has you Dr/T suggested anyone who could help? Maybe if they know of someone they could slowly introduce you to them to help you to trust them? There has to be someone somewhere who specialises in extreme abuse who can help
Thanks shadowlight.
Her and the DID specialist are trying to find someone. Apparently there will be a transition period. I'm just **** scared and hurting.
I made a thread about it in serious.
Thanks Ritzi,
The DID specialist has too many patients to take me on so he's looking for someone else.
Thanks Ritzi.
I've been having my sustagen again. But I've binged twice.
I'm maintaining at the moment. Just really struggling with everything at the moment. Too much is going on.
There does sound like an awful lot going on, but I am glad you are at least trying. The binging may be your bodys way of saying it needs more food - this can happen when we restrict our intake. I know the feeling after a binge is difficult, so try and go gentle on yourself right now.
I'm sorry to hear how much you're struggling, if you want to talk about all that is going on we are here for you xx
You must be pretty exhausted, hopefully you can catch up on a some rest as you settle in. I'm glad you're keeping up with the sustagen. Do you have a plan to help you monitor yourself now that you're home?
I'm home tonight too so if you need anything, pop a post on here or Serious, I won't be far :)
I am totally exhausted. I hope I can get some sleep as I settle in too.
I have absolutely no plan to monitor myself or much motivation to do so. I don't even have working scales to know whether I am losing or gaining.
I don't really know how I am going to cope with anything.
What sort of outside support did the hospital arrange for you?
It must be pretty overwhelming where you're at, being just out of hospital, but I do hope these feelings ease and you're able to look after yourself in the meantime. Coping can sometimes seem impossible but you've got this far and I am SO proud of you. You thought it was impossible before but you made it through, and that shows strength. Well done.
I'm seeing my psychiatrist twice a week for a little while. That's the support I have.
It is a bit overwhelming. But right now I'm just numb. Maybe it's very overwhelming and that's why I'm numb. I get moments of overwhelming emotion (from the "extreme" abuse) and then I go numb again.
I'm going to do a writing course by correspondence that I did a few years ago, if it still exists. That will be something good.
Hey Ash, I'm glad you're seeing the psychiatrist twice a week for a while, that sounds helpful. Do you think you'll be needing more support to help you ease into being back home?
I managed to scrape enough money together to pay the first instalment. The course is by correspondence (all done online) and they give you assignments to do at your own pace.
I accidentally completed assignment six first as the layout on the student page was odd. But I've nearly finished the first assignment which is about choosing a theme, genre, identifying main characters, obstacles/conflicts and resolutions mostly.
I've been writing a lot today.
I've had two of my sustagens and will have my third in a couple of hours. I'm really worried I'm gaining as I've been binging on loads of milo at night and I can't check my weight as I don't have any scales. So I'm freaking out a bit.
Wow, go Ash! That sounds great about the writing course. Do you find the writing helps you occupy yourself through the day? Does it keep you distracted? Sometimes homework (as much as it sucks!) keeps me distracted. And you've already done two assignments, bravo :)
I know it's tough when you can't check your weight; but please try and remember that the scales do not define who you are. If you've gained or if you haven't doesn't change the great person you are. I'm glad you've managed your sustagens, they'll help you be effective in writing!
Thank you for responding. I know things are really rough for you right now so I'm really grateful and touched by your response.
The course is really good and does keep me somewhat distracted during the day. I've almost completed three assignments. They just need going over a couple of times. I'm glad homework does that for you.
Thanks for saying that my weight doesn't define me as a person. I would really like to now how much I weigh. I'm seeing a GP I've seen once before to talk about my eating and to see if he can monitor things now that I am outside of hospital.
I'm having a bad day with eating, I've had one sustagen and a coffee plus some milo that I binged and purged on.
I'm having a bad day in general. Mum is being really intrusive, always asking me where I'm going and what I'm doing. She's home from work this week because she has gastro. I was looking forward to having time to myself this week. I feel sorry for her so it's hard to be annoyed at her.
Plus my hand has been hurt again and I'm still getting flashbacks at night.
Sorry to hear that you're having a difficult time. It sounds like seeing a GP is a great idea, were they helpful when you saw them before? It sounds like you're being extremely proactive in asking him if he can monitor you now that you're out of hospital, so I applaud your courage and strength in doing that. I hope he's able to help you. Will you let us know when you see him?
I'm sorry I didn't get to this yesterday, but sounds like it was a tough day. Is it possible that your Mum is just concerned? I know that doesn't help though because it can be tough when people are being intrusive. If it continues, perhaps you could speak to her about it? Maybe she needs some reassurance that you'll be okay, and able to reach out if you're not?
Does anything help with the flashbacks at night?
How has today been for you?
Thanks for the response, it means a lot. And for the applause :)
I saw the GP, i'd only met him once before but my mum likes him and he seems kind. He weighed me. I've gained a bit so I'm cutting down my sustagen. I told him i was living n sustagen, coke zero and coffee with the occasional binge purge on milo. He said sustagen was a pretty good dietary supplement but there might be some deficiencies.
He referred me to a dietician, well he gave me the letter, so I have to now build up the courage to ring her. He said my weight was low but not too low and that I could probably subsist on my current intake. Though he said 'god knows what is in coke zero'.
He said if the dietician and I can't come to an agreement and my weight drops he'll refer me to ED services.
Don't be sorry, you've got a crap load going on.
She is concerned I think, but it's mostly about control. She's just like that. She can be great and wonderful and supportive but there's always an element if control.
I've assured her I'll reach out if I need to, but it doesn't seem to make a difference.
When I get flashbacks at night I do a lot of grounding and self-soothing which eventually helps.
Today has been ok. I went to see Dr/T and that went ok. One of my alters came out who hasn't since he found out about the change that is happening. So he got some reassurance which is good. I got to see two friends from hospital today and gave them gifts. Apparently one of them thinks I'm the perfect guy and has a bit of a crush on me. So that part was good
Food wise I've had one sustagen, three coffees and a coke zero. I've been pretty flat today...
