The following content has been hidden - Reason : Maybe Triggering? I don't know if it is triggering.
Cutting, Burning, Hitting, Ripping off skin.
2. How do these behaviors help you survive?
They numb me, make me less numb, make me gain control, Help stop my mind when it's racing, helps control memories/flashbacks, concentrate, help me though bad depression waves and anxiety attacks.
3. How does this behavior give me a sense of control?
Help stop my mind when it's racing, concentrate, help me through bad depression waves and anxiety attacks, makes me be able to socialize.
4. How/Why does this behavior release endorphins (the happy factor) and make me feel better?
It doesn't always but it makes me less numb, or numbs me so I can socalize and concentrate and function.
5. How does this behavior give me revenge?
In two ways. I am punishing myself and I ampicking up where my abuser left off.
6. How does this behavior punish me?
It makes have to hide it and feel guilt and causes me pain (When I am going it for punishment)
7. When and why did you start this behavior?
When I was little. To help myself cope.
8. How/Why does this behavior bring me affection, care, or emotional closure? (How does it comfort you? if this applies)
Copy and paste this section, delete the lines that do not apply to you, leaving only the ones that do:
I want to show that I own my body
I want to express my rage at myself
I hate myself
I want to distract myself from other pain
I want to numb my feelings
I believe my body is a battleground
I want to cleanse myself
I want to somehow atone for my sins
I want to express my shame
I am trying to express my pain
I am taking over where my abuser left off
I am retaliating against myself for telling secrets
I am trying to bring my emotions under control
I am trying to prove that I am alive
I am trying to manage my flashbacks/memories
I am trying to release emotional tension
I need a release valve
I need to get into a "neutral zone"
I am trying to buy myself time by focusing attention on physical rather than emotional pain
Now, think about your reason(s) for harming, list 3-5 things you could do instead.
1. Ummm I guess talk to someone
2. Exercise
3.
Cry
Which of the following are true for you? (Again delete the ones that do not apply for you)
Self-harm doesn't hurt anyone but me and it really doesn't hurt me either
It's my body, I can do what I want with it
If I don't hurt myself this way, my pain will be worse
I need to be punished for what I did
It just shows how bad a person I am
It keeps people away
The scars are there for a reason, they remind me of my shame/need for punishment
(I may have filled this out before but am trying to stop myself from self harming tonight so trying everything possible!) 1. List the ways that you self-harm <no tip sharing, be generic>
- Cutting
2. How do these behaviors help you survive? - They replace the emotional pain with physical pain. If I need an operation, it gives me an escape from life for a temporary period.
3. How does this behavior give me a sense of control? - I don't think I particularly feel that it gives me a sense of control. In some ways it makes me feel the opposite. That I'm not in control. That I'm not able to manage my emotions in a way that I would like.
4. How/Why does this behavior release endorphins (the happy factor) and make me feel better? - I think it makes me feel better for a short period of time purely because I am focused on the injury and not the reality of life.
5. How does this behavior give me revenge?
- I feel like I am getting revenge on myself, rather than others. I don't self harm to hurt others.
6. How does this behavior punish me? - In many ways, and I believe I deserve this. It makes me feel sick which I have a major phobia of. I have a lot of scarring. I have nerve damage. Pain. All of which I deserve. However, the behaviour punishes me the most because I feel ashamed and anxious that the people I trust the most get frustrated and feel unable to talk to me for a time. This is very hard.
7. When and why did you start this behavior? - I started when I was 10 years old, in year 6 of primary school. It was accidental that I came across it. When I harmed myself, I realised it helped me to cope with my home life.
8. How/Why does this behavior bring me affection, care, or emotional closure? (How does it comfort you? if this applies) - Sometimes there is the comfort of others but more often than not there is little comfort because people are angry or frustrated. Comfort from A&E nurses I don't feel is comfort. Even though they are kind, it is not addressing any emotional needs as that is not their job.
Copy and paste this section, delete the lines that do not apply to you, leaving only the ones that do: (I will highlight the ones that apply)
I want to show that I own my body I want to express my rage at myself
I hate myself
I want to distract myself from other pain
I want to numb my feelings I have a message to give that I cant' say directly
I am asking for help
I want to be rescued I believe my body is a battleground
I want to cleanse myself
I want to somehow atone for my sins
I want to express my shame
I am trying to express my pain
I am taking over where my abuser left off I am retaliating against myself for telling secrets
I am doing what my abuser brainwashed me to do, if I told I am trying to bring my emotions under control
I am trying to prove that I am alive
I am trying to get "high" I am trying to manage my flashbacks/memories
I am trying to release emotional tension
I need a release valve
I need to get into a "neutral zone" I am trying to buy myself time by focusing attention on physical rather than emotional pain
Now, think about your reason(s) for harming, list 3-5 things you could do instead.
