body dysphoria vs gender dysphoria *possible ed trigger?*

[kona]

didn't really know where to put this so sorry if it's in the wrong place >.>

So I've been struggling with this question for a long time.

The following content has been hidden - Reason : possible ed trigger

I've never really been happy with my body. I've always been rather overweight, not really helped by my parents love for good food, and lots of it.

So i've never really been happy with how i look or been comfortable in what would be considered 'girly' clothing. I've hidden behind jeans and tshirts for as long as i can remember and not really taken much pride in my appearance. even as a teen, I wouldn't get as involved in the girly things like hair and makeup and talking about boys and such like would make me really uncomfortable. Since i worked out I'm gay, that sort of made sense. but the feelings extended much further than that. I felt much more comfortable in the general company of guys. I left the girl guide movement and joined scouts and turned into a regular tomboy. but even that doesn't feel like enough.

My body doesn't feel right. I'm not sure if it is my weight or if I am transgendered. And i cant work out how i can separate the two...
Does any one have any experience with this? or any advice on what i should do about it?

thanks in advance for any advice

[PaleMoon]

I do, very much. I'm a trans guy who used to have an ED.

What exactly bothers you about your body? Do you feel like a deeper voice, more body hair, fewer curves, etc. would make you happier? Does it make you happy to be called "he," to be referred to in male ways (boyfriend, buddy, etc.). Remember it just fine to be a girl who likes boy things, or a boy who likes girl things.

Unfortunately, I can't exactly tell you if you're transgender. Only you can say that for sure.

For me personally, I recovered from my ED before realizing I was trans. I recovered from my ED, and thought of myself as beautiful. But it was strange. I would look so beautiful, but something still felt off. I would put on makeup, and feel alienated from myself, which I found frustrating because I was supposed to feel great about myself now.

Once I came out to myself and my girlfriend (who is a trans girl) and started to transition, it all felt so right. That is the only word for it: Right. So you may have to experiment a bit and find out what's right for you.

Full gender transition is expensive, takes a lot of resources and tends to strain your personal relationships. There are also limits; there are things that it can't do for your body. I don't mean to scare you, I just mean to say it's worth taking the time to find out what's right for you. For example, you do not have to have surgery or hormones right away. I am pre-op, and delaying my physical transition until I have children.

Take care. If you have any further questions that are too personal for this thread, PM me :).

[kona]

Quote:

Originally Posted by PaleMoon

What exactly bothers you about your body? Do you feel like a deeper voice, more body hair, fewer curves, etc. would make you happier? Does it make you happy to be called "he," to be referred to in male ways (boyfriend, buddy, etc.).

I do tend to use a lower voice tone than my female friends and have been confused for my dad on the phone. I hate it when my voice does squeak on occasion and try to avoid it as much as possible.

I'm into cosplay quite a bit and I much prefer cosplaying guys over girls. I suppose it does make me happy when i get called 'sir' and 'he' when i'm binding and such and i did bind full time for a while (before i broke a rib doing so unsafely. never doing that again).


Thanks for your advice. I notice you're from the US. I'm from the UK so it might be different, but how did you start transitioning? I've spoken to a few friends about it and my mum the majority of whom are supportive although there are a few in particular who refuse to use any given name i might choose or male pronouns. Which is frustrating...

[PaleMoon]

It can be very frustrating when people will not use the name or pronouns that you wish. Patience is key. It's a huge adjustment for everyone, and they may not see how important it is to you at first.

Here in the US, we have health insurance, which does not pay for any transition-related healthcare. Generally, you first need to be seen by a gender therapist, which may be covered by insurance here. If your therapist feels that you need it, they will write a letter to an endocrinologist (a doctor who specializes in hormones) who will prescribe you testosterone. If you want to have gender-related surgery, your endocrinologist and your gender therapist will have to write a letter to the surgeon you choose. One letter for chest surgery, two letters for genital surgery. Somewhere in between all of this, you will need to have a RLT (Real-Life Test) where you live full-time as male for a year or two.

I cannot afford any of this, hence why I am pre-op. I saw the process through my girlfriend, who is post-op.

If you would really like to, legally changing your name (at least over here) doesn't require any gatekeeping. You just file the necessary paperwork and appear in court. If you are a minor, any legal/medical things are complicated because your parents have to sign for everything.

This is the NHS site about their gender-dysphoria-related services: http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Gender-...Treatment.aspx

I'm sorry you had to find out the hard way about binding unsafely. A custom-fit binder that is designed for breast-binding is necessary if you really want to do it full-time. Other things to keep in mind: Take days off from binding when you won't be going out, and never wear it to bed.

And you're welcome. There are so few of us trans people, we like to help each other out :).

[kona]

I tried using an underworks binder that i got from Amazon UK, its a full torso tanktop type but i ended up wearing it for nearly 20 hours because we were filming all day. I'm going to make a custom one for myself that just covers my chest area and doesn't go down my ribs and see how that works.

Again thanks for your help. Have you got any other general advice that could be useful? I feel like i'm kind of swimming in loads of questions that i dont know how to word at the moment >.<

[PaleMoon]

8 hours, 10 at the absolute maximum is a good rule of thumb for how long you should wear a binder at one time. Remember you are compressing vital organs like your heart and lungs, not just your breasts. More broken ribs put you at risk for pneumonia (because you cannot expand your chest fully), and damaging your chest more may make you physically unable to bind. Try that smaller binder and see if that helps.

