well done bec
you've gone and done it.
all these years of trying to do yourself in and you've gone and done it , and now you have to live with it.
Constant pain, at least until the surgery. Spine doesn't appreciate being thrown off tall structures- you'd think that'd be obvious, but its not something you really think about at the time.
I've been doing ok. Not self injured for a while, but i'm flirting with the old friend again. I think the problem persists that i don't have another coping mechanism. its either all or nothing. and ye, i drink , i smoke, but its all one in the same to me, its never about having a good time.
my back is in a mess. needs surgery to fix, can be fixed so its not the end of the world, but , i do risk paralysis in getting the surgery.
Also have to go in for another op on my teeth. Years of abuse did them no favours.
I often feel a lot older than i am, but realistically i'm 20.
20, looking at potential paralysis, and dentures, not to mention all of the other ****, before you get to the psychological side of things.
so...i'm feeling down. woe is me and all that jack. don't even know why i'm posting when its more of a whine than anything. i just feel very lonely in all of this. isolated.
i don't even know whats been keeping me going the last few months, i've not really been with it , and if i try to think back, i can't say i really remember a lot of it ....
i've kind of lost my muse now so i'm gonna shush...take care all and, again, thanks for listening
