Ohgodohgodohgod. Rape therapy. :|
 

So yesterday I rang up Southampton Rape Crisis Centre & asked for more information about their therapy group meeting for survivors of Childhood Abuse. They said they would have a place for me if it was deemed suitable & that they'd call within the next couple of days.

Today I get a massive letter through the post with like a 10 page questionnaire.

I can't do it. Even though it's stuff like "what are your hobbies" or whatever, I can't.

Encouragement needed. I'm so scared. I know I need to keep trying to work through this and this is one of the best ways to do it from my pov but help help HELP.

This makes it more real for you, it sounds like. And that can be frightening.

What would help? Is there someone who could sit with you while you fill it out?

The only person who I'd trust enough just left to go home, although I'm sure I'll have him on the other end of the phone.

I'm freaking out about this quite badly, and I have to go to work/drop off my car to get the brake lights re-fitted and ohnoes.

I'm going home this weekend to see my sister [it was her birthday on Wednesday] so I reckon I'll like, take it apart, take a few pages [it's like 10 pages long] of the stuff I can do to do at home, and then when I get back do the other half or something.

You can do this Chels.

Just do a question at a time, take it slow.

You can do this chelsey, I have faith in you.

It's not whether you can do it, If you really want help then YOU HAVE TO DO IT!
This might be your only chance for help, don't let it slip by.
We all get scared to do things but the best thing is to just sit down right away....do it and get it over with.
Everything will work out in the end.
Take care and good luck

I re-read the front page, and it said that I don't have to fill in any bits I can't/don't want to; but the more I fill in the more they can help.

So; basically, I'm going to answer everything, even if it's just a number [i.e. age it started - 14], but try to write more than that for most of it.

Linda, Katherine, Sarah and Andrea - thank you.

*cuddles you*

I'm really glad you're getting support for it. It'll be hard and scary but just do what you can. You're so strong and I know you can do it.

I'm always here for you.

Good for you.
Give us a yell if you need a hand processing any of it.

Doing form and it asks about people outside immediate family who are important [i.e. grandparents] and i just started crying.

I miss my Nan so ****ing much.







The rape part of this is easy. I'm so good at detatching any emotion from it now that I can talk about it 'til I'm blue in the face and not feel anything [I know this isn't good, but yeah].

It's when it talks about "who is important in your life"; who influenced you the most, etc etc etc.

^^^^^^^^actually thats complete bullshit.

The PROBLEM is you CANT talk about the rape at all. Thats why no one knows. Thats why its taken all this time.

Linda is 100% right. This is important. If you WANT the help then you are going to have to fill in this form and give it your absolute all.

Remember what i said about prioritising.

They've given me about half a side of A4 to talk about my parents.

I have a feeling I might need more space than that...

I really am trying. I just wasn't expecting it to bring up emotions not related to the rape, and it's kinda hit me.

& Matthew, okay, when I DO talk about the rape, 90% of the time it's completely detached from it, with no emotion in it at all. Maybe not to you, because I only talk to you about it if I'm having a complete freak out, but if I say, went to tell my friends about it [which I have done] I just completely shut off from it, and tell it as if it happened to someone else.

Which, apparently, is a sign of PTSD. Heh.

Then i apologise. I wont mention it again.

Yes, it's part of PTSD. ((gentle hug)) I have similar connected with the bullying et al. It takes time and a lot of gentleness to connect with the feelings.

You're a whole person, with a past and relationships that have impacted upon you, and this interconnects with how you're effected by further trauma and abuse.
Uh, I don't feel I'm putting it into words very well, although I do know what I mean...

*nods in agreence*

*holds you hand* do it a bit at a time...dont push yourself.. reward yourself when its done.

You're taking a bit step,and should be really proud of yourself.
It's hard. It's stupidly hard and somethings are going to hit you in the face without you realising. It'll be tiring on all sorts of levels.
But.
It'll help beyond measure to get sorted.

Like someone said, Sarah maybe? (sorry if it's not!) take it a question at a time. Baby steps lead to good things!

I love you, and I'm back (oh yes) so I'm here for you, anytime you need me.

xxx

Chelsea as stated in the PM you know exactly what i meant by what i said.

So i hope no one thinks im some sort of heartless bullying git but chelsea knows what i was on about.

x

Nobody, speshally me, thinks you're a "heartless bullying git" at all.

If it wasn't for you I wouldn't have had the final push to get me to do this at all.

Ash - nomnomnom. Missed youuuu.

Mimi, can I PM you?