The only reason I haven't cut too badly, is because it would hurt people I care about, but I want to hurt. Badly.
Been looking into ways where its not visible.
MuC N?# [f;m/f/n] S.H+/S.Hf/S.H&S.He/S.H&S.Rlg/S.H&S.Brw/S.H&S.Mcd/S.H~S.Mcw A(b- r---!/) Os/r Cc- I- OF(r o+) P~ F(cr^/xt+^/pw+^/eb+^/a+^/#+^) T++# X+(s/b/a/p) Jx Dj/o R C++ So
"Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here, to the castle beyond the goblin city, for my will is as strong as yours and my kindom is great."
I feel i cant help those who need my help because i am selfishly wrapped up in my own problems that are small trivially and not really that big a deal!!
Nothing lasts forever
And we both know hearts can change
And it's hard to hold a candle
In the cold November rain
The following content has been hidden - Reason : SA and SI trig
i feel my body betrayed me, I want to remove, literally remove not cut, everything he touched... everything that caused what happened... everything that drew him to me
I feel worse because I can't be well for you. I wish I could be all the things you both want.
MuC N?# [f;m/f/n] S.H+/S.Hf/S.H&S.He/S.H&S.Rlg/S.H&S.Brw/S.H&S.Mcd/S.H~S.Mcw A(b- r---!/) Os/r Cc- I- OF(r o+) P~ F(cr^/xt+^/pw+^/eb+^/a+^/#+^) T++# X+(s/b/a/p) Jx Dj/o R C++ So
"Through dangers untold and hardships unnumbered, I have fought my way here, to the castle beyond the goblin city, for my will is as strong as yours and my kindom is great."
*graphic and triggering*
Tried to hide it but couldnt..sorry
ive started to 'let', its dangerous and i cant stop. I know it will make me ill. I feel so trapped by everything. I dont know how much longer i can last
im really scared that i'm just too frightened. all the time.
im frightened of things that were, things that could be, things that are. everyone frightens me to some degree, especially myself.
the thing that i find strange- i have always found dogs triggering. my whole life i've avoided them. in trying to break down that barrier i now have two (very small) dogs...and they're the only ones that don't ever frighten me.
i suppose that i'll always be so scared of being scared that i'll be scared i'll be scared to do anything. which scares me.
perhaps the thing that scares me most, suicide has always been an option. but i don't feel like it is any more. perhaps thats why i'm scared- or at least noticing that i'm scared more. i can't just cut off.
perhaps scared isn't the right work. i suppose technically it'd be called anxiety... but anxiety, connects only with emotion. that emotion to me is fear.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : triggering
I really wish I could end it but the truth is I'm scared I'll fail and have to explain why I tried. Sometimes I think about driving off a bridge... I know I'm F-ed up, and am scarred I won't be able to hide it sometimes. What if someone finds out what really goes through my head.....
I haven't SI'd in about 10 months, but yesterday I bought razor blades. I'm so afraid of falling back into the habit, but at the same time I just don't care about much of anything anymore.
I want to stay in love with my sorrow.
Oh, but God, I want to let it go.
If you look in the mirror and don't like what you see, you can find out first-hand what it's like to be me.
You'll need a symphony to give sympathy to the girl with the worst luck in town.
When I care, it curls me up on the floor and I swear I can't do it anymore.
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Possibly triggering re sh
This whole trying not to cut as deep thing needs to end. I need to cut deeper and deeper, cause damage, tear myself to bits. The shallow ones don't work as well.
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
