No real place for this thread *possible trigger???*

[~*forever_broken*~]

Reflecting on the last comment my friend Quiet left in my most recent thread I was again struck by the realization that we are very good at giving advice but not so good at heading our own (Quiet, luv, this is not so much you -you may be very good at taking your own advice-). Quiet has made some very good points and I was thinking that, were the situation flipped, if it was her thread and I was responding I would probably be saying much the same thing.

I'm curious as to whether or not anyone has any thoughts as to why this might be. Why we say one thing to others, honestly believe it to be true... and yet we have such a hard time believing it when it comes to our own experience.

No worries if there are no responses, I'll delete the thread if I haven't heard from anyone so as not to take up more space than necessary.

Ally

[~phoenix~]

I for one am terrible for not heeding my advice. I've been able to stop two friends from becoming triggered, yet when it comes to myself... no chance.

And as for domestic abuse? Everytime I try to encourage someone to leave, I find myself screaming hypocrite at myself. I forgave my ex countless times before I left him. How can I advise someone to leave a relationship when I was so naive myself? I know I let him eventually, but even that wasn't for me. Probably the reason I'm so crap at advice right now

[CrazyHayley]

No idea why this is, but I can indeed say that I have given out many 'words of wisdom' over the years and truely meant them, and yet somehow I don't seem to think that they apply to myself when I'm saying them. Perhaps just because our own measure of self worth is so low? hmmm.....

[~*forever_broken*~]

*hugs Kim*

First off your baby is ADORABLE

Second, domestic abuse, like all these other things we can't seem to get away from, is a HARD thing to even admit to. Add to that the fact that most abusers are skilled manipulators who try and make you think it is your fault, who apologize and promise it will never happen again. They can be quite convincing. I am very glad to hear that you got out.

Hayley~

Quote:

Originally Posted by CrazyHayley

Perhaps just because our own measure of self worth is so low? hmmm.....

OH! That's a good point, great way to put it Very wise

[~phoenix~]

Thanks Ally. He is, isn't he! :D

And Hayley, that's definitely a valid point *nods*

[Tautology]

When I look at someone elses life, I can look at it objectivly. When I look at my own life, I am so caught up in my own delusions that I don't want to believe that what I need to do is what I need to do. Also, most of the time the right thing to do is the hardest...

[hope.is.overrated]

I guess it's because it's when it's about someone else's problem we are objective and when it's about us, well, we are subjective...

I gave a lot of advices (not only in RYL) to people who was going through the same situation as me and I thought to myself "if they followed my advice, why I don't do the same?" To make me feel even worse, some of them got better, and as for myself, I am stuck and have no idea how to make the first step to get out of the trap I put myself into...

I am not saying that you guys are like this...but, in my case, maybe it's because I'm weak and have a low self esteem and don't have much energy to do something to get better, to change the ugly situation I am in...

(maybe after this, everybody will ignore my advices)

[Quiet]

LOL I take no offense, dear. And I do completely suck at taking my own advice. My hope is that in giving my friends advice I will someday look at it and decide that I deserve to take it as well! Emphasis on the "someday". Strange though. I almost always think that other people deserve good things, and deserve to think highly of themselves and live happy lives. But I never think that I do. Sound familiar?
xo
Q

[~*forever_broken*~]

I'm liking this discussion. You all are saying things very similar to my ideas about this. I wonder... surely not everyone has such problems... is it unique to those of us with mental illness? Why is it we can believe these things, realize the value of others, of people in general, and not see it in ourselves? I liked, Michelle, your use of objective and subjective... I think that says it well. I also think that you will have no problems getting others to take your advice. It sounds like you, along with the others (and myself) who have posted here dispense good advice We just can't take it to heart when it comes to ourselves.

Thanks, guys for posting your thoughts on this idea. Keep it up, I'm loving this thread

Take care, all

Ally

[hope.is.overrated]

Quote:

Originally Posted by ~*forever_lost*~

I wonder... surely not everyone has such problems... is it unique to those of us with mental illness? Why is it we can believe these things, realize the value of others, of people in general, and not see it in ourselves? Ally

I don't know if this only happens to us, who have mental illness
But, again in my case, maybe it's because my disorder (I don't know), but I see things in a distorted way...it tends to blur and cloud the view I have about me (at least it was what my former therapist said) . I always tell people they are worthy, they deserve to be happy and to have good things in life and all, but when it's about me I don't feel like that...sometimes I feel like I deserve to be in this situation, that I don't deserve to be helped and that I am not supposed to get better and I don't deserve to be normal and healthy, that I wasn't made to be happy. I usually think that everything bad that happened to me it was my fault, I had it coming and I am good for nothing... (deep down I know it's true)

[jess :)]

probably because your ideas can sound good but when you're actually in the situation it's so much harder to take