Honestly Alex, part of me really wants to believe that I might be able to make a difference here and convince someone not to go down a horribly dangerous path.
However, I am aware I am probably wasting my time.
^ This. I think it's like a horror film or tragedy...part of you hopes that the bad bit won't happen even though you know it will. No matter how much you know it you just can't give up or tear your eyes away.
Always seem to get things just that little bit wrong.
"don't wish, don't start, wishing only wounds the heart"
I know, thats why ive tried too. Its just destroying my faith in humanity a bit at a time.
Sorry, i shouldnt have said what i did, it wasnt constructive or supportive
He was no longer jean valjean but no. 24601 -les miserable
Some of life's mysteries will never be solved, such as why, after spending an entire evening listenong to Bach, do I find myself humming "the birdie song".......
I am reaching, but i fall, and the stars are black and cold, as i stare into the void of a world that cannot hold- les miserables
As the mother of a 4 month old, i can confirm, it is really hard. And i am in a committed relationship and am mentally well.
You need to concentrate on yourself love. I realise self harm is a new thing for you, and at the beginning it seems like its not that bit a deal. I know too how curious you can get.. i know for a fact im not the only one replying to this that spent a long time back when they first started googling pictures of other peoples self harm and stuff.
Everyone has offered you sound advice once more, and i hope, in your own way youre taking it on board. You seem to be a little at least.
I would suggest you read some of the other threads on RYL, read peoples stories of desperation in wanting to stop hurting themselves, on how self harm has ruined their lives, at how they are at a rock bottom they probably never dreamed of when they first started, maybe eventually you will realise, nothing good will come of you continuing to treat yourself so badly.
What don't you like? What do you feel like you can't do anything about?
just how it looks on a screan and you dont no who it is or what their lie is realy like.
i dont no how to answer the other 1
I still think the world would be better off without me Some people, when they hit rock bottom, they dont have that person in their lives to pick them back up The mirror can lie, it doesnt show you whats on the inside. I dont think im fixed, people think that your like a car in a body shop, you go in, they fix you and your out, you work like your brand new, it doesnt work like that at all Sometimes i dont understand my self. Im not strong enough and im tired of pretending i am.
As the mother of a 4 month old, i can confirm, it is really hard. And i am in a committed relationship and am mentally well.
You need to concentrate on yourself love. I realise self harm is a new thing for you, and at the beginning it seems like its not that bit a deal. I know too how curious you can get.. i know for a fact im not the only one replying to this that spent a long time back when they first started googling pictures of other peoples self harm and stuff.
Everyone has offered you sound advice once more, and i hope, in your own way youre taking it on board. You seem to be a little at least.
I would suggest you read some of the other threads on RYL, read peoples stories of desperation in wanting to stop hurting themselves, on how self harm has ruined their lives, at how they are at a rock bottom they probably never dreamed of when they first started, maybe eventually you will realise, nothing good will come of you continuing to treat yourself so badly.
^^^ this
I wish someone told me when I was 11 what self-harming would do to myself. I would have stopped it early. God, I wish someone told me about the scars, the stitches, Psychiatric hospital admissions, general hospital admissions, drips, the terror of cutting 'too deep' and thinking you're going to die, having strangers stare at you everywhere you go, the bullying and rejection because people didn't understand and think you're an attention seeker, being kicked out of school because you scared the teachers too much, failing my A-levels because destroying myself was way more important, being placed under the mental health act, being restrained and injected in your bottom, being handcuffed by police and having your legs strapped together, being sat in a cell and doped up to the eyeballs on heavy duty psychotropic medication, feeling complete hopelessness and despair, thinking about killing yourself at every waking opportunity and almost killing yourself because everything got way, way, way beyond your control.
I wish someone gave me some warning!
Let us go then you and I, when the evening is spread out against the sky, like a patient etherized upon a table
- T.S. Elliot
just how it looks on a screan and you dont no who it is or what their lie is realy like.
By a happy coincidence, I believe I have met every single one of the people who posted their stories, and can verify that they are all wonderful people and have had tremendously difficult lives, and are strong, determined amazing people, working incredibly hard to turn their lives around.
They are my best friends and I would be honoured if they, as they have done in the past, took the time to reply to one of my threads and share their stories and insight.
WARNING:
Before you make that first cut remember. You will enjoy this. You will find the blood and pain release addictive. Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren’t deep and will heal easily, they will get deeper. They will scar. They will sometimes take months to heal. And years for the scars to fade. If you think you can limit the cutting to one area of your body think again. It will spread when you run out of skin.
Be prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame. Even if you are the most honest person ever to live you will find yourself lying to the people you love. You will jerk back from your friends when they touch you as if their hands were dipped in poison. You will be terrified that they will feel something under the cloth of your shirt, or just because it just plain hurts so much to be touched.
