypnotherapist and they haven't really been out since then, I guess being admitted again didn't help things. I suppose I'm just thinking about it more now because I'm further on in therapy and trying to remember things. How are you doing??
Insanity - yeah drawing is always a good one. It doesn't have to be expressing a memory or anything like that, just drawing whatever is on your/ their mind. At different times I've found it therapeutic to colour in pictures from colouring in books because you don't have to think about what it means or expresses but you can get quite immersed in it. I hope Flying Star is ok - send my love. Taking away tools etc isn't a cure, but it will keep them safe for the time being. Could you call the crisis team?
Lost Boys - I read something similar a while back and found it really interesting. I found that some of my alters changed temperature and I could predict who was about to come out by whether my cheeks went red and stuff (normally I'm deathly pale).
Lostboys -- Thanks so much for being nice to Black. She's shy around boys but is very happy to be talked to so much. We were surprised at her insistence to come out and talk to Hannah; she was very forceful! We're a very integrated system; so she knows what us oldies know and seems older than she really is.
---
Today was an excellent day. We're going to get a dog, and we found one that we love a lot. He's small, white and brown spotted, and looks kind like a Jack Russell Terrier, though he's a mutt. He's quiet and nervous because he had a traumatic experience as a little one, but that's okay. He reminds us of us, if that makes sense. Once he was comfortable, he stuck himself to our mother's leg and didn't let go. We may adopt him later. Can't wait! :)
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
Black - I'm glad that you insisted on talking to me :-] Like I said before, I'm here for you any time you want to talk, and if you ever want to PM me and get things off your chest I'd be pleased to hear from you. I know Bethany (7 year old alter - one of the ones I do "believe" exist) found it incredibly difficult not having her own friends and found it very helpful to be able to come on here and talk to understanding people.
PaleMoon - I'm so jealous you're getting a dog!! Sounds really lovely
My day has improved since lunch time's struggles. My therapist has been recommending the Families and Life books by Cleese & Skynner and I got hold of them today. I've been reading the stuff about families and sex and it's got me thinking. I know that my problem with sex is complicated - partly the way my ex treated me, partly religion, partly OCD making the religion stuff so rigid and punishing, partly the reactions of my parents. There was one sentence that really stuck in my head - that teenagers might switch off their sexuality in order to avoid nasty situations or reactions from parents. I won't ramble on about why that struck a chord with me but it's interesting.
Last night I was looking through my "Alters Folder" which I stopped doing a couple of months back. I've been wondering whether I just made up the whole alters thing when I was really ill for whatever reason. I came to the conclusion that most of them just seem like crap, I mean they existed to me at the time but now they seem more like embodiments of a state of mind if you see what I mean. But a few of them... I don't know it's like sometimes I hear their voices or I kind of feel their presence... Like they feel like full-formed people with memories and feelings... But I don't know maybe I'm just barking up the wrong tree here... How do I know?
I feel a little bit worried about posting this. It seems really self-indulgent and I feel like an idiot for posting this when you guys are all going through so much and being so strong...
You're not an idiot, Hannah. I have lots of states of mind and all of them have dissociation on some or other kind of level in different severities. You started by saying you had alters and you're discovering they're states of mind really; I started by saying I was "somebody else" and now I'm discovering I have lots of alters. Same thinking process, different way of finding out.
xxx
RYL FAMILY
Jo (Newlife) is my daughter
Kat (Katnovia) is my sister
I think Bethany, Jasper and Holly are fully fledged alters. Some of the others like Jessie, Frank, Jack, Becky, Grey were more states of mind or ways of expressing things. And some of the others I just don't believe in.
hey
so i don't relly know what this is, and i don't even know if its an issue but it certainly feels like it.
all my life i have felt different from the rest of the world. as a kid i was extremelly clingy as a kid and scared of other pple and of them being affectionate with me. i felt as if i was never ready for the world. like i could never fit in or cope around other people. society seemed to demand so much from me and so slowly i put on a front, i pretended i was someone else. i was loud, silly, happy, a bit weird, talkative, superficial, affectionate and i finally managed to be accepted nd i no longer had to be afraid that i was so different because i wasn't.
but then my depression strted spiralling out of control and for once i actually wanted to be myself but i couldn't. i felt trapped inside my body, i felt like i'd watch myself during the day and scream and beg and plead with myself to stop pretending but i couldn't, no matter how hrd i tried, and trust me, i tried. i'd spend he whole weekend psyching myself up, trying to convince myself that i would finally be myself but i never did.
is this normal?
thanks
they don't get it i wanna scream
i wanna breathe again
i wanna dream
*pops in* Is everyone doing okay? I hope so. It's sleepy time for us, we have to get up and go to work early in the morning. Just wanted to check in one last time. I expect everyone to still be here when I get back tomorrow, okay? I like you all.
(and I'm only half joking abut you all being here. Stay safe! :)).
My name is Matt, and I am a boy. Feel free to PM me :)
I have learned that the world is not a safe place. Not at all. But there are so many people who love me and want to keep me safe. And that is enough.
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