Sorry its me again
But anyway, there's something happening at the moment with my dad and well its difficult. He's been accussed of um doing stuff to children
and it taking its toll on me. (its been going on since June now) I mean I don't believe he's innocent put it that way, this will sound bad but I don't doubt that he is capable of doing what he's done, and he's my father
. But yeah he might be getting a court date on the 25th which is good.
But he never did anything to me, but I get the same nightmare every night of him raping me. Its like its actually happening to me, not as another person's point of view. But when I wake up crying it hurts physically, like my wrists hurts from where in the dream he pinned me to the bed, and my stomach and 'down there' hurt but thats for obvious reasons
But its only a dream, but yet it hurts so much. Im going to tell my counsellor about it tomorrow becuase I haven't been sleeping much becuase im too scared to sleep. But its so clear this dream, I remember what he said to me, where the other people were (in the garden at the my nan's house) and where he did it, in his room, on his bed.
But its just a dream, so why does it hurt so much, I want it to stop. It causes me to SI becuase I'm scared, Infact the whole situation is the one of the reasons why I SI, to make the pain real, becuase I feel so numb..
Someone make it stop, please
anyone 
