Thanks Laura and everyone. :)
Been feeling insecure lately. Is shifting some now.
I'm currently reading "Fractured" by Ruth Dee, who has DID. It's an excellent book, and is really helping me understand my own dissociative dynamics, even though mine're not so 'severe'.
Anyone else read it?
We've not read it, but since you think it's a good book we might see if it's available in our library...
Does anybody get dysphoria because they're a different gender to the body? I've (Shdaow) been having a particularly bad week with the whole 'not-a-female' thing, and not only does it make me really want to hurt myself, but it's spiking the frustration and negative feelings of everyone in-system ('cause we all seem to get affected by each other).
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
everyone in our system are female so have no experiance with dysmorphia. But I can see why being a different gender to the body could afect you in that way. I'm sure I read something on the topic recently... will have a look for it and see if it gae any advise or anything
The following content has been hidden - Reason : SI trig
I've got a question... a few times in the past while dissocosiating the body has been cut, usually this is Sarah or Rachel, but a few times it's different and noone inside will explain it nor say it was them. These times what happpens is I "come back" to find a tool places between the fingers with the hand in fist... sometimes there are several tools, one between each fingers, a bit like claws...
Hazel it could just be a different, or ritualistic, way of self-harming that a certain alter does (some of us have very specific ways of hurting). If no one's claiming responsibility then it might that they don't want you to know who did it.
For those doubts that swirl all around us
For those lives that tear at the seams
We know… we’re not what we’ve seen
For this dance we’ll move with each other
There ain’t no other step than one foot
Right in front of the other
My boyfriend made a joke about how it might be a cat alter and the idea scared me lol.
I got a bit worried that it might have been one of the really young ones as she has a bit of a cat and wolf obsession and it really looks claw like... but I don like the idea of she doing it as she is so young...
clawing kind of walls make sense, but clawing self doesn't really... would an animal alter self-harm? how do animal alter even form?
I mean I have eard of people having animal alters, someone explained it as animals being "safer" than humans... but I still can't really get my head around it... how do animal alters cope with being in a human body?
I'm sorry that the only question I could even try to answer is whether animal alters can self harm. I think they can, because "real life" animals self harm too when they're distressed.
Stellata, we have read the book and we did enjoy it, though we are hazy on the details.... (will have to have another look through, we're sure we'll remember it then)
shadow-light,
It could be the young one, we have parts who are very young who self harm (and often seriously). They were 'taught' to by abusers.
It doesn't sound like an animal alter (in our opinion) because we wouldn't think they would use tools...? But we don't know.
None of us here can really tell you what it means, cause all of our systems are set-up so differently to cater for our individual needs as a system.
We also think scath raises a good point, we have parts who harm in a particular way as well, specific to their experience, in a quite ritualistic way.
We have some females inside too, and they are generally not the most active (fronting) parts, so don't have a huge issue with the gender of the body, but we have had these problems in the past. Would it make it easier if you were able to wear some clothes (when you were out) that are more applicable to you/gender?
Clawing themselves is entirely possible, like laura said, animals hurt themselves too when they are distressed, biting, scratching chewing out hair/plucking feathers.
The tools are what makes me think it's pretty unlikely to be an animal.
And we sort of dispute animals being safer....
Labyrinth, we wonder whether it would be likely to have a dog alter if you hated them, since the protective defence of trauma would probably prevent that as it is trying to protect you from these things (and there would be a reason you hated dogs). Unless it was to help you with the fear/hate associated with dogs.
Animal alters may not know that they are in a human body.
They were created as an animal in the system, so how they are in the body is how they are.
They never experienced being a 'real' animal in a physical/structural way so they wouldn't know differently.
Our animal alters are quite content it seems in a human body, as they haven't known what it's like to be in that animals body. See what we mean?
Some walk on four legs, or just sort of lope, sleep on the ground (we bought a dog bed to stop them sleeping in the kennel outside)...
the tools was what made me sceptical too... the tools are new though, there used to be biting and scratching, but ye, I'm not 100% sure that an animal could use tools... I guess I just really really don't want it to be Jess doing it as the idea of a 5 year old self harming upsets me a bit... but at the same time I'm conserned by the idea of an animal alter... so not sure what I want it to be lol
Animal alters may not know that they are in a human body.