1. I could act opposite to my emotions which is a DBT skill. So rather than hurt myself to express my hatred, I could try and use self soothe.
2. To express my hatred against myself I could write. The piece of writing could also include all the other feelings such as shame. This may also help to distract me and bring my emotions under control.
3. I could ring for help. Even though I am scared of a particular person answering, I have to question whether it would make more sense for me to risk it being this person or risk losing my limb. It seems like it should be a simple decision but it really isn't.
Which of the following are true for you? (Again delete the ones that do not apply for you) (*Making them bold*)
Self-harm doesn't hurt anyone but me and it really doesn't hurt me either
It's my body, I can do what I want with it
It's no big deal and shouldn't upset anyone
If I don't hurt myself this way, my pain will be worse
No one knows about it anyways I need to be punished for what I did
It just shows how bad a person I am
It keeps people away
The scars are there for a reason, they remind me of my shame/need for punishment
1. List the ways that you self-harm <no tip sharing, be generic>
--burning, cutting, scratching, pinching and biting
2. How do these behaviors help you survive?
--they distract me from worse pain I feel
3. How does this behavior give me a sense of control?
--Shows me that other people aren't in control of what I feel.
4. How/Why does this behavior release endorphins (the happy factor) and make me feel better?
--Mostly just distracts me...
5. How does this behavior give me revenge?
--Gives me what I deserve
6. How does this behavior punish me?
--Same answer as 5
7. When and why did you start this behavior?
--When I was in like 7th grade and because my dad started hurting me more then he already did and I couldn't take it...
8. How/Why does this behavior bring me affection, care, or emotional closure? (How does it comfort you? if this applies)
--All of the answers above can answer this question....
Copy and paste this section, delete the lines that do not apply to you, leaving only the ones that do:
I want to express my rage at myself
I hate myself
I want to distract myself from other pain
I want to numb my feelings
I have a message to give that I cant' say directly
I am trying to express my pain
I am taking over where my abuser left off
I am doing what my abuser brainwashed me to do, if I told
I am trying to bring my emotions under control
I am trying to prove that I am alive
I am trying to manage my flashbacks/memories
I am trying to release emotional tension
I need a release valve
I am trying to buy myself time by focusing attention on physical rather than emotional pain
Now, think about your reason(s) for harming, list 3-5 things you could do instead.
1.Listen to music
2.Talk it out to my best friend (He's the only one that knows any of this)
3.Draw
Which of the following are true for you? (Again delete the ones that do not apply for you)
Self-harm hurt anyone but me and it really doesn't hurt me either
If I don't hurt myself this way, my pain will be worse
I need to be punished for what I did
It just shows how bad a person I am
It keeps people away
The scars are there for a reason, they remind me of my shame/need for punishment
FINALLY! I'm adding one more question to this list, what stage are you on in the 6 stages of recovery? (see hidden information for the stages and details of each)
I am definately stage one.
Last edited by xxLoveKaila : 27-05-2011 at 03:59 AM.
Reason: i accidentally did the wrong color for the first part
"I'm not a box, there are more then four sides to me."
--Kurt Hummel
1. List the ways that you self-harm <no tip sharing, be generic>
cutting, skin picking
2. How do these behaviors help you survive?
by getting rid of my emotional pain
3. How does this behavior give me a sense of control?
read above
4. How/Why does this behavior release endorphins (the happy factor) and make me feel better?
i've no idea
5. How does this behavior give me revenge?
huh? revenge?
6. How does this behavior punish me?
its not a punishment i like it
7. When and why did you start this behavior?
6th grade and i was depressed
8. How/Why does this behavior bring me affection, care, or emotional closure? (How does it comfort you? if this applies)
it makes my emotional pain stop
Copy and paste this section, delete the lines that do not apply to you, leaving only the ones that do:
I want to show that I own my body
I hate myself
I want to distract myself from other pain
I want to numb my feelings
I am asking for help
I am trying to express my pain
I am trying to bring my emotions under control
I am trying to release emotional tension
I am trying to buy myself time by focusing attention on physical rather than emotional pain
Now, think about your reason(s) for harming, list 3-5 things you could do instead.
