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just when i thought i was going to hit bottom, i surrender myself to freedom
SO things have been tough. Just like it has for everyone else. I was 2 months behind on the house, bills unltold also overdue. Husband yelling.
I upset the kids the other night when i told them everything was going to be ok, even if it meant mom wasnt going to be home.
I didnt know what to do but give up.
I drove for hours after making my last post. I was trying to figure out where, how, how and where to just let go of who I am.
I have a job. My husband has a job. stupid ways of life caught up to us. They doubled my house note to cover taxes (which yes i forgot to pay).
After a very long night of crying NOT CUTTING and putting pen to paper i drove and found places where i could possibly work. Second job. Its the least I could do for my family. And doing something extra means keeping my mind (and hands) off the cutting or suicide.
I went yesterday morning with a portfolio full of resumes. didnt come home for 6 hours.
This morning, I get a call... be here at 11:30 for a FORMAL INTERVIEW!!!
Guess what, I got it. 30 hours a week. $8.00 an hour!!!! most of the hours are on the weekend when i am doing nothing!!! I see a way out. I DO.
I know I have been in a see future mode before...but spending time occupied, making money, keeping family together (but getting a good break form you know who) Awesome.
I used my head this time. And even more fun is that it is at a huge camping and sports store!!! I love it!
Sorry to have acted like a child and stepped away, i just had to surrender!!!
Thank you,
love kisses,
Rain
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