So yesterday I rang up Southampton Rape Crisis Centre & asked for more information about their therapy group meeting for survivors of Childhood Abuse. They said they would have a place for me if it was deemed suitable & that they'd call within the next couple of days.
Today I get a massive letter through the post with like a 10 page questionnaire.
I can't do it. Even though it's stuff like "what are your hobbies" or whatever, I can't.
Encouragement needed. I'm so scared. I know I need to keep trying to work through this and this is one of the best ways to do it from my pov but help help HELP.
The only person who I'd trust enough just left to go home, although I'm sure I'll have him on the other end of the phone.
I'm freaking out about this quite badly, and I have to go to work/drop off my car to get the brake lights re-fitted and ohnoes.
I'm going home this weekend to see my sister [it was her birthday on Wednesday] so I reckon I'll like, take it apart, take a few pages [it's like 10 pages long] of the stuff I can do to do at home, and then when I get back do the other half or something.
It's not whether you can do it, If you really want help then YOU HAVE TO DO IT!
This might be your only chance for help, don't let it slip by.
We all get scared to do things but the best thing is to just sit down right away....do it and get it over with.
Everything will work out in the end.
Take care and good luck
Doing form and it asks about people outside immediate family who are important [i.e. grandparents] and i just started crying.
I miss my Nan so ****ing much.
The rape part of this is easy. I'm so good at detatching any emotion from it now that I can talk about it 'til I'm blue in the face and not feel anything [I know this isn't good, but yeah].
It's when it talks about "who is important in your life"; who influenced you the most, etc etc etc.
& Matthew, okay, when I DO talk about the rape, 90% of the time it's completely detached from it, with no emotion in it at all. Maybe not to you, because I only talk to you about it if I'm having a complete freak out, but if I say, went to tell my friends about it [which I have done] I just completely shut off from it, and tell it as if it happened to someone else.
Yes, it's part of PTSD. ((gentle hug)) I have similar connected with the bullying et al. It takes time and a lot of gentleness to connect with the feelings.
You're a whole person, with a past and relationships that have impacted upon you, and this interconnects with how you're effected by further trauma and abuse.
Uh, I don't feel I'm putting it into words very well, although I do know what I mean...
You're taking a bit step,and should be really proud of yourself.
It's hard. It's stupidly hard and somethings are going to hit you in the face without you realising. It'll be tiring on all sorts of levels.
But.
It'll help beyond measure to get sorted.
Like someone said, Sarah maybe? (sorry if it's not!) take it a question at a time. Baby steps lead to good things!
I love you, and I'm back (oh yes) so I'm here for you, anytime you need me.
xxx
"Watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."