1.dance
2.piano
3.sing
Which of the following are true for you? (Again delete the ones that do not apply for you)
It's my body, I can do what I want with it
If I don't hurt myself this way, my pain will be worse
FINALLY! I'm adding one more question to this list, what stage are you on in the 6 stages of recovery? (see hidden information for the stages and details of each
#3 preparation: i guess i need to focus on the positive things about myself
1. List the ways that you self-harm <no tip sharing, be generic>
Cutting
2. How do these behaviors help you survive?
Stops emotional pain
Punishes me
3. How does this behavior give me a sense of control?
I control what happens to me
4. How/Why does this behavior release endorphins (the happy factor) and make me feel better?
Idk
5. How does this behavior give me revenge?
Revenge against myself when I do something wrong
6. How does this behavior punish me?
It makes me be in pain
7. When and why did you start this behavior?*
Freshmen year (over 2 years ago) when I couldn't handle things*
8. How/Why does this behavior bring me affection, care, or emotional closure? (How does it comfort you? if this applies)
I don't have to feel bad emotions just physical pain
Copy and paste this section, delete the lines that do not apply to you, leaving only the ones that do:
I want to express my rage at myself
I hate myself
I want to distract myself from other pain
I have a message to give that I cant' say directly
I want to somehow atone for my sins
I want to express my shame
I am trying to express my pain
I am trying to bring my emotions under control
I am trying to manage my flashbacks/memories
I am trying to release emotional tension
I am trying to buy myself time by focusing attention on physical rather than emotional pain
Now, think about your reason(s) for harming, list 3-5 things you could do instead.
1. Swim*
2. Play polo
3. Call someone
Which of the following are true for you? (Again delete the ones that do not apply for you)
Self-harm doesn't hurt anyone but me and it really doesn't hurt me either
If I don't hurt myself this way, my pain will be worse
No one knows about it anyways
I need to be punished for what I did
It just shows how bad a person I am
The scars are there for a reason, they remind me of my shame/need for punishment
FINALLY! I'm adding one more question to this list, what stage are you on in the 6 stages of recovery? (see hidden information for the stages and details of each)
probably between stage 2 and 3
1. List the ways that you self-harm <no tip sharing, be generic>
cutting, scratching, hitting self, overdosing, burning, fasting, spraining
2. How do these behaviors help you survive?
it distracts from the anxiety and the frustration I feel. When things get so overwhelming and I feel like I can't breathe or live... I'm completely trapped in my body... it allows me to "escape from my skin" I guess.
3. How does this behavior give me a sense of control?
I can control what I do to my body and how severe. I can make my bad feelings disappear for a while.
4. How/Why does this behavior release endorphins (the happy factor) and make me feel better?
The pain makes me feel better. I no longer feel completely overwhelmed by one feeling.
5. How does this behavior give me revenge?
When I do something wrong I can take it out on myself... like when I cheated on my boyfriend.
6. How does this behavior punish me?
Leaves marks for me to remember how stupid and selfish I was. Now I have to conceal my body even more and whenever I see those marks I remember what a bad person I am.
7. When and why did you start this behavior?
I saw somebody else doing it. I was going through a really difficult time (bullied, dad was an alcoholic, mom was negligent, hormones, self hate) and I thought that if it helped them than it could help me too. I was 13.
8. How/Why does this behavior bring me affection, care, or emotional closure? (How does it comfort you? if this applies)
It shows someone that I'm hurting, so they become concerned.
Copy and paste this section, delete the lines that do not apply to you, leaving only the ones that do:
I want to express my rage at myself
I hate myself
I want to distract myself from other pain
I want to numb my feelings
I have a message to give that I cant' say directly
I am asking for help
I want to be rescued
I believe my body is a battleground
I want to express my shame
I am trying to express my pain
I am trying to bring my emotions under control
I am trying to get "high"
I am trying to manage my flashbacks/memories
I am trying to release emotional tension
I need a release valve
I need to get into a "neutral zone"
I am trying to buy myself time by focusing attention on physical rather than emotional pain
Now, think about your reason(s) for harming, list 3-5 things you could do instead.
1. Go outside
2. Talk to someone
3. Do a word search
Which of the following are true for you? (Again delete the ones that do not apply for you)
It's my body, I can do what I want with it
If I don't hurt myself this way, my pain will be worse
I need to be punished for what I did
It just shows how bad a person I am
It keeps people away
The scars are there for a reason, they remind me of my shame/need for punishment
FINALLY! I'm adding one more question to this list, what stage are you on in the 6 stages of recovery? (see hidden information for the stages and details of each)
between one and two
Cutting, bitting, burning, scratching, starving myself, over drinking
2. How do these behaviors help you survive?
Make me feel like I am sufficiently punishing myself, make the inner pain less
3. How does this behavior give me a sense of control?
Control over what happens to me in my life, control in a weird way because i can see damage and control it
4. How/Why does this behavior release endorphins (the happy factor) and make me feel better?
Makes me feel like I am punishing myself for the things i hold myself accountable for, so its a relief in that sense.
