Triggering (Suicide/Sexual Abuse) - bad dreams

[ladybug]

lately ive been having really bad dreams
not the normal dreams about mitch tho
its about my ex.
i dream thats hes on me i can feel him.
at the time when it happened i just thought it was a sex dream
but then when i wake up
i can still feel him on me
and i can see him
and i can hear him asking me to just let him finish.
i hate it.
but it was my fault!!!!!!!!
i said if his voices ever took over i would rather he did it to me than mess up some random girls life up.
i just wanna die
i hate it
i hate knowing that im so messed up
and hes out with a new girlfriend and happy
and im too scared to go to the police
all that will happen is that he will get put in a psych hospital because hes insane
i cant win!!!!!!!!
if i go to the police he just gets put into a hospital
but if i dont go hes out there and the voices may take over and hurt his new gf
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHH
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHH
why cant i just go back in time and make it not happen
every dream i have makes me wanna kill myself
every thought makes me wanna kill myself
basically i just really wanna kill myself
its all i want

[shadow-light]

nightmares are awful... in some ways I find them worse than flashbacks...


http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...ps+for+ab use and http://www.recoveryourlife.com/forum...ps+for+ab use have some tips and stuff on them that you may find useful


why would him going into hospital be such a bad thing?



you have to try to remember that these things are in the past, he can't hurt you now. maybe try to make yourself feel as safe as possible when going to bed? whatever it takes, a toy, a light, being fully clothed, wrapping the covers tightly around you to make you feel secure... anything to make you feel more safe

[ladybug]

cos if hes in hospital it wont be as bad as it would be if he was in prinson

i think i may sleep behind my door tonight and see if that helps.

[shadow-light]

but at least hospital would be something...

ye, having the door there may make you feel more secure, and if you're feeling safe/secure the nightmares are less likely to come

[ladybug]

i hope they wont start :(


but if hes in hospital he'll be seen as a criminal but in a hospital hes just a patient