Triggering (Sexual Abuse) - am I over-reacting?

lozstar88 · 21-11-2008, 06:18 AM

I'm not quite sure if I am just over-reacting because of things that have happened in the past or if what he is doing is actually wrong...

It makes me feel uncomfortable but maybe i'm just being silly...but then some of things he does have to be wrong...don't they? Maybe it is just me...I am probably causing all of this...usually do deserve it

I mean he is my boss...I can't say anything...

but is wrong that...
when he walks past me he blows air down my neck
when he walks past me he brushes against me
he pokes my stomach and grabs at my hips/waist
he "accidently" knocks me in the chest (like 10 times a shift)
he hits me on the bum with objects
he gets really close to my face...almost like he is about to kiss me...when we are alone
he says stuff (dirty) to me that he wouldn't dare say to any other crew because he knows I won't say anything
he always wants to know if I "hooked" up with any one on the weekend

I don't know...maybe I am just over-reacting....reading too much into it?

it's me isn't it?

SecretMe · 21-11-2008, 06:43 AM

Outrageous!

I wish I could be there so I could kick him where it would hurt the most...

He is absolutely wrong and crossing the line with you! No, it isn't you. If you the boss would you swat an empoyee on the bum? Talk dirty to them? Brush against them or do anything like this? Of course not! If you heard this was happening to a friend what would you think?

Sweetie, I can understand second guessing yourself because of your background because I have a sexual abuse background and have found myself in situations where I tolerated things others wouldn't, so please don't think I am at all upset with you.

I am upset with this boss of yours and I want you to know veryclearly that you do not have to put up with this from a boss at any job. It is sexual harassment and inappropriate behavior!

I am so verry sad and angry that this is happening to you. What a jerk.

*hugs*

I am here for you and I care about you. I hope you are able to stand up for yourself, or if not find another job where your boundaries are not violated. I am here to care and help, support and listen anytime you need someone. Please don't hesitate to PM me anytime. I try to check my PMs everyday. You can also email me.

Please take care of you and don't blame yourself. No one deserves this treatment, including you. You deserve to be safe and treated with respect.

lozza · 21-11-2008, 07:37 AM

I am so sorry that you are going through this hunni, no one deserves to be treated that way and yes what he is doing IS wrong.

Is there someone at work you can talk to about this, maybe the nice supervisor person, I'm sure she would be able to help you out and make sure changes are made...

Is there anything I can do to help hunni?? Please know that I am always here to talk/listen/give you billions of hugs... I am so sorry that this is happening, I know how it feels to be in situations like this but knowing there isnt much you can do cuz their your boss...

*holds gently*

Loz. xxx

Casper_Fading · 21-11-2008, 12:23 PM

Report it. I had a boss who did that and I quit instead of reporting it and he did it to another girl. Report him. He has no right to do any of that stuff to you. Sexual Harrassment is a reportable and chargable offence! *cuddles lots*

shadow-light · 21-11-2008, 03:30 PM

I am pritty sure that wuld be sexual harassment... I agree with the above, you should probably report him.

Ingenue · 21-11-2008, 03:45 PM

Your situation sounds just like my friends. She didn't say anything to anyone, not even me, and then he kissed her.
She ran and luckily she told us all. We convinced her what he had done was wrong and she told her parents.
She filed Sexual Harassment case & because she spoke up, so did 15 other girls.
Safe to say the guy lost his case.

Sweetie, this is not your fault. And it isn't right.
Please try and report it.
Don't put up with it. Nobody should have to put up with that.

troubleshooter · 21-11-2008, 04:08 PM

No sweetheart you're not overreacting at all. *cuddles* That's def sexual harrassment and he should be reported and stopped. No one has a right to touch you or make you uncomfortable like that. *snuggles* Hope you're able to tell someone who can help at work.

lozstar88 · 22-11-2008, 07:32 AM

thank-you for replying...*hugs*

you are all so sweet but I'm not as strong or brave as some of you are or think that I can be
I can't tell :( He is my big boss, as in store owner...who controls everything...who would you believe?
...the words of a great trust worthy business man or a stupid flirty girl who has had previous problems at her old job?

it is escalating...but I have no way to stop it

my nice supervisor is really close to him...it would divide everyone...too much trouble over stupid silly pathetic OVER-reacting me

what hurts the most is that he knows about my SA and all this escalated after he found out (he is one of the only ppl that know about it and I don't want my parents to find out and he knows that...threatens to tell when things don't go his way...oh my...I'm over my head...HE HAS ME RIGHT WHERE HE WANTS ME...

HELP!

FlightlessBird · 22-11-2008, 07:38 AM

This is definitely sexual harassment and I hope it doesn't escalate to sexual assault. Hun, you really should tell someone. For all you know this jerk might have prior charges of sexual harassment against him. You really need to tell your other supervisor. Nothing that would result would be worse than what your a-hole boss is putting you through. In this case you are 100% entitled to be "selfish". Screw what other people think, what he's doing is WRONG. Please report him either to another supervisor or to the police.

If you're worried about it being your word vs. him you could keep a voice recorder with you to record what he says...and if he's doing this to you at work it should be on camera. So there's proof out there if it turns into a he said she said type deal.

*hugs*

Sigma · 26-11-2008, 02:02 PM

I agree - theres no way he should be doing this. If you can't record him, keep a diary. And try to find people to tell that you can trust. You need some support - is there anyone you talk to about SA?

EyelinerAndCigarettes · 26-11-2008, 03:34 PM

oh, angel, this is so wrong. Please tell someone.
I love you so much,
Sorry I'm lost for words right now.
x x x

lydia. · 26-11-2008, 07:49 PM

heya,
that is wrong. it's alright to be scared about telling people but you have to. what he is doing is wrong. please make yourself heard. as someone said, he could be treating other workers like this. please don't be afraid, you have a voice. you can stop this.
this is his fault, not yours. he should get in trouble, no one will judge you. your health and safety is so, so, much more important than a job anyway.
what do you think?
*squishes*

lozstar88 · 27-11-2008, 11:15 AM

thank-you for all your replies

...today I was out the back of the store by myself and he came out there too...he told me to listen to a song when I got home from work....he said that he thinks of me when he plays it...I got home and I stupidly wanted to know what the song was about....

the lyrics scare me...

I'm too scared...no one will believe me...no one ever does!

lydia. · 27-11-2008, 12:42 PM

they will believe you sweetie. you're not doing anything wrong, they have no reason to not believe you.
this has to stop.
please tell someone?

shadow-light · 27-11-2008, 01:38 PM

maybe you could speak to a colleague that you trust? see if they've noticed anything, and if they haven't see if they'll keep an eye out. that way you'll have a witness and then people will have to believe you, that way yuo'll at least have someone to speak to too