*Wraps you into a gentle hug and gives you cuddles*
I did read everything you wrote and I truly care.
I agree that you aren't a failure. There is a difference between failing a class, making a mistake, not being able to do something because you are hurting and being a failure. Would you call me a failure because I couldn't stay in school or had similar problems to yours? Would you treat someone else here the way you are treating yourself? Honey, I know you wouldn't. You have a great heart. You are SO hard on yourself, allowing yourself no self-care or compassion- the same care or compassion you would give to someone else if they fell down, were hurting so deep, and were going through what you are. You deserve that care, compassion, and support just as much as the rest of us.
It seems like what might be going on is that you are not only frustrated with yourself, feeling hopeless and unable to keep up with what you want to do, but you are also overwhelmed with even trying to sort out your feelings and get help for yourself. It does sound overwhelming hearing you talk about it.
I'm so sorry that this is so difficult for you right now.
*hugs*
Take it easy, just one step at a time. You do need the help and support, the care of a doctor, and everything else/every resource/any bit of help that can come your way.
The hard part it seems is sorting out what you want to do to make things manageable right now. You know, if school is too much, you can take a break or cut back, that doesn't make you a failure, that means you are taking care of yourself and that is what you deserve. You can always take on more once you have gathered some strength and given yourself some time to get a handle on your emotions. There is no shame in that. If there was then I would have to be ashamed because I had to do the same thing when I was in a similar situation and I realized something had to give.
Whatever you have to do to take care of you, to make sure you are ok, that you get what you need to start building yourself up and out of that dark hopeless place, is what you should do.
I care about you and I know so many others here do as well. I wish that I could do more and that I could be there with you or I could take some of the stress of pain away, but I can't. I can only tell you that there is still hope. You won't always be in the dark. You can do it. You have all of us behind you and supporting you...caring about you.
If you want to talk about things, vent about what is going on, if you feel lost, are struggling, please keep reaching out here. Private message me anytime or email me if you need/want to. I'll be here for you as much as I possibly can.
Please hang in there, try to be safe, take care of yourself, and above all- please don't give up on yourself.
