Ok, I've never told anyone this before, but since I was about 12,, I've obsessively picked at my skin & hair, down there. I've got scars because of digging holes into my skin with my fingernails. I tried shaving, etc, but I end up just picking at my skin until its all bleeding & horrible... I was SAed from 11-14 by a girl, & then by many males from then onwards. I don't know why I do it, I just have to... & now I still can't stop, last night I spent hours & hours just picking at my skin & I'm covered in scars & its disgusting...
Last edited by EyelinerAndCigarettes : 04-06-2010 at 05:00 PM.
Sounds as if you're feeling very ashamed and exposed in posting this. Please don't be. Perhaps you feel sabotaged down there from all the past abuse and, since it isn't happening as much anymore you feel you have to hurt yourself instead. Renacting it in a way. I might be making no sense whatsoever and you can tell me to shut up if I am, but that was my take on it.
I take it that you want to stop but don't know how. What things do you think might help distract you?
As Shine. said, it's nothing to be ashamed about, and it's good that you decided to finally share it.
Have you ever talked about what happened? It's the standard reply, in a way, but professional help might be a good option to seek out. If nothing else, a trained therapist can help you figure out why you do what you do, why you feel the way you do.
I hope you can make peace with yourself at some point. You're not at fault, and while I understand feeling ashamed, there really is no need to be.
Face your life
Its pain, its pleasure
Leave no path untaken
Just wanted to say well done for posting this. I agree with the above maybe have someone to talk stuff out with, because then you may not feel the need to cope with it in this way.
This might sound really silly, but if you felt triggered could you wear gloves? because at least then the skin picking might not be so bad. I dunno if this is a silly idea though.
Hope you're ok hun x
"If only everyone could know and live with their inner craziness…people would be fairer and happier." Paulo Coelho
I can understand to a degree... I used to cut in that area due to SA stuff making my mind sort of decide that area was "bad" and had betrayed me - in some complex way that no matter how many times I explain noone ever seems to understand.
This may be miles off, but as your acts are to do with removing hair do you think it could be some form of attempt to prevent adulthood? Sort of to stay childlike? Wanting to stay a child as a expression of craving security and being cared for is a common thing among SA survivors.
I'm not sure what to suget to be honest othe than what has already been said (i.e. talking to someone about what happened or trying wearing gloves)
This may be miles off, but as your acts are to do with removing hair do you think it could be some form of attempt to prevent adulthood? Sort of to stay childlike? Wanting to stay a child as a expression of craving security and being cared for is a common thing among SA survivors.
It could be,, I mean,, I was neglected a lot as a child, & still are & I do long to be cared for...
If you use your nails to remove your hair and pick at your skin, maybe you could cut them? The gloves idea is good, too.
I sometimes do the same thing...for me it's to do with wanting to be "clean" down there, as if the hair makes it some sort of monster.
Sometimes people who have suffered sexual abuse injure those areas to appear less appealing, if that makes sense. Or to punish a part of themselves that received the abuse. Not saying that's why you're doing it, though. Also, like Hazel said, it can be a way to feel like you are resisting adulthood. Or it could be that you are the one causing pain down there as opposed to someone else - so it's in your control. It makes sense that pain from SA can equate to self-inflicted pain in those areas.
Wow, that sounded like a huge ramble, but hopefully it made sense.
I'm sorry you feel like this, hun. *hugs*
I can understand that you feel ashamed and everything.
Cutting your nails really short is a good idea, give it a go.
Hope you're alright, m'dear. x
Could you try doing something else with your hands instead? Pick threads out of an old piece of cloth, squish blue tac, maybe just gentally ,massarging the area, wear mittons, i bourght some play doe to fiddle with :)
xx
Baby girl, it's nothing to be ashamed of, many people do this too, & I can relate, it's okay angel, & I'll take care of you, we'll take care of each other & it'll be okay & you'll make it through this.
As others have said, good job on posting this. That's a huge step. I do this, too, so I can understand how shameful it is. Like others have said, finding something to do with your hands is what I've found helpful. Also, I used to put tape or band-aids over my fingertips so that I wouldn't be able to grip or dig my nails.
Good luck!
One thing is sure-
we have to do something.
We have to do the best
we know at the moment.
If it doesn't turn out right,
we can modify it as we go along.
-FDR
DONT HAVE many words at the momment but hugs
stay strong i can understand totally hun
i wish 1 day u will break free from all this and ur problems u dont deserve to feel this pain nor does any1 eles hugs
young girl its alright your tears will soon dry your soon be free to fly
she's falling from grace , she's all over the place..............