5. How does this behavior give me revenge?
I guess in a weird way makes me feel like when people are mad at me I am giving them what they want. Sort of a "You did this to me, now look whats happening"
6. How does this behavior punish me?
Makes me feel pain for the things I have done wrong/take the blame for
7. When and why did you start this behavior?
When I was 13 because of problems with parents and friends. I disliked myself and thought I was unattractive and worthless. I had heard of people doing it before and wanted to see if it would work because I was desperate for relief.
8. How/Why does this behavior bring me affection, care, or emotional closure? (How does it comfort you? if this applies)
It comforts me to see that I am being punished for what I feel guilty for and then no longer have to feel as guilty for it.
Copy and paste this section, delete the lines that do not apply to you, leaving only the ones that do:
I want to show that I own my body
I want to express my rage at myself
I hate myself
I want to distract myself from other pain
I want to numb my feelings
I have a message to give that I cant' say directly
I want to be rescued
I want to cleanse myself
I want to somehow atone for my sins
I want to express my shame
I am trying to express my pain
I am taking over where my abuser left off
I am retaliating against myself for telling secrets
I am doing what my abuser brainwashed me to do, if I told
I am trying to bring my emotions under control
I am trying to manage my flashbacks/memories
I am trying to release emotional tension
I need a release valve
I need to get into a "neutral zone"
Now, think about your reason(s) for harming, list 3-5 things you could do instead.
1. Scream
2. Write down my emotions
3. Go for a long, hard run till my muscles hurt
Which of the following are true for you? (Again delete the ones that do not apply for you)
Self-harm doesn't hurt anyone but me and it really doesn't hurt me either
It's my body, I can do what I want with it
It's no big deal and shouldn't upset anyone
If I don't hurt myself this way, my pain will be worse
I need to be punished for what I did
It just shows how bad a person I am
The scars are there for a reason, they remind me of my shame/need for punishment
What stage are you on in the 6 stages of recovery?
1. List the ways that you self-harm
Cutting, burning, biting skin, wound interferance (not letting them heal basically), ODing, alcohol abuse, and ED behaviours
2. How do these behaviors help you survive?
I gues they help me survive as the act as a distraction... they don't help me live though, just to survive, to exist from one day to the next. Mainly it is a distraction, but sometimes it can be a way of not putting my "stuff" onto others, I just take it out on myself instead, so that I don't hurt or upset other people... and there is sometimes a degree of punishment in there too... and sometimes I just feel so dirty and contaminated that it seems the only way to become "clean"... It all seems to depend on the situration
3. How does this behavior give me a sense of control?
Because it's something that I do, something I do despite what others say or tell me... in everything else exist to please others, to do as I am told, but in this I can feel free to do as I wish
4. How/Why does this behavior release endorphins (the happy factor) and make me feel better?
I'm not sure that it does... from a biological perpsective it will do, but I don't do it for that an after this many years I've probably built-up a tollerrance anyway
5. How does this behavior give me revenge?
Hmm.... for a while I wondered if I did it for revenge on the abusers, but now I don't think that that is the case.
6. How does this behavior punish me?
I am bad = I get hurt
7. When and why did you start this behavior?
A long long time ago... I first did it while my parents were having an argument, I think I felt that I caused it so if I was quiet and never spoke about anything "bad" then they would not argue so I started to harm whenever I felt bad (not helped by my step-dads attitude of emotions being weak I guess)
8. How/Why does this behavior bring me affection, care, or emotional closure? (How does it comfort you? if this applies)
Not sure if it applies... I guess sometimes when I do take care of the sounds it's sort of a self-comfort type thing
Copy and paste this section, delete the lines that do not apply to you, leaving only the ones that do:
I want to show that I own my body
I want to express my rage at myself
I hate myself
I want to distract myself from other pain
I want to numb my feelings
I want to cleanse myself
I want to somehow atone for my sins
I want to express my shame
I am taking over where my abuser left off
I am retaliating against myself for telling secrets
I am trying to bring my emotions under control
I am trying to manage my flashbacks/memories
I am trying to buy myself time by focusing attention on physical rather than emotional pain
Now, think about your reason(s) for harming, list 3-5 things you could do instead.
1. Go for a walk
2. Go to the gym
3. Read a book
Which of the following are true for you? (Again delete the ones that do not apply for you)
I need to be punished for what I did
It just shows how bad a person I am
It keeps people away
The scars are there for a reason, they remind me of my shame/need for punishment
FINALLY! I'm adding one more question to this list, what stage are you on in the 6 stages of recovery?
About 3 I think... not really sure seems to vary each day lol
1. List the ways that you self-harm <no tip sharing, be generic>
-Cutting my arm
2. How do these behaviors help you survive?
-It's my only stress reliever
3. How does this behavior give me a sense of control?
-It relieves my numb feeling
4. How/Why does this behavior release endorphins (the happy factor) and make me feel better?
-Not 100% but it works for me
5. How does this behavior give me revenge?
-I'll never fully forgive myself, even if no one thinks it was my fault. I shouldn't have let it get that far
6. How does this behavior punish me?
-It gives my body a mark, a reminder, of the bad feelings I had
7. When and why did you start this behavior?
-When I was 12, after my problems stopped, reality hit me in the face.
