My girlfriend watched it all and when she tried to help they clawed their way up her arm. Now I'm just really embarrassed and ashamed. I hate being like this.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
sounds similar to what i suffer from, psycs refuse to make an official diagnosis but have said that im basically suffering from disasociation. by this I think they mean depersonalization and derealization.
As suggested, have a read up on them and see if it helps you understand.
Its not fun, in fact its a living nightmare, ive been in this state of mind for as long as I remember, hate it.
Hope you can find some peace.
hush little baby, don't say a word, and never mind that noise you heard
it's just the beast under your bed, in your closet, in your head
been worrying a lot lately about diagnoses. I was diagnosed with depression years ago, but never rediagnosed and I was very different back then. my GP doesnt take me at all seriously and has even told me 'I'm not depressed, but events have depressed me and I'm displaying all the signs of depression so here's some depression counselling and some antidepressants'
So you can imagine how difficult I'm finding it to get any help for dissociation, let alone the alters. But I know they're there. So if I've invented it, but I believe it, do I still deserve help? Eugh I'm so confused :(
bobbiwib, we don't believe you invented this for a moment - but even if someone did, they'd still deserve help for it. We can empathise with how difficult it is to work with current problems when your diagnoses are 'out of date' so to speak.
Eep. Got someone from the Early Intervention Team in Psychosis coming round tomorrow to do an assessment. Not really wanting this to happen at all. Are we really psychotic?
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
Bobbi: surely if an illness is caused by environment and events and not chemical imblances it's still an illness... maybe your GP is just expressing theirselves really badly and never meant to belittle your troubles?
Scath: I was screened for psychosis too a while back... they thought that the "loosing time" and stuff was just an excuse for odd behaviour and that the "internl chatter" was a symptom pf psychosis... they ended up deciding that that theories was wrong though
Thanks Hazel, that's made me feel a little calmer about this meeting. I'm hoping that this assessment is just going to be a formality of some sort... since my counsellor has already met Xander, Rebe and Alejandra and sent the NHS people a letter saying I have multiple personalities. They can't still think I'm psychotic after that? Right?
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
We're having a lot of trouble sleeping, its really affecting our ability to function without constant switching.
We have an info/enrollment night in 2 weeks for finishing year 12/high school. So we've been organizing our room and new desk (:D) for studying. We've also been looking at UNI courses, which is exciting, a bit nerve racking, but exciting.
Labyrinth,
What do you mean "psychosis covers DID"?.... Psychosis and DID are drastically different.
BB, the high school and uni stuff sounds positive, we hope you have fun picking out courses you may like to do (dunno how you feel about uni, but we love it).
Well the appointment's over and done with now. I didn't speak much, didn't tell her enough, and I'm worried that she was just being nice while here and that she'll tell everyone that we're making this up. So so nervous about what's gonna happen next. She did say that she doesn't think I'm psychotic though.
Plus there's a gap that Xander's not talking about so I'm a little worried about what he said =/ Bleurgh
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
How do you feel the appointment went. You sound a bit dissapointed about not having told her as much as you'd have liked- do you get to speak to her again?
Labyrinth, I missed your post, I'm sorry. I hope things aren't too bad for you?
BB, I think I could have done more to tell her about everything that's happened. The questions were very family-dynamics orientated (not that I said much about them but still). I mentioned one person who hurt me and said that my ex had raped me - nothing about the other people and the random assaults. I said I'd not hurt myself in about 6 weeks, which is true, but I said nothing about how hard it's becoming and how extreme the urges are to cut again. All the things I should have said, but didn't.
I don't get to speak to her again; she said she's going to write a letter to the local mental health team and my GP to recommend that I be sent for further counselling (probably psychodynamic). And she said that the symptoms 'fit' MPD. So at least I'll be getting help, I'm just hoping that all the negative thoughts I'm getting are just paranoia.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
I already posted a goodbye in the general board but bye to everyone in here, because i used to post alot here. Too many people know me on here. It doesn't really help.
Bye from us all
I dreamed I was missing, you were so scared.
But no-one would listen, cos no-one else cared
I'm strong on the surface, not all the way through
I've never been perfect but neither have you
something werid is going on... best way I can explain t is "brain lag", it feels like I am "out of sinx" with everything, like a second behind... never had this before... I'm assuming it's linked to the dissocosiation stuff but it's scaring me...
I feel very unreal and dizzy. I keep calling it 'anxiety from a distance' cos it feels like very high anxiety but i'm also numb and disconnected at the same time. We need to get rid of the filth, the pain, need something to stop everything. Stop the flashbacks. I want to hurt. I'm missing time again and I don't like it, i just want to be normal for a day, no hurt or reminders or anything.
This feeling will kill me eventually. I'm sure of it.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
We've seen the film before, we think it is really well done and quite clever. But of course it encourages the stereotype that peope with dissociative identity disorder are crazy and dangerous, needing to be locked up, restrained and sedated, we abhor that. It also implies that we have thought impairment which is not a symptom of DID...
I (ash) am feeling pretty good within myself psychologically, I think I'm in love actually... It's really complicated though.
Physically not so well. I am having a lot of trouble with food. Not in an eating disorder sense, but I cannot stomach a small meal at any time no matter how hungry i feel, everything I am eating is making me feel sick, i cant even eat a whole banana. So i jump from being so full that i feel nauseas after eating a very small portion of food, to being so hungry that i am having hunger pains, but feel so sick from hunger that the thought of eating alone makes me nauseas. I'm eating tiny bits of food at a time, our psych said to try for small meals every 2 hours to see how it goes...
Mum is also hammering me/us about getting more information about the system, but it feels quite unsafe to do so and she won't let up about it. She also badgers us after sessions with T about what we spoke about. She is always unhappy about something, its usually and underlying anger that seeps and infects everything. So we may come out of the session (her picking us up down the road after work) and her in a shitty mood asking us about the session, not even caring how we feel, how it affected us but wanting information. It hurts and doesn't feel safe at all. It actually blows.
I don't think your mum should be pressureing you like that :( forcing infrmation really is not a good plan, esspecially if it doesn't feel safe right now.
Ye, the film isn't perfect, but it's one of the better portrayals that I've seen. DID isn't really the esiest of disorders to describe nor portray.
I have an appointment with psychotherapy this afternoon last time I saw them (about 6 months ago) they said I was not "bad enough" to be seen by them so they referred me back to CATwho had referred meover as they said they were unable to help me... so today I have to convince them that I do need help from them... not looking forward to it
last time I saw them (about 6 months ago) they said I was not "bad enough" to be seen by them so they referred me back to CATwho had referred meover as they said they were unable to help me... so today I have to convince them that I do need help from them... not looking forward to it