i dont think this really counts as serious but i can think of anywere else to put it so here goes. yesterday i came back from uni to my parents house, they have no idea what happend to me, thing is it was only a month ago so im not really 'back to noraml' yet. im trying to hide it from them and at the moment they are putting it down to me being tired. but im worried about tomorrow and the days after that, what will i do if they start asking questions? how do i cope with them all being so happy and feeling so safe, when i feelthe total oposit? i dont want to ruin their x-mas but im being a moody distant bitch to them and i feel crap about that, how do i get through x-mas without them finding anything out?
No useful ideas, only empathy. I'm going to spend a week at my mum's over christmas (I'm 26 and still spend christmas at my mum's). It was only a couple of months ago when they found out re sh/usi attempts etc when the police called them when they found me. Since then? I;ve done as you prob have, pretended that everything was miraculously OK now. It's not a good way to deal with things but I understand. I'm planning to withdraw to my room a couple of hours in the afternoons or go for a walk, anything so I can get away from them and be how I really feel. Could you perhaps plan a few things for you, when you don't need to pretend everything is ok?
"Everything is possible through Christ, who gives me strength". Phillipians 4:13
i don't know, they don't how a clue anything is wrong with me, hiding the sh is easy cause its winter but flashbacks ect are much harder to hide lucky i haven't had one yet but then again i haven't even been home 24 hours. im hoping if a withdraw to my room with the excuse of essays they might let me be,
im just teriffed they will start to ask me and i'll will break down and tell them everything :(
I can deantly enforsise too... although I've been doing this "act" for a long time now, tis year just seems worse as christmas has come at a time when I already feel bad...
do you have an friends near your parents who you could go to see? maybe even confide in?
personally my method is to plan 2 or 3 things throughout the time to look forward to, and make a list in your head of excuses (such as essays,. revision, going to see friends, etc.) for when you just need to be away from everything...
wish I could be of more help... there is no way you could speak to your parents is there? hiding things and putting on this act is always hard, and if they knew something it may make it easier
wish I could help, but in pritty much the same situation myself...
never appologise for posting, it's not needed. this place is here for us to help one another, so post as much as you like.
I can understand thinking that it may "hurt them"... but surely if they were to find out some other way later on it would hurt them to feel as if you didn't trust them? I can understand not wanting to tell them though...
maybe you just need to adjust back to being with your family, after a few days it may get easier
im going backwards and forwards between should i tell them, shouldn't i. i just dont know the secret is killing me i never keep anything from my family and im finding the act so hard, i jjust want to freek out but im holding it all inside and i feel like im going to explode.
but at the same time, they could really help it would hurt them and they would want me to go to the police.
what do i do? should i tell them? should i wait til after x-mas? i would hate to ruin x-mas for everyone. how do you have a conversation like that?
im so confussed i feel like im damned if i do and damned if i don't, i just want to scream forever.
if you do decide to tell them then waiting until after christmas may be the best in theory... however, the longer you leave it the harder it will be, that and they may feel sort of dejected that you didn't tell them earlier...
in the end it's up to you if you tell them or not... do whatever you think is best. maybe may a pro/con list to help you weigh it up?
i told them, or rather my mum my dad rolled over and went back to sleep as soon as he saw i was crying. my mum kept guessing until i noded but she dosn't really know any details nor about the self harm. thing is she didn't react, all day today shes been acting like i never told her. i was expecting anger or her being disapointed with me but she hasn't reacted which is actualy much worse than any reaction i had been expected.
not sure what to do now, do i tell my dad, or just go back to acting normal for them.
im more confussed now than before, for some reason since comeing home i get angry at my family so easly. i wasn't angry befor, is this a good or bad sign?
man i feel like im damned if i do damned if i dont no matter what it is, life is so screwed up, how does anybody get any joy out of it at all is a mystery to me.
iv totaly changed my mind, i wish id not told her, the idea of actual talking about this with anyone especialy her still terifes me. plus today is christmas (danish christmas is the 24th) i don't really want to bring it up again. im still having to act for my family but now i have shame everytime my mum looks at me, i though it might help to talk to them but nothing has got better if anything its got worse. i wish i wasn't such an idiot i shouldn't have told them anything.
life is just spining out of control im meant to be geting better but i think im get worse, and i have no idea now to help myself. i have now tried everything to get help my best friend, my parents, the doc, councilers. nobody can help, the counciler actualy apologised for not being able to help me, it her job to help! im out of places to turn.
god this turned into a wine didn't it opps sorry am feeling very meh, christmas and all
Christmas is so rough when everyone is in default happy mode and that jazz
thinking of you
Amy
To be nobody but yourself in a world that's doing its best to make you somebody else, is to fight the hardest battle you are ever going to fight. Never stop fighting-E. E. Cummings
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epp had flash back during christmas eve whilst whole family was sat around opening presents. help, luckly i used abput every grounding tecniqe i know and was able to deal with it, i didnt cry or shout out so i think they just thought i was being moody but im so scared at the moment and im screaming inside and they cant hear it. befor i hurt so much but now it sill hurts as much if not more but everything seems so dark so black too. im so scared im not going to be able to find my way out of the blackness, i want help but i dont know were to get it from everyone iv asked has said they cant help
