Is it me?

[nmha08]

Now at the age of 22, you'd think I'd be getting over this by now.

I was bullied to hell from a young age right up until the end of senior school until I left at 16. I remember that last year being one big struggle. I rarely went to lessons, spent every registration and every excuse possible to get time out to sit in the counsellor's office, and eventually it got so bad I got referred to see professionals at the hospital.

Which is all well and good, at the time it worked. My self esteem improved greatly and I stopped caring what other people thought. Even some brief episodes later at college with one start-something-about-nothing girl didn't phase me.

It could just be that I'm having a bad time or something. I recently started college again on a new course I'm rather excited about. It's part time one day a week, the rest I spend at work, which I find quiet pleasant no problems there.

But back in college I'm starting to pick up these classic symptoms of what it is being a victim and for the life of me I can't figure out what I've done or what I've said. It's the usual, giggling, whispering, snide comments and generally making things difficult.
I won't lie though. I could care less about these people and have no real desire to meet my best friend, but this is a proper nuissance and something I could do without. It's bringing back a few flashbacks of those feelings and axiety I had as a teenager simply over that feeling of "Oh, it's happening again".

More to the point, I'm starting to wonder if it really is them or there's actually something genuinely wrong with me to warrant this kind of behaviour and unwanted attention. I honestly don't know what to do and I know I'll be stressing at least for the rest of the week wondering how to go about fixing myself so people will just go back to leaving me alone and I can be all smiles laughs and just get on and have fun.

If anyone can point out where I'm going wrong, I'll be happy to hear it, nobody else seems to be telling me these things and I'm sure the world would be a lot better place if people did that. If now, how should I go about fixing this in general?
Like I said, it doesn't happen at work, so it could just be an isolated situation because it's such a small group that got clicky and decided to leave me out.
Either way thanks for taking the time to read this!

Suggestions?

[shadow-light]

the reason it probaby doesn't happen at work is that those people will be more mature... as awful as it sounds it is true, once you hit having to work age/situration you grow up quickly... the college people however sound like they're merely being immature.

I know that isn't too helpful... but I just don't want you blaiming yourself as it won't be you. there is probably little to nothing you can do to "fix" the situation... likelyhood is whatever you ix they;ll just find a new thing... it's basically immaturity I think... I really don't know what I can suggest to help...

[nmha08]

Thankyou for your input, I actually did find it helpful
Maybe I'm just looking for reassurance. I just can't figure it out.

[Amaryllis]

Well, I'm inclined to think it's one of two things. 1) It is just you or 2) those folks are pretty immature for doing that.

I know, because of my history, I have to be careful thinking that other people are talking about me because they probably aren't and it's just the paranoia talking.

However, I'm not as into that situation as you are. It doesn't sound like you really have that problem with the paranoia, but only you will know. So, I'm going to actually go with the people just being immature, especially since it was just one isolated incident.

Would it be at all possible for you to either talk to them or talk to someone else who can see what's going on? Just to make sure.

I am sorry this isn't a terribly helpful reply, but I hope you get it sorted out. And also, your avatar is pretty cool.

[foxfly]

I do think that having been bullied does make you more sensitive to classroom situations, and perhaps being in a situation like this will automatically make you feel a bit threatened. What they're doing sounds very demotivating not to mention immature and difficult and for someone with your past it must make it extra hard. There's really not much advice I feel I can give, I'm sorry, but I'm sure it isn't you, it's just the immaturity and stupidity of these people, who have decided to perceive you as an outsider and therefore treat you in an unkind and unsuitable way. It should always reflect badly on them, not on you.