Be prepared to get so out of control you fear your next cut because you don’t know how bad it will be. Just wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100... Be prepared for your entire life to revolve around cutting, and thinking about cutting, cutting and covering up cutting. And just wait until that first time you cut “too deep”. And you freak because the blood won’t stop, and you are gaping, ad you feel yourself shaking all over. You are having a panic attack and you are terrified but you can’t tell anyone. So you sit there alone, praying it will be okay and swearing you’ll never let it go this far again. But you will; and further. Don’t worry, you will learn how to take care of your cuts so that you can go deeper and deeper and avoid A and E.
You will lie to yourself and justify it when you find yourself spending £10, £20, £30 every time you go into a chemist. You will feel the flutter of your heart beat every time you go to the counter. Butterfly strips, 3 or 4 kinds of dressings, wound tape, antibiotic cream, medical tape, and scar reducers. You will tap your foot impatiently hoping the queue will move on and that no one will stare at you or wonder why you need all these things. And at the same time secretly hope that someone will notice... someone who is standing in line with an armful of the same supplies. Someone who understands. But of course that never happens.
Medical supplies won’t be the only thing you spend all your money on. Be prepared to buy a new wardrobe. Long sleeve shirts in summer colours, bracelets, wristbands, boots, gloves the list goes on and on.
You will start looking at every one in a different way. Scanning their bodies for any signs of SI, just hoping that you might meet someone like you so you don’t feel so terribly alone. You won’t even think about it as you eyes scan their wrists, arms, hoping, just hoping that you might meet someone like you. But they are not. You will see their clean arms and feel terribly ashamed and alone.
You will start doing alot of things alone. You will always have to wash your laundry in private so that no one sees the blood stains on your clothes and towels. You will always be cleaning up the blood. Scrubbing your bathroom floor, wiping the blood off your keyboard.
You won’t be able to make it through a day without cutting. Next thing you know you’re locked in a toilet cubical somewhere breaking open a scar with a sowing needle you keep in your purse for emergencies. When you get really desperate anything can be a cutting tool. Scissors, car keys, needles, even a pen. It doesn’t really matter what if you need to cut bad enough you’ll find something.
Say goodbye to the things you took for granted. Like wearing shorts or sandals, pedicures and sleeveless tops. A normal summer day at the beach or the swimming pool will become a far off memory to you.
And remember to be ready to itch. Because you will itch and itch so much that “you look like you have fleas or a skin disease”.
You will become an expert on your own body as you destroy it carefully. You will dream about cutting. You will dream about being exposed. It will haunt you day and night and take over your life. You will wish you never made that first cut because you will absolutely hate cutting; but at the same time you love it and cannot live without it.
if............. i could move schools, towns
i would
get away from things
yeah withdrawel sucks real bad but i think it might be the only way i can get better
in may 2 years ago i was offerd a scoholership to a privert school and i declind it
whish i didnt
but at the end of the day if i could see me now as i am and see me now if i took the scholorship. im alot stronger now than i have ever been
I still think the world would be better off without me Some people, when they hit rock bottom, they dont have that person in their lives to pick them back up The mirror can lie, it doesnt show you whats on the inside. I dont think im fixed, people think that your like a car in a body shop, you go in, they fix you and your out, you work like your brand new, it doesnt work like that at all Sometimes i dont understand my self. Im not strong enough and im tired of pretending i am.
WARNING:
Before you make that first cut remember. You will enjoy this. You will find the blood and pain release addictive. Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren’t deep and will heal easily, they will get deeper. They will scar. They will sometimes take months to heal. And years for the scars to fade. If you think you can limit the cutting to one area of your body think again. It will spread when you run out of skin.
Be prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame. Even if you are the most honest person ever to live you will find yourself lying to the people you love. You will jerk back from your friends when they touch you as if their hands were dipped in poison. You will be terrified that they will feel something under the cloth of your shirt, or just because it just plain hurts so much to be touched.
Be prepared to get so out of control you fear your next cut because you don’t know how bad it will be. Just wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100... Be prepared for your entire life to revolve around cutting, and thinking about cutting, cutting and covering up cutting. And just wait until that first time you cut “too deep”. And you freak because the blood won’t stop, and you are gaping, ad you feel yourself shaking all over. You are having a panic attack and you are terrified but you can’t tell anyone. So you sit there alone, praying it will be okay and swearing you’ll never let it go this far again. But you will; and further. Don’t worry, you will learn how to take care of your cuts so that you can go deeper and deeper and avoid A and E.
