Ugh. ...I feel a little bit of a fraud posting here. Sorry.
Um, anyway. I was sexually 'abused' by someone at school when I was 12 (I'm 20 now, if it's the slightest bit relevant). One of my teachers, actually.
Evidently, I'm still not over it. I've tried counselling and other things, and they don't work. Long story short, seems I'm not ready to recover (although admittedly, that's from other stuff too, not just the teacher).
I was just going through another forum, when a particular thread title caught my eye. 'Sexually assaulted by teacher'. lgkjfdgkljdgkj Gah! I freaked out. I ended up going back, reading the post and offered some advice, but Jesus. It upset me as soon as I saw the title, which I feel bad about, because that poor girl went through something worse than I did. And I want to keep checking it as well, but there are people going in there, saying the girl's a liar and a troll, and all this...and that's triggering, too.
I hate the way it keeps surfacing ! Yesterday I had a ****ing panic attack thanks to something that reminded me of the abuse, and today this poor girl's thread triggered me, and I half want to go back and help, and half want to turn and run. Sorry, I dunno why I'm posting this. Just...want some support or something, I guess <__<;;;;
why do you feel like a fraud for posting here? you have as much right to do so as anyone else
I feel so sorry for the person you found on that other forum... being told you're a lier is awful, and I can perfectly understand why it triggered you... maybe you could PM them? just to let them know that someone believes them...
maybe the fact tat these things have started surfacing is a sign that you are ready to deal with them? The mind works in odd ways like that...
when you tried to get help before why did it not help? maybe if you tried again and got a different person who you felt more comfortable with you may have more success? I know councilling isn't for everyone, but may be worth another go?
Hey, there's no need to feel awkward about posting here - everyone's welcome. And if you think it's going to help you, then you're more than welcome!
I understand how reading about someone else's experiences would have triggered you, especially when they were that similar to yours. Maybe, at least for now, avoiding reading such threads would be a good idea, and to not keep going back to that thread, as it'll nly upset you more.
When you had counselling etc., did any of it help, even if it was for short term? How long did you go for, and how long ago?
As Shadow mentioned, maybe this resurfacing is your mind's way of telling you it's time to move on. After all, you have to face your fear, because hiding it doesn't get rid of it. Are you willing to give counselling another go, or perhaps something different?
Well done and thank you for posting. Keep posting if you need to.
Thanks you two. I feel like a bit of a fraud because my case wasn't as severe as a lot of other peoples', very complicated, and he got away with it scot free because according to my school, he 'didn't do anything wrong'.
Last time I had counselling was just over a year ago. Can't remember how long it lasted though, unfortunately. I've tried it several times before, and each time there I felt like it was little help. I was also badgered into trying Condition Management Therapy, and again, it just didn't seem to do owt.
As it happens, I have been contemplating the idea of going back and PMing the person who made the thread. I didn't really have anyone who understood what I was going through at the time (God, I wish I'd known about RYL back then), and I'd hate to see someone else go through this alone, even though I don't know the girl
well maybe PM them and tell them about RYL? then you've given them a form of support but it's not all up to you and you then don't have the pressure of returning over and over when it's making you feel bad.
also the severity of what a person went though doesn't matter here. we're not going to judge on or say that your expiriances weren't "bad" enough, you have just as much right to come here as anyone else
I know severity doesn't really matter, but I just get a little...awkward, at times. My school never acted like they gave a flying **** - hell, even my own mother didn't - and generally made me out to be an overreacting little girl. So I dunno, I guess I keep expecting to run into someone else with that sort of attitude x_x
I can understand feeling that way... I often think in a similar mannor about my expiriance in comparison to what others when through (or still are going through). but I guess we just have to learn not to compare...
I think that the fear of being ignored, told we're over reacting or lying is one thing that everyone here can relate to though... that fear is what makes abuse so secretive and in many ways adds to it's power
I think part of it is the bad way my school handled it though, as well. 'Cause aside from saying that he didn't do anything wrong (pft), the principle actually had the audacity to threaten to kick me out. He didn't word it like that, it was all very nicely said, going on about how if I didn't feel I could 'get over it', then I should think about 'a fresh start somewhere else'. But no matter the wording, it was still essentially 'get over it or get out'
So it would seem. So yeah, because of the school's total lack of support, I still harbour a lot of anger towards them. Some of my friends have said that possibly the principle cared more about the reputation of his school rather than doing the right thing. I dunno. I once got reprimanded, because one time, I nearly passed said teacher in the hall, and instead turned about and bolted back in the direction I came from, 'cause I didn't want to go anywhere near him. Wtfs, how is that such an offence?
one way corridor? only way I can see that being even questioned...
I really wish I could help more... but I do think that the fact that this keeps coming back to you currently may be a sign that your mind feels ready to start to deal with it...
well whatever the reason it does seem slightly unfair...
not sure what to suggest really... you sure that you don't want to give councilling another go? may have more success now...
do you have anyone offline who knows about it all? someone you could speak to? I mean speaking online is all weel and good, but sometimes having that real life person can help so much more
My housemate, as it happens. She knows all about my depression, SI, and most of the other crap, including the incident with that teacher. Bugger of it is, though, it's very difficult for me to actually speak about these sorts of things irl. I'll give it a go, though
! Yesterday I had a ****ing panic attack thanks to something that reminded me of the abuse, and today this poor girl's thread triggered me, and I half want to go back and help, and half want to turn and run. Sorry, I dunno why I'm posting this. Just...want some support or something, I guess <__<;;;;