8. How/Why does this behavior bring me affection, care, or emotional closure? (How does it comfort you? if this applies)
-It brings me back to reality
Copy and paste this section, delete the lines that do not apply to you, leaving only the ones that do:
I want to show that I own my body
I want to express my rage at myself
I hate myself
I want to distract myself from other pain
I want to numb my feelings
I have a message to give that I cant' say directly
I want to be rescued
I want to cleanse myself
I want to somehow atone for my sins
I want to express my shame
I am trying to express my pain
I am taking over where my abuser left off
I am retaliating against myself for telling secrets
I am trying to bring my emotions under control
I am trying to prove that I am alive
I am trying to manage my flashbacks/memories
I am trying to release emotional tension
I need a release valve
I need to get into a "neutral zone"
I am trying to buy myself time by focusing attention on physical rather than emotional pain
Now, think about your reason(s) for harming, list 3-5 things you could do instead.
1. Play video games
2. Talk my feelings over with my husband
3. Cook :)
Which of the following are true for you? (Again delete the ones that do not apply for you)
If I don't hurt myself this way, my pain will be worse
I need to be punished for what I did
It just shows how bad a person I am
It keeps people away
The scars are there for a reason, they remind me of my shame/need for punishment
FINALLY! I'm adding one more question to this list, what stage are you on in the 6 stages of recovery? (see hidden information for the stages and details of each)
I'm on stage 6, and hopefully, will never go backwards.
1. List the ways that you self-harm <no tip sharing, be generic>
Cutting, scratching, being clumsy and running into things, fasting, throwing up ect.
2. How do these behaviours help you survive?
If I didn’t do these my stress would over take me and I couldn’t/wouldn’t be in control
3. How does this behavior give me a sense of control?
Yes all the time, a sense of control over myself
4. How/Why does this behavior release endorphins (the happy factor) and make me feel better? I don’t know why I am happier after
5. How does this behavior give me revenge?
It doesnt
6. How does this behavior punish me?
It doesn’t punish me it saves me
7. When and why did you start this behavior?
September because it helped with stress levels and made me feel in control of my life
8. How/Why does this behavior bring me affection, care, or emotional closure? (How does it comfort you? if this applies) it comforts me because I know as long as im hurting myself no one else can
Copy and paste this section, delete the lines that do not apply to you, leaving only the ones that do:
I want to show that I own my body
I want to distract myself from other pain
I want to numb my feelings
I have a message to give that I cant' say directly
I am trying to express my pain
I am retaliating against myself for telling secrets
I am trying to bring my emotions under control
I am trying to prove that I am alive
I am trying to release emotional tension
I need to get into a "neutral zone"
Now, think about your reason(s) for harming, list 3-5 things you could do instead.
1. Draw/ read
2.paint my nails
3. Txt my friends for help
Which of the following are true for you? (Again delete the ones that do not apply for you)
Self-harm doesn't hurt anyone but me and it really doesn't hurt me either
It's my body, I can do what I want with it
It's no big deal and shouldn't upset anyone
If I don't hurt myself this way, my pain will be worse
1. List the ways that you self-harm: cutting, skin picking, burning
2. How do these behaviors help you survive? SI helps keep me from thinking about suicide. It is my safety mechanism.
3. How does this behavior give me a sense of control? I control when I hurt and how much I hurt.
4. How/Why does this behavior release endorphins (the happy factor) and make me feel better? SI makes me feel in control and the pain distracts me from whatever emotional turbulence I’m going through.
6. How does this behavior punish me? This behavior punishes me since I hurt myself after I do things something bad or am bad.
7. When and why did you start this behavior? I don’t remember. I think I may have started in 6th grade, but like I said, I can’t remember. I believe that I started hurting myself because I was sad/depressed and had been for a while. I didn't know what else to do, and it sounded like a pretty good idea. Plus, I was hoping that it would help.
Copy and paste this section, delete the lines that do not apply to you, leaving only the ones that do:
I want to express my rage at myself
I hate myself
I want to distract myself from other pain
I want to numb my feelings
I have a message to give that I cant' say directly
I am asking for help
I want to be rescued
I want to somehow atone for my sins
I am trying to express my pain
I am trying to bring my emotions under control
I am trying to prove that I am alive
I am trying to release emotional tension
I need a release valve
I need to get into a "neutral zone"
I am trying to buy myself time by focusing attention on physical rather than emotional pain
Now, think about your reason(s) for harming, list 3-5 things you could do instead.
