Contains sexual abuse - What's the healing process like?
The counselling service at my school has recently changed. Since all the counsellors are different, the new counsellor asked me about my hostory. For the first time, I mentioned the possible childhood sexual abuse (i'm still having trouble believeing what happened was abuse, for a specific reason I don't really want to bring up). Anyway, I was told I could be put in contact with a counselling center for sexual assault/abuse victims. I have just over a week until my next session and I really don't know what to do. For one thing, as I have mentioned, I still struggle with defining what happened as abuse, yet there are facts I can't ignore that definitely point that way. But my biggest trouble with making this decision is that I worry that I can't handle it in my current situation. I worry that opening up the issue will make my life hell, and mess up my school semester (which is pretty intense). But I also worry that the consequences are messing up my daily life anyway, and that it's getting worse every year. I worry that if I wait, my future job might be affected (I already lost a lame part time job because of panic attacks) and I might not be able to handle dealing with it then.
So, my question is: what is it like to begin counselling for sexual abuse? Is it really as bad as I imagine?
Unfortunately I'm still in denial, so I can't offer any real advice - I just want you to know I'm here if you want to talk. PM me anytime. Good luck, I'm sure it will help.
xxx
Ask me mistakes I have made
Ask me whether what I have done is my life
Others have come, in their slow way -
And some have come to help, or to hurt -
Ask me what difference
Their strongest love or hate has made.
Maybe this is something that you could discuss with the counsellor that you've already spoken to? I'm sure that you're not alone with worrying about the difficulties that opening up this can of worms could bring. It's tough when we start exploring parts of our past that we are trying to come to terms with.
I would say that you should take the support offered because support can sometimes be hard to come by and you might regret it if you pass up this opportunity. At the end of the day, your worries are about things that could happen, not about things are are necessarily set in stone. Okay, so you might find it trickier to handle everything but I'm guessing things aren't perfect anyway? At least if you start rooting through your past, you can start to come to terms with it, rather than continuing along a similar vein.
I agree you should bring up these worries with the councellor. The problem is veryone copes with the start of therapy differently, and for some it does in the short term make things seem worse... however, there are ways that the counsellor/therapist can limit this effect. So if they are aware that you are concerned and that your work this semester is important to you then they can try to work out the best way to approch the issue
As has been said though try not to let this put you off taking the help. In the long run it will defently be worth it and the longer it's left the harder it will be to recover
Hey,
I went through sexual abuse 2 years ago, and after spending most of these 2 years in denial(of course suffering the aftermath without understanding why I'm changed), I finally got to a point where I couldn't handle the prize of denial anymore.
That was 2 months ago, and without noticing how I had fallen into a trap of depression and self-rejection. So I knew I had to work on things. I will tell you this. Traumatic past IS like a can of worms. Don't open it before you are ready. But from what you said(the panic attacks etc, and just the fact you are wondering if it's the time) I think you are ready.
It won't be easy, and you will keep questioning if it's right to do it, even as you start doing it...but it will be worth it. I have not yet finished my recovery, but there have been significant good changes, that I wouldn't have achieved otherwise. If you open up the past, and get scared, keep going. It's worth it. You have the effects of it, even without thinking about it. So choosing to recover and work on it will be hell, but once you're done with it, it will be so worth it, I promise.
But, if you do decide to do it, make sure you have good support group. Now when I finally started working on things, I started clearing myself from it. I made a blog about my recovery(in my signiture), and found out that there are a lot of people out there going through similar things. It's priceless to discover there are others whose way of thinking has been altered as significantly as yours, and that you are not alone. Thousands of people go through the same thing, and it sucks, and it's hell, but it's manageable. You can recover, and you can have a better life. Also, I did share(finally) what happened with some of my closest friends. 2 years ago, I was too ashamed to even admit it to yourself. But what happened was that I got their unconditional support. If you choose whom you tell wisely, that can be of great help.
And last, don't be afraid to go into the past...but beware that it will be hard. If you have overloaded schedule, take the recovery process very slowly, 1 tiny bit at a time.
Be strong! You can do this!
If you ever need to talk, PM me.
Many many hugs.
My Blog about Trauma & Recovery:http://seekingafrica.wordpress.com/
"It's astonishing, numbing, to find out that inside you, there is a stranger. One that has your arms, your legs, your eyes. A sleepless, restless stranger, who keeps walking, keeps eating, keeps living..." The Brave OneMovie(2007)