They were created as an animal in the system, so how they are in the body is how they are.
They never experienced being a 'real' animal in a physical/structural way so they wouldn't know differently.
Our animal alters are quite content it seems in a human body, as they haven't known what it's like to be in that animals body. See what we mean?
Some walk on four legs, or just sort of lope, sleep on the ground (we bought a dog bed to stop them sleeping in the kennel outside)...
that makes a lot of sense..
on the hating a dog alter if you hated dogs thing... maybe you could form a dog protector, as if you presieve dogs as scary your mind may think them a good protector?
Shadow - yes.
That is kindof what we were getting at, but failed :P
There would need to be a good reason behind having an animal inside that was a negative/distressing thing to the system.
The tools we would think is not an animal thing.
We know how upsetting it can be to know that such a young child (we have 4 year olds who SH) can hurt themselves, that they have that much pain that they feel they need to go to those extremes....
The best thing you can do, is for starters, try and find out who is doing it, asking inside, letting them know that they aren't in trouble, that you care and want to know why they are hurting so much and that you want to know what you can do to help them.
Taking away the blame/punishment component can really help.
And then talking with them/working through the stuff (perhaps with a T).
We journal a lot, and lots of information comes out there.
We leave notes if there has been self harm saying things like 'we've noticed someone hurt themselves and we're concerned for them, we'd like to know what we can do to help them, and we're here if they want to talk to us. We aren't angry.... etc'
Ive just had a look online at some research that has been done on animal alters, and there are some reasons that psychologists believe that people have animal alters. This is what I found;
In some cases, the development of the animal alter could be traced to childhood traumata involving (1) being forced to act or live like an animal, (2)
witnessing animal mutilation, (3) being forced to engage in or
witness bestiality, or (4) experiencing the traumatic loss of or killing
of an animal. Clinical clues to the animal alter phenomenon that
emerge during therapy are (1) over-identification with an animal,
(2) hearing animal calls, (3) excessive fears of animals, (4) excessive
involvement with a pet, and (5) cruelty to animals.'
I seriously wouldnt suggest looking at this stuff though, as some of the stuff they talk about the participants going through is just the worst stuff i have ever read about abuse, and is extremely triggering. i wish i hadnt looked up it up, but seeing as i did, i thought i would let you know what i found...
'Significantly, whenever the patient's guilt was triggered
about not saving her children or the kittens, she would selfmutilate
with a razor blade held lengthwise between hyperextended
fingers, her fingers resembling claws.'
ugh i'm tired of dissociating. it's making me so depressed. it's hard to even drive. it's like i feel like i'm just going to shut off and do something i'm going to regret and not even remember it. i haven't yet to my knowledge but that's what it feels like will happen. does that make sense?
Headrush,
We've reads that before, it's good information.
It didn't say the context in the exerpt, but this:
Quote:
Significantly, whenever the patient's guilt was triggered
about not saving her children or the kittens, she would selfmutilate
with a razor blade held lengthwise between hyperextended
fingers, her fingers resembling claws.'
...sounded more like a human alter overwhelmed with guilt about what happened to the animals. Not an animal alter.
There are lots of reasons systems have all sorts of alters.
You can even have inanimate objects as alters.
frozenfairytale,
Sorry to hear you are struggling, do you know of any triggers?
How does grounding and mindfulness work for you?
'Cause often with us, unless a sudden switch is coming on, if we can catch the warning signs of dissociation, (which when you are attuned to yourself and responses you can be aware of) if we start doing grounding (feeling our feet on the floor, taking note of how our weight is distributed in our body (balls of our feet, heels, or bottom on a seat) or feeling the texture or something in the vicinity, or even just very mindful breathing - we can stay much more present and get out of the dissociative state.
It takes lots of practice. Practicing when you aren't dissociating or distressed helps the techniques come much easier when you need them.
But it does work. When you have the skills and have practices enough to implement them in times of real need they do work.
yeah i think i need to practice them when i'm not dissociating, because otherwise it feels almost impossible when i am. thanks for replying bb and headrush. i'm not sure what the trigger was. i know i kept thinking people were talking about me and paranoid thoughts were starting to creep in. i'm really not sure what's been happening to me lately!