And it is completely normal to have lots of questions that elude you. It has taken me about 7 months just to become comfortable in my male identity, name and pronouns, untangle my fears and figure out what I wanted. This isn't a small thing, and shouldn't be treated as such. Furthermore, being transgender in this culture, there simply aren't words for many of our experiences.

Here are some words that may help:

Cisgender: A person who is not trans; a person who feels basically comfortable in the gender they were assigned at birth.

Non-op: A transgender person who chooses not to have surgery or hormones.

Gender euphoria: The feelings of intense happiness, well-being, and/or comfort a trans person feels while doing or experiencing their preferred gender-related things (like being called sir, wearing women's clothes, etc.).

One thing to also keep in mind: Gender transition is about transitioning to being you, not anyone else. So there is no one way to transition, because there is no one "transsexual."

[Leo Pard]

I can only echo what has already been said. I will add that here in the UK it is a longer process.
Go to the gp who then will send you to a psych who then will hopefully say you don't have any psychiatric problems affecting your gender identity and the send you back to the GP who will send you to the GIC (the waiting list at the moment is 6 months). You go to them and they have a long talk, send you away to come back in like 3/4 months to see someone else, then you MIGHT get T. If not, I expect it would be another 3/4 months for another appointment. Then it's a year until they talk about chest surgery, then another 2 years for bottom surgery or whatever (if you want it). It's a long process.
I'm waiting on my second appointment at the moment so don't really know any more, I got reffered in like January and my GP skipped out the psych step because I got discharged from them last year.

At this stage, I suggest the you sit down and do some serious thinking. Going to the GP and having a chat or something might help.

[PaleMoon]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Femme Fatale

I can only echo what has already been said. I will add that here in the UK it is a longer process.
Go to the gp who then will send you to a psych who then will hopefully say you don't have any psychiatric problems affecting your gender identity and the send you back to the GP who will send you to the GIC (the waiting list at the moment is 6 months). You go to them and they have a long talk, send you away to come back in like 3/4 months to see someone else, then you MIGHT get T. If not, I expect it would be another 3/4 months for another appointment. Then it's a year until they talk about chest surgery, then another 2 years for bottom surgery or whatever (if you want it). It's a long process.
I'm waiting on my second appointment at the moment so don't really know any more, I got reffered in like January and my GP skipped out the psych step because I got discharged from them last year.

At this stage, I suggest the you sit down and do some serious thinking. Going to the GP and having a chat or something might help.

Technically they're longer waiting periods, but whether transitioning takes longer in the US or UK depends on a lot of factors.

Over here, we may get to see a gender therapist right away, and get an endocrinologist as soon as possible, but what if we have no insurance or can't afford it? SRS is strictly out-of-pocket, and generally costs around $30,000. That's not including aftercare, hormones, etc. For my girlfriend, it was 6 years from choosing her name (her first step) to SRS (her last step), and hers was unusually quick.

Wherever you are, it takes patience and dedication.

[talaiporia]

One plus of being in the UK, not to be blunt, is that the NHS will help support you through this (although that's debatable sometimes) so if you want to do it, it's more about the physical/emotion impact rather than financial.

It is a hard, hard process if you decided to do it, but if you are that unhappy, it may well be worth it.

But back to the original post, I think your question was body dysphoria vs gender dysphoria, and whether you had one/either/both. Obviously, you ought to see a doctor/therapist/psych to assess you and help you decide (because we can't diagnose over the internet) but would you like to talk a little more about what's going on for you right now?

[kona]

Thanks for all the replies guys, I didn't really think I'd get any so this is awesome =]

I dont really know whats going on right now if i'm being honest. My problem is have no one i can really talk to about anything in my friendship/support group because noone really understands. I came out as Trans to some/most of my close friends about 2 years ago i think but nothing really since then because of college/uni/life got in the way. The more i mull it over the more i ask myself am i being stupid about it, but i always come back to the same confusion, i'm more comfortable when i'm seen as/acting like/referred to as male. but part of me (all be it a small part, but that small part always seems to be quite loud) keeps asking me if the reason for that is because theres a lot less expected of men and am i just looking for an easy way out (ie, not having to shave legs/arms/general upkeep of things (all of which i very rarely do anyway but still))

It all just seems very confusing...

[Scaredy-cat]

Have you considered trying tomfind some other trans people to talk to im real life, a support group or something?

[talaiporia]

I think it's worth seeing your GP and saying you have identity issues and you would like to see a counsellor/someone to discuss it.

I think the fact that you prefer being called male means it's not purely laziness/body image issues, and there is some gender identity stuff going on that perhaps talking it through with a specialist might help clarify things for you.

I don't know if this helps you at all (or if it just generates more questions).

[Leo Pard]

Quote:

Originally Posted by PaleMoon

Technically they're longer waiting periods, but whether transitioning takes longer in the US or UK depends on a lot of factors.

I know. I was just giving an example.

[kona]

Thanks for the advice guys, its been really helpful. Once my foots better and I can get around better on my own, I'm going to try and get to see my GP. Not quite sure what I'm going to tell them yet, but i suppose its a start...

Thanks again guys