Triggering (SI/Suicide) - Dear Mommy and Daddy, I am so sorry.
Dear Mommy and Daddy,
I am so sorry things have turned out this way. I never wanted any of this, and I know you guys didn't either. I can't control how I feel. I am so sorry I am tearing our family apart. I am so sorry I cause so much stress.. and tears.. I don't mean for any of it. I just want to be happy again. I am sorry you had to find out how I have been feeling. Don't feel like you guys are failing as parents, because you aren't. It is all my fault. I didn't see all I had and all I was blessed with. But it's to late now.. I am in too deep. When I told her about the suicidal thoughts, it was only because she asked. You guys cried so hard.. and I felt so bad.. I still feel so bad. Things got better for a few days because I knew you were scared. But now it is all coming back, and I am sinking into that dark place again. They should have put me in that hospital last week when I was on suicide watch. Mommy after that appointment you were driving me home and I compeltely freaked out. I am so sorry you had to see that. But it was the honest truth.. all the screams.. "I STILL WANT TO DIE" were truthful.. and they were coming from me. I don't want you guys to feel like it is your fault, because it is nobody but mine. I need help.. because what I am doing now is not working. I know you are trying but it is just out of your control. I can't do this anymore.. not to me.. or you both.. or my little sister. It isn't fair. And it's wrong. So I feel like i need to change it all. But then I feel like you guys would be completely crushed, and even suicidal yourselves. And I think that would be selfish of me to do that to you guys. I wish you could just let me get away.. go stay with a friend.. to clear my head and take a break. I'd be alright. I promise I would. But that's not an option.. and there aren't many left. All I can ask, is for you both to not feel guilty.. even though I blame you guys a lot, it is not your fault. I love you both.
love,
me
Hey,
What you wrote was really good. Are you going to give it you your mom and dad? I'm sorry about everything that's happening though.
If you ever need to talk PM me.
*hugs*
Kayla
Why try to help, when it will never work?
It's hard to tell the truth, but it's easy to lie.
Don't know how much longer this will last..hopefully not long.
i'm glad you're not holding resentment against your parents, or at least trying not to, that kind of thing isn't healthy. hang on honey. it sounds like your parents are reacting the best way they can, work with them, it'll be good for the both of you.
just keep swimming, and AIM/PM me if you'd like.
"I wanted to black out the future as well as the past. I wanted to hurt myself and everyone who had hurt me."
Its a good letter, I hope that your parents will understand.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
That letter left me in tears. It was so emotive.
If you feel it is the right thing to do, hand it to your parents; maybe they will understand what you are going through.
Wow hunni. That letter literally brought me to tears. I felt the same way when my parents found out about the SI and suicidal thoughts. I know you are probably really nervouse about letting them read the letter but maybe it will help? Your not alone. Keep holding on.
=) *Hugs* PM me anytime if you would like to talk.
~~SW~~
**~~When night falls on me, I'll not close my eyes, I'm to alive, and you're to strong~~**
**~~ If you feel alone, or just want someone to care, I will. PM ME and I will LISTEN~~**
