Heya,
I suffer from forms of dissociation too, it is such a hard fight, and it does sound like things are especially bad for you at the moment. Have people talked to you about basic coping strategies? I could email you a leaflet I have on grounding techniques, which is about making yourself aware of your surroundings and literally trying to stay in thsi world, as I call it.
I want you to know, you are typing this. As am I. We are both real people. And yes, you do need help. Constant dissociation is really dificult, and manifests in different forms, could you maybe explain your symptoms so that we could think about strategies more centred around your specific dissociation (don't worry if you have loads or don't feel able to talk about it further, we can work around that).
Other things that may help is smelling a strong smell like vinegar or chilli. Sometimes that can bring you back (apparently, it's not worked for me). I find having someone talking to me, and often it will take hours (literally) for me to come back, but this seems to help me the most if they try to engage me. Usually I just have to wait it out, and this seemed to be the verdict when I was in a&e for it recently (long story), but from what you've said waiting it out isn't an option.
Could you draw pictures or write poems about how you're feeling? Sometimes that can help externalise what you're going through and make you feel more real. Also having a cold shower can help.
A little on grounding... try washing your hands, noticing how the cold water feels on your skin, how the soap feels, the texture of the towel. Name things, where are you? What is the colour of the floor? What sort of top are you wearing?
These sorts of things can help.
Keep talking to us, we're here for you.
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