Triggering (Sexual Abuse) - my 'friends'

[Cacoethes]

didnt really know how to label this but..

it happened years ago, what this boy did to me, but now
my friends, my best friends are saying i deserved it.
it started when i said i liked a guy, and they started off with
no one will ever go out with you, your a whore, everyone thinks it,
everyone knows what you did with him.
what I did with him, its what he did to me.
and how does everyone know.
im starting to believe them
i am a whore.
i was 14 when it happened, he was 16, in the same school.
he probably went round and told everybody.
but obviously leaving out the part that I SAID NO.
sorry for the rant. i suppose i just needed to tell people that dont know me in real life. because if you did you would say im a whore too.

[Spoons]

i dont think you are a whore. if you said no and stuff happened that doesnt make you a whore.
he was in the wrong and not you

[Cacoethes]

but there must have been something that drew him to me.
there are far far more attractive girls in my school.
why was he drawn to the fat ugly one, unless he saw me for what i really am. a good for nothing slut who wouldnt say anything

[Spoons]

he probabaly saw you as someone that he could manipulate.

i ask myself that question with what happened to me, why me? why did he pick not a pick a thinner prettier girl, there was plenty around, but he chose me.

i dont really have anything constructive to say other than to say, i undertsand how you feel and thats pretty much how i feel atm.

[Cacoethes]

thanks for your replies.
it means alot that you took the time to relply to my thread.
i keep seeing this guy everywhere, in people that obviously arent him,
its scary and i cant live like this,constantly looking over my shoulder, thinking hes there, thinking he'll do it again.

[Spoons]

fear is natural after what you have been through.

thinking that everyone out there is a potential attacker is hard and draining.
all i can say is it gets easier with time.
also talking through what happened to you can help.

[shadow-light]

you're not a whore and you'll have done nothing to cause what he did to you. I think we've all gone thought a period of thinking "what did I do?" why did they pick me?" or "was it my fault?", but in reality it's generally a cause that we were in the wrong place in the wrong time. these people who do these things are in the wrong, but they always seem to make it so that we sufer, so that we are punished for their crime...

you did nothing wrong.


have you told anyone that you said no? If he did spread it round then it's probably that he'd have left this out... and anyway even if you hadn't said "no" since when does sleeping with one person make anyone a whore? I think you should talk to your friends, maybe they'll reconcider their opinion

[Cacoethes]

i just feel so dirty, still.
even after the boiling hot showers and baths, i cant get clean.
its stupid, its been 4 years, 4. why are my friends bringing this up now,
come to think of it i never even told them.

also i feel horrible, last time i saw him i threatened him with a knife.
im not a violent person, he just stood there smirking at me and making sexually obsene
gestures at me.
he made me feel i was in the wrong.
ive never told anyone that before, im so ashamed.
its been 4 ****ing years.
i should be over this by now
im pathetic

[shadow-light]

there is no time limit for these things... it;s been 4 years for me too...
I do know how you feel, sort of like that you really should be over this by now, that it's in the past so shouldn't bother you. but there is NOTHING wrong with it affecting you, it's perfectly natural in fact. there is no time limit, some people recover in months overs take years or even decades. don't try to rush yourself.


I really do think that you should speak top someone though

[Cacoethes]

i cant tell anyone.
they will think im stupid.
and i dont want them to track this guy down, if he gets arrested then his friends will come after me.
i had to walk to tescos for lunch on my own today, i was so so scared, everytime a man walked towards or behind me, i would pretty much have a panic attack.
i never want to leave the house again.
but i have to

[shadow-light]

you don't have to report it, but telling someone xcould be helpful.


I do understand that fear... but you don't want to end up the way I have, being totally incapable to leaving your home without an escort... I know it's hard to talk about, but even just saying "something" happened is better than nothing... I'm sure no-one will force you to go to the police, they may advice it but in the end that's a decition you must make. and it's a decition where no answer is incorrect, if you don't want to report it you don't have to

[Lucius.]

Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry that you've been through something as awful as that. That certainly doesn't make you a whore, though, and you didn't deserve it at all. You said no, and that is the difference between you and a whore.

What your "friends" have said is cruel and completely unecassary. You don't need people like that in your life.

Contact me anytime, sweetheart. You know I'll gladly listen *cuddles*

[Misunderstood.]

These people you call your friends, I don't think are worth hanging around with anymore if they are going to talk about you to you like this. It's obviously doing you a lot of harm psychologically.
You did nothing wrong and you certainly aren't a whore.
You were a vulnerable 14 year old who was taken advantage of and anyone who says otherwise is just cruel and obviously lying.
Certainly not worth your time.

[Cacoethes]

thanks everyone for all your help.
im trying so hard to put it all behind me.
i cant think of anyone i trust enough to talk to, except from people on here obviously.
if people ask me about it i freeze up and panic.