1. I could go for a run
2.I could listen to music and draw
3. I could play some games
Which of the following are true for you? (Again delete the ones that do not apply for you)
Self-harm doesn't hurt anyone but me and it really doesn't hurt me either
It's no big deal and shouldn't upset anyone
I need to be punished for what I did
It just shows how bad a person I am
The scars are there for a reason, they remind me of my shame/need for punishment
FINALLY! I'm adding one more question to this list, what stage are you on in the 6 stages of recovery
I am on the fourth stage of recovery.
If you think the scars on the outside are bad you don't want to see the ones on the inside.
Self-injury is a sign of distress not madness. We should be congratulated on having found a way of surviving.- Cory Anderson
1. List the ways that you self-harm <no tip sharing, be generic> Burning. Cutting. Pulling my hair out. Biting myself. Punching things/myself. ODing. One reason is to harm myself with purging/starving/abusing laxatives/diuretics/diet pills etc.
2. How do these behaviors help you survive? They help me cope therefore it makes it easier to just live and breathe.
3. How does this behavior give me a sense of control? I've no idea tbh. I usually feel out of control with my SH. I don't really do it for control as such...
4. How/Why does this behavior release endorphins (the happy factor) and make me feel better?
Sometimes I do feel a huge sense of relief after the behavior, either for just doing it in itself, or because I've missed it, etc, other times I feel numb, other times I feel "alive", if I feel like it's "enough" even for a split second, I feel somewhat happy I guess.
5. How does this behavior give me revenge? It doesn't.
6. How does this behavior punish me? Because it is harming me... therefore it is punishing me.
7. When and why did you start this behavior?
I was about 7 when I started, I don't remember the specific reason why I started, mixture of things were going on in my life at that time. Things just got worse.
8. How/Why does this behavior bring me affection, care, or emotional closure? (How does it comfort you? if this applies) It kinda does comfort me, because I have to take care of it afterwards.
Copy and paste this section, delete the lines that do not apply to you, leaving only the ones that do: I want to express my rage at myself
I hate myself
I want to distract myself from other pain
I want to numb my feelings
I have a message to give that I cant' say directly
I am asking for help
I want to be rescued
I believe my body is a battleground
I want to cleanse myself
I want to somehow atone for my sins
I want to express my shame
I am trying to express my pain
I am taking over where my abuser left off
I am retaliating against myself for telling secrets
I am trying to bring my emotions under control
I am trying to prove that I am alive
I am trying to get "high"
I am trying to manage my flashbacks/memories
I am trying to release emotional tension
I need a release valve
I need to get into a "neutral zone"
I am trying to buy myself time by focusing attention on physical rather than emotional pain
Now, think about your reason(s) for harming, list 3-5 things you could do instead. 1. Talk.
2. Have someone hold me.
3. Play something releasing.
Which of the following are true for you? (Again delete the ones that do not apply for you) Self-harm doesn't hurt anyone but me and it really doesn't hurt me either
It's my body, I can do what I want with it
It's no big deal and shouldn't upset anyone
If I don't hurt myself this way, my pain will be worse
No one knows about it anyways
I need to be punished for what I did
It just shows how bad a person I am
It keeps people away(I wish it didn't though...)
The scars are there for a reason, they remind me of my shame/need for punishment (but they are also there for other reasons, shame/punishment isn't the top reasons.)
FINALLY! I'm adding one more question to this list, what stage are you on in the 6 stages of recovery? (see hidden information for the stages and details of each)
I switch pretty rapidly from a few, but right now I'd say I'm at 1.
1. List the ways that you self-harm<no tip sharing, be generic>
cutting,pills
2. How do these behaviors help you survive?
it helps me from not going crazy
3. How does this behavior give me a sense of control?
i have control if i do it or not no one else has that control over me
4. How/Why does this behavior release endorphins (the happy factor) and make me feel better?
it doesnt
5. How does this behavior give me revenge?
it doesnt
6. How does this behavior punish me?
i do it to punish myself
7. When and why did you start this behavior?
when i was 8 or 9
8. How/Why does this behavior bring me affection, care, or emotional closure? (How does it comfort you? if this applies)
it doesnt
Copy and paste this section, delete the lines that do not apply to you, leaving only the ones that do:
I hate myself
I want to distract myself from other pain
I want to numb my feelings
I am taking over where my abuser left off
I am doing what my abuser brainwashed me to do, if I told
I am trying to bring my emotions under control
I am trying to prove that I am alive
I am trying to manage my flashbacks/memories
I am trying to release emotional tension
I am trying to buy myself time by focusing attention on physical rather than emotional pain
Now, think about your reason(s) for harming, list 3-5 things you could do instead.
