Triggering (SI/Sexual Abuse) - he

ladybug · 17-11-2008, 10:47 AM

he wants me to meet him wednesday mitch that is.

i said no and told him where to shove it but now i feel bad

i did wrong

i should just go thats what he wants and it would make him happy ad not angry

he said sorry for how he treated me and that hes changed

couldnt really sleep last night because of flashbacks and dreams about it

maybe he has changed surely its possible?????

i said some really horrible things and now i need to cut

i need to punish myself for not doing what he wanted

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maybe i should just email him and say sorry that i was just having a bad day and that i didnt mean what i said because then he wouldnt be angry.

i just wish i could make him happy and not get me hurt although i do deserve all the pain i get so it doesnt really matter because im a desgusting slut.

words to describe me

slut
whore
bitch
grose
horrid
ugly
fat
desgusting
worthless
pathetic
sick
twisted
evil

and

dead inside.

and are all reasons why i should cut until i die from blood lose

but i promised greg i would stay safe atm

i hate myself so much

why cant i just die???????????

EyelinerAndCigarettes · 17-11-2008, 01:17 PM

Hey sweetie.
I'm in the same situation darling & I know how you feeling, but lets think logically now. You do not have to do anything that you don't want to, he's manipulating you into doing what he wants, he's guilt tripping you. You haven't done anything wrong, you've done the best thing you could! you told him were to go :) & I'm really proud of you, because he deserves a hell of a lot worse than you could ever say to him,, he deserves to rot in hell. I think you know deep in your heart that he couldn't change. Please don't meet with him,, for your own saftey. <3

x x x

troubleshooter · 17-11-2008, 04:42 PM

Rachel baby you did the RIGHT thing telling him no, You were so brave to do that. Mitch hasn't changed and he's just saying that to trick you and hurt you and make you do yucky things that upset you. *snuggles gently* It's not your fault, you don't have to feel guilty because you did the right thing. You should stay away from him okay? You're none of those awful words honey, not one.

shadow-light · 17-11-2008, 06:11 PM

I agree with everything the 2 posts above me have said.

you are none of those awful words, you don't deserve pain and you don't have to do anything to make him happy. you need to make you happy, no one else.
the likelyhood is he hasn't changed, he's just trying to get his own way by telling you that

please don't see him, for your own safety. what you said to him was the right thing to do, don't feel bad about it, he deserves far far far worse than you telling him where to go... please don't feel bad about it, try to follow it through and not see him instead

ladybug · 17-11-2008, 09:52 PM

i want to believe he can change so that i have hope that my dad could change.

troubleshooter · 18-11-2008, 01:19 AM

Sweetheart, hope like that will only hurt you. Sometimes people can change, but lots of times they don't. You need to let go of that iea so you can move on, and not keep being hut by him and your dad, even if dad doesn't hurt you anymore. *snuggles* It can hurt you in your mind.