You will lie to yourself and justify it when you find yourself spending £10, £20, £30 every time you go into a chemist. You will feel the flutter of your heart beat every time you go to the counter. Butterfly strips, 3 or 4 kinds of dressings, wound tape, antibiotic cream, medical tape, and scar reducers. You will tap your foot impatiently hoping the queue will move on and that no one will stare at you or wonder why you need all these things. And at the same time secretly hope that someone will notice... someone who is standing in line with an armful of the same supplies. Someone who understands. But of course that never happens.
Medical supplies won’t be the only thing you spend all your money on. Be prepared to buy a new wardrobe. Long sleeve shirts in summer colours, bracelets, wristbands, boots, gloves the list goes on and on.
You will start looking at every one in a different way. Scanning their bodies for any signs of SI, just hoping that you might meet someone like you so you don’t feel so terribly alone. You won’t even think about it as you eyes scan their wrists, arms, hoping, just hoping that you might meet someone like you. But they are not. You will see their clean arms and feel terribly ashamed and alone.
You will start doing alot of things alone. You will always have to wash your laundry in private so that no one sees the blood stains on your clothes and towels. You will always be cleaning up the blood. Scrubbing your bathroom floor, wiping the blood off your keyboard.
You won’t be able to make it through a day without cutting. Next thing you know you’re locked in a toilet cubical somewhere breaking open a scar with a sowing needle you keep in your purse for emergencies. When you get really desperate anything can be a cutting tool. Scissors, car keys, needles, even a pen. It doesn’t really matter what if you need to cut bad enough you’ll find something.
Say goodbye to the things you took for granted. Like wearing shorts or sandals, pedicures and sleeveless tops. A normal summer day at the beach or the swimming pool will become a far off memory to you.
And remember to be ready to itch. Because you will itch and itch so much that “you look like you have fleas or a skin disease”.
You will become an expert on your own body as you destroy it carefully. You will dream about cutting. You will dream about being exposed. It will haunt you day and night and take over your life. You will wish you never made that first cut because you will absolutely hate cutting; but at the same time you love it and cannot live without it.
You have been warned...
can you please shorten this, its to much
its long enough to be a book, and ive never even read a book
I still think the world would be better off without me Some people, when they hit rock bottom, they dont have that person in their lives to pick them back up The mirror can lie, it doesnt show you whats on the inside. I dont think im fixed, people think that your like a car in a body shop, you go in, they fix you and your out, you work like your brand new, it doesnt work like that at all Sometimes i dont understand my self. Im not strong enough and im tired of pretending i am.
That sounds to me like an internet forum might not be doing a lot for you. Maybe getting some sort of face-to-face support might be better for you?
Also: if posting here makes you feel uncomfortable then why do you keep doing it?
this sounds really selfish but i dont feel unfumftable when i post
only when i see other peoples forums
I still think the world would be better off without me Some people, when they hit rock bottom, they dont have that person in their lives to pick them back up The mirror can lie, it doesnt show you whats on the inside. I dont think im fixed, people think that your like a car in a body shop, you go in, they fix you and your out, you work like your brand new, it doesnt work like that at all Sometimes i dont understand my self. Im not strong enough and im tired of pretending i am.
can you please shorten this, its to much
its long enough to be a book, and ive never even read a book
Short-version:
Don't cut. It sucks. It sucks on day one when you're having to hide cuts, it sucks in twenty years time when you explain it to your kids. Look at some of the other threads here Ashlee, how sick some people are. Do you want to be like that?
Stop now. It's what we all wish someone had told us.
It doesn't matter where you come from; it matters where you go.
No-one gets remembered for the things they didn't do.
We won't all be here this time next year,
so while you can take a picture of us.
We're definitely going to hell,
but we'll have all the best stories to tell.
Short-version:
Don't cut. It sucks. It sucks on day one when you're having to hide cuts, it sucks in twenty years time when you explain it to your kids. Look at some of the other threads here Ashlee, how sick some people are. Do you want to be like that?
Stop now. It's what we all wish someone had told us.
thank u for shortening it alott
no i dont
I still think the world would be better off without me Some people, when they hit rock bottom, they dont have that person in their lives to pick them back up The mirror can lie, it doesnt show you whats on the inside. I dont think im fixed, people think that your like a car in a body shop, you go in, they fix you and your out, you work like your brand new, it doesnt work like that at all Sometimes i dont understand my self. Im not strong enough and im tired of pretending i am.
But bloody read it. I'm getting too annoyed to give any legit advice any more but what she's posted is very important and very helpful and you need to read it. You asked for help and advice, you've got it. Read it.
I find reading hard. But if someone takes the time to write something on one of my threads, I damn well extend them the courtesy of reading it.
![[Luna]'s Avatar](image.php?s=02e8cc132844330a334f01cd522eb167&u=32920&dateline=1692390196)