1.write poetry
2.play games on facebook
3.talk to shay and family
Which of the following are true for you? (Again delete the ones that do not apply for you)
It's my body, I can do what I want with it
If I don't hurt myself this way, my pain will be worse
I need to be punished for what I did
It just shows how bad a person I am
It keeps people away
The scars are there for a reason, they remind me of my shame/need for punishment
So my therapist gave me this worksheet to fill out at home and I thought maybe someone else would benefit from completing this as well...maybe a mod could make this thread sticky or something...
If you'd like to post your answers as a reply copy and paste these questions:
1. List the ways that you self-harm <no tip sharing, be generic>
Fainting (yeah it's a new one)
2. How do these behaviors help you survive?
control, hallucinations, risky
3. How does this behavior give me a sense of control?
i can manipulate my body and make it do something unnatural
4. How/Why does this behavior release endorphins (the happy factor) and make me feel better?
hallucinations, passing out seems to take the pain away with it, endorphins
5. How does this behavior give me revenge?
i can take away the pain that others put upon me
6. How does this behavior punish me? makes me forget for a few seconds, can be painful
7. When and why did you start this behavior?
heard about it, tried it, realized that I felt a lot better afterward, and continued.
8. How/Why does this behavior bring me affection, care, or emotional closure? (How does it comfort you? if this applies)
Endorphins, letting my body calm down from the shock of passing out soothes me.
I want to show that I own my body
I want to express my rage at myself
I want to distract myself from other pain
I want to numb my feelings
I want to be rescued
I want to cleanse myself
I want to somehow atone for my sins
I am trying to express my pain
I am trying to bring my emotions under control
I am trying to get "high"
I am trying to release emotional tension
I need a release valve
I need to get into a "neutral zone"
Now, think about your reason(s) for harming, list 3-5 things you could do instead.
1. write a story
2. play with my dog
3. take a walk
It's my body, I can do what I want with it
It's no big deal and shouldn't upset anyone
No one knows about it anyways
1. List the ways that you self-harm <no tip sharing, be generic>
cutting or burning
2. How do these behaviors help you survive?
it just makes me more in control and makes things seem ok for a bit
3. How does this behavior give me a sense of control?
because i control it, not anyone else i guess
4. How/Why does this behavior release endorphins (the happy factor) and make me feel better?
no idea it doesnt really make me feel much better, just more in control of myself
5. How does this behavior give me revenge?
i suppose it punishes myself when i hate myself
6. How does this behavior punish me?
because it only hurts me
7. When and why did you start this behavior?
about two years ago, dont want to go into why at the moment
8. How/Why does this behavior bring me affection, care, or emotional closure? (How does it comfort you? if this applies)
it doesnt really comfort me, i just feel more in control, i still feel rubbish and whatever feelings i had before, if just stops me taking it out on someone else who doesnt deserve it
Copy and paste this section, delete the lines that do not apply to you, leaving only the ones that do: it depends what situation etc as to what ones apply
I want to show that I own my body
I want to express my rage at myself
I hate myself
I want to distract myself from other pain
I want to numb my feelings
I am trying to express my pain
I am trying to bring my emotions under control
I am trying to manage my flashbacks/memories
I am trying to buy myself time by focusing attention on physical rather than emotional pain
Now, think about your reason(s) for harming, list 3-5 things you could do instead.
1. watch tv
2.talk to my best friend
3.dont know
Which of the following are true for you? (Again delete the ones that do not apply for you)
Self-harm doesn't hurt anyone but me
It's my body, I can do what I want with it
It's no big deal and shouldn't upset anyone
If I don't hurt myself this way, my pain will be worse
No one knows about it anyways
It just shows how bad a person I am
FINALLY! I'm adding one more question to this list, what stage are you on in the 6 stages of recovery? (see hidden information for the stages and details of each)
i dont know what the stages are, but i was harming for nearly two years, then managed to stop a couple of months ago, but am now harming again which is why i'm on here
'Im finding me out, im having my doubts, im losing the best of me
dressed up as myself, to live in the shadow, of who im supposed to be'
'I know how i feel, But im afraid to show it
Inside its so real, But no one else would know it'
If you'd like to post your answers as a reply copy and paste these questions:
1. List the ways that you self-harm <no tip sharing, be generic> Cutting. Mainly, and burning.
2. How do these behaviors help you survive? Comfort me, control, distraction, bring me back to reality, release my emotions and purify the negative things inside me. Seeing the blood.
3. How does this behavior give me a sense of control? It just does.
4. How/Why does this behavior release endorphins (the happy factor) and make me feel better? It just does.
5. How does this behavior give me revenge? Because I deserve it.
6. How does this behavior punish me? Easily, I deserve the pain.
7. When and why did you start this behaviour? Started when I was 15 or so, because the guy I loved did not love me and I needed a distraction from the pain. The pain of not being good enough. I just thought I'd try it once, but it wasn't once. It becomes an addiction.
