I've lost the plot.
 

I went to the doctor recently, and she's referring me to my county's young adults' mental health service for dissociation amongst other things (self-harm, eating problems, self-image, obsessive-compulsive tendencies etc., all stemming from childhood abuse), which is a good thing because I've been having those problems for about 5 years.

The bad thing is that I woke up today and appear to have lost almost all grip on reality.

I've been constantly dissociated since I was about 11- which isn't that good- but it has never been as bad as this before (to my knowledge).

I honestly have no idea if this is real or not, and if I'm actually typing this.

I need help.

Heya,

I suffer from forms of dissociation too, it is such a hard fight, and it does sound like things are especially bad for you at the moment. Have people talked to you about basic coping strategies? I could email you a leaflet I have on grounding techniques, which is about making yourself aware of your surroundings and literally trying to stay in thsi world, as I call it.

I want you to know, you are typing this. As am I. We are both real people. And yes, you do need help. Constant dissociation is really dificult, and manifests in different forms, could you maybe explain your symptoms so that we could think about strategies more centred around your specific dissociation (don't worry if you have loads or don't feel able to talk about it further, we can work around that).

Other things that may help is smelling a strong smell like vinegar or chilli. Sometimes that can bring you back (apparently, it's not worked for me). I find having someone talking to me, and often it will take hours (literally) for me to come back, but this seems to help me the most if they try to engage me. Usually I just have to wait it out, and this seemed to be the verdict when I was in a&e for it recently (long story), but from what you've said waiting it out isn't an option.

Could you draw pictures or write poems about how you're feeling? Sometimes that can help externalise what you're going through and make you feel more real. Also having a cold shower can help.

A little on grounding... try washing your hands, noticing how the cold water feels on your skin, how the soap feels, the texture of the towel. Name things, where are you? What is the colour of the floor? What sort of top are you wearing?

These sorts of things can help.

Keep talking to us, we're here for you.

Thank you for replying :]

I wish I could believe you when you said that this is real.

I don't really know how to explain the symptoms, sorry- but I would really appreciate you emailing the leaflet to me!

I'm going to try some of the techniques you've posted, and see if they help.

Thanks again for replying, I really appreciate it.

Heya,

I've spent about five years arguing with therapists and such that things aren't real (or are real), so no worries there.

I've emailed you the leaflet (got your email off your profile). I would post it here but I'm worried about copyright etc, however if anyone would like a copy just email me for one (fallenrain@gmail.com)

Also, just to clarify, the leaflet is from a PTSD manual, it was given to me to cope with flashbacks BUT this is also used very effectively for some people for grounding back from dissociation, and in my dissociative crises it is what people have used.

Take care x

Oh, I'm looking forward to discussing that with a psychiatrist.

Thank you so much for emailing me- It'll be a massive help.

Thanks again. :]