We're sorry we haven't been writing for ages, things have been very very hectic inside. So much anxiety from different people. The littles are huddling, terrified. Bad memories all the time, we've only just survived the past few weeks. Can't go in the church again, too scared still.
My head hurts. I'm scared, I'm not holding it together. My exams start tomorrow. I can't stop feeling scared. There's nowhere to turn to, I feel like I don't fit in anywhere. I want tthe turmoil to stop, I want to feel safe again.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
scath, good to see you round again. Sorry to hear things are so hectic at the moment.
Do you have any supports or resources to put some in place?
shadow-light, how are you today? What happened with the falling out?
Are things any better now?
I'm sitting at the usual cafe, art therapy starts in 2 hours, and we have T afterward.
This week we managed to get to our classes, so we are pretty happy with that. We're pretty on track with studio arts - just need to 'keep up the good work' says our teacher.
Lit we're struggling with. Not with the comprehension of the text or anything, but essay structure and putting it all together.
We missed out on all that in school.
We heard from admissions at the hospital (same place as art therapy and T's rooms) and we're being admitted Tuesday. So hopefully that might bring some relief to the system.
We got the stitches out, and our arm is nearly back to normal, which is good, felt so incapacitated being unable to use it.
what is art therapy like? I've always liked the sound of it but never really known what it entails lol
afterour fall out Jack didn't come home until 3O'Clock this morning... I think all is ok now, his thesis is due tomorrow so hoping once that's over with his stress level go down and this "blaim hazel for everything" phase will be over
bleeding black, glad your arm is healing up. hope T was helpful.
we don't have support, tthats what's making things so bad.
got first meeting with care co-ordinater this aftrnoon, so will try to explain that we need help... but they might not even believe we exist. the shrink we had to see didn't seem to care, and we're still on this enforced break from T.
there's stirrrings again. Shadow doesn't undertand, but we do, I do, theres a black creature uncoiling and everything went very very wrong last time he was awake. so scared. everythings blurring into don't tell don't tell.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
I am super upset
My mother found out yesterday that I rellapsed a few weeks ago
The following content has been hidden - Reason : maybe triggering
(I had to tell her, she wanted to see my scars, but I didn't show her)
She wanted to know why and kept asking a thousand times. How was I suppose to tell her the reason? How am I suppose to tell her I did it because I wasn't feeling real, that I've been numb for weeks?
My mother started crying because of it and I felt nothing
I write this alone on my bed; I've poisoned every room in the house; The place is quiet and so alone; Pretend there's something worth waiting for; There's nothing nice in my head The adult world took it all away; Wake up with same spit in my mouth; Cannot tell if it is real or not; I try and walk in a straight line An imitation of dignity- MSP - From despair to Where
I am human and I need to be loved just like everybody else does - The Smiths How Soon is Now
why did you feel unable to tell her that you did it because you didn't feel real? *hugs*.
does anyone have great difficulty remembering things? like, even things that they've done in the day, or what happened the night before? i feel like i'm completely living second-to-second, with no palpable memory of anything that's gone before. when people ask me questions about what's going on for me, i feel unable to answer because i just... don't know.
I have memory issues too. twhen it comes to thinks from years ago there's just blank.. but when it comes to day to day things now I can remember things, but have no idea what happened when. then now and again there are whole hours, days or even weeks that are "missing". It really frustrating
why did you feel unable to tell her that you did it because you didn't feel real? *hugs*.
because my mother wouldn't understand how I feel I'm not real, how I feel that everything around me isn't real and she would totally freak out on me
I have memory issues too...I usually forget what I did the day before (sometimes what I did hours before in the same day)
If someone asks me to do something or have a conversation with me, sometimes I forget
There are days in my life I remember nothing, it's like they were totally erased from my mind (I had a lot of problems in my old job because of it)
It already happened of people calling my name and saying hi to me and asking me how I was doing and I didn't remember when, where and how I met the person (it's so embarassing)
I write this alone on my bed; I've poisoned every room in the house; The place is quiet and so alone; Pretend there's something worth waiting for; There's nothing nice in my head The adult world took it all away; Wake up with same spit in my mouth; Cannot tell if it is real or not; I try and walk in a straight line An imitation of dignity- MSP - From despair to Where
I am human and I need to be loved just like everybody else does - The Smiths How Soon is Now
It already happened of people calling my name and saying hi to me and asking me how I was doing and I didn't remember when, where and how I met the person
I get that too. Then again there are also people who come up and say hi to me using a name that isn't mine :/ so not only do I have no idea who they are I have to pretend to be someone other than me (sort of... ish.. confusing stuff)
I get that too. Then again there are also people who come up and say hi to me using a name that isn't mine :/ so not only do I have no idea who they are I have to pretend to be someone other than me (sort of... ish.. confusing stuff)
it never happened to me someone calling me by a name that it wasn't mine...but is an ankward situation, the person stays there telling everything you did it together and I keep staring at her and smiling and pretending to remember something I have no recollection of...
I write this alone on my bed; I've poisoned every room in the house; The place is quiet and so alone; Pretend there's something worth waiting for; There's nothing nice in my head The adult world took it all away; Wake up with same spit in my mouth; Cannot tell if it is real or not; I try and walk in a straight line An imitation of dignity- MSP - From despair to Where
I am human and I need to be loved just like everybody else does - The Smiths How Soon is Now
I don't know if i belong here, but i am coming to the realisation that i have parts.
and right now i want to kick the **** out out of my little part.
i want her to punish her and i want to hurt her.
sorry if this isn't the right place to post
but frankly i don't know where i fit in anymore
or who i'm supposed to ask for help
or anything
Does anyone know how to stay in this place and time? All of the sites i've looked on tell me to seek help but i have help. I just need to know what i can do to not dissociate off.
i has no offial dionogie but i has people is my head
(sorry about the spelling)
tada magic i dunno how i got this -------> Í
hi julie 'm 26 i love hugs i have people in my head and they will talk to u. they will behave and they wont hurt u they are...
owen nearly 10 and doesnt like being touched
amy 11 quiet and shy
kate 15 has lotsa anger but is nice
so basically i'm that weirdo who talks to herself...hi...
but sometimes there is no specific feeling to trigger it off, or not one i've noticed anyway. so it sometimes just happens at random. i seem to have no warning.
sometimes grounding tequnieques, similar to the ones for flashbacks, can help you to "stay here" (for want of a better term). things that activate the senses like conting things around you or rubbing your and against something textured. People have also told me that sort of touching your own body, like puting your hand round your other wrist and stuff, sort of to feel and proove that your body is there and you are in control helps, but that one doesn't work for me
tada magic i dunno how i got this -------> Í 