8. How/Why does this behavior bring me affection, care, or emotional closure? (How does it comfort you? if this applies) The pain is comforting, and a reminder that I am alive.
The lines that apply to me.
I want to show that I own my body
I want to express my rage at myself
I hate myself
I want to distract myself from other pain
I want to numb my feelings
I want to be rescued
I believe my body is a battleground
I want to cleanse myself
I want to somehow atone for my sins
I am trying to prove that I am alive
I am trying to get "high"
I am trying to manage my flashbacks/memories
I am trying to release emotional tension
I need a release valve
I need to get into a "neutral zone"
I am trying to buy myself time by focusing attention on physical rather than emotional pain
Now, think about your reason(s) for harming, list 3-5 things you could do instead.
1.Go running
2.Write or play music
3.Draw
4.See friends
Which of the following are true for you? (Again delete the ones that do not apply for you)
It's my body, I can do what I want with it
It's no big deal and shouldn't upset anyone
If I don't hurt myself this way, my pain will be worse
I need to be punished for what I did
It just shows how bad a person I am
The scars are there for a reason, they remind me of my shame/need for punishment
1. List the ways that you self-harm <no tip sharing, be generic>
cutting, banging my head and hands, interfering with would healing.
2. How do these behaviors help you survive?
when life was really bad, it stopped me from doing something much worse to myself.
3. How does this behavior give me a sense of control?
I controlled how much I would hurt. How much damage I would do.
4. How/Why does this behavior release endorphins (the happy factor) and make me feel better?
I would go from feeling like I couldnt stop crying to not feeling anything, even a sense of accomplishment.
5. How does this behavior give me revenge?
It doesn't
6. How does this behavior punish me?
It doesn't. feels more like a reward.
7. When and why did you start this behavior?
In ninth grade when I was beginning to get the gist of my parents divorce.
8. How/Why does this behavior bring me affection, care, or emotional closure? (How does it comfort you? if this applies)
It somehow makes me feel like i did something right. weird I know.
Copy and paste this section, delete the lines that do not apply to you, leaving only the ones that do:
I want to show that I own my body
I want to express my rage at myself
I hate myself
I want to distract myself from other pain
I want to numb my feeling
I am trying to bring my emotions under control
Copy and paste this section, delete the lines that do not apply to you, leaving only the ones that do:
I want to show that I own my body
I want to express my rage at myself
I hate myself
I want to distract myself from other pain
I want to numb my feelings
I am trying to bring my emotions under control
Now, think about your reason(s) for harming, list 3-5 things you could do instead.
1.Mindfulness
2. paly the piano/ listen to music
3.write out how I feel.
Which of the following are true for you? (Again delete the ones that do not apply for you)
The scars are there for a reason, they remind me of my shame/need for punishment
I love you Kirby. You're the best dog I'll ever have.
1. List the ways that you self-harm <no tip sharing, be generic>
cutting, banging my head and hands, interfering with would healing.
2. How do these behaviors help you survive?
when life was really bad, it stopped me from doing something much worse to myself.
3. How does this behavior give me a sense of control?
I controlled how much I would hurt. How much damage I would do.
4. How/Why does this behavior release endorphins (the happy factor) and make me feel better?
I would go from feeling like I couldnt stop crying to not feeling anything, even a sense of accomplishment.
5. How does this behavior give me revenge?
It doesn't
6. How does this behavior punish me?
It doesn't. feels more like a reward.
7. When and why did you start this behavior?
In ninth grade when I was beginning to get the gist of my parents divorce.
8. How/Why does this behavior bring me affection, care, or emotional closure? (How does it comfort you? if this applies)
It somehow makes me feel like i did something right. weird I know.
Copy and paste this section, delete the lines that do not apply to you, leaving only the ones that do:
I want to show that I own my body
I want to express my rage at myself
I hate myself
I want to distract myself from other pain
I want to numb my feeling
I am trying to bring my emotions under control
Copy and paste this section, delete the lines that do not apply to you, leaving only the ones that do:
I want to show that I own my body
I want to express my rage at myself
I hate myself
I want to distract myself from other pain
I want to numb my feelings
I am trying to bring my emotions under control
Now, think about your reason(s) for harming, list 3-5 things you could do instead.
1.Mindfulness
2. paly the piano/ listen to music
3.write out how I feel.
Which of the following are true for you? (Again delete the ones that do not apply for you)
The scars are there for a reason, they remind me of my shame/need for punishment
I love you Kirby. You're the best dog I'll ever have.
Emma
