Dealing with Social Anxiety Disorder

[Tragic.With.A.Capital.T]

I have been to see a couple of councellors over the years for help in dealing with what I'm sure is Social Anxiety Disorder and every one of them has brushed me off as being overly shy - something that I'll eventually learn to deal with.

It goes without saying that I haven't learnt to deal with it.

All my life I've felt an unhealthy level of fear when faced with social situations. It effects everything in my life. I even find it difficult to leave the house sometimes because I might just see someone who will expect me to talk to them. If I am ever unexpectedly thrown into a social situation, I clam up. My palms get sweaty, my head spins and my heart beats so hard it hurts. I've had people (one of my closest friends, my mum etc.) tell me that the only thing I can do is just deal with it and pretend that it doesn't bother me... I've been doing that all my life and it's getting to the point where I need to get over this.

I've just started volunteering at a PDSA shop and my anxiety is making it almost impossible to enjoy it. I'm never going to be able to get or hold down a job if I can't get past my fear.

I was just wondering if anyone else here suffers with Social Anxiety and what options there are out there to help. What do you do when faced with social situations?Any tips?

[whirlpools]

I have social anxiety (I don't think I'm formally diagnosed, in fact, I doubt it, but it was suggested to me by a psychiatrist many years ago). The thing I fear the most is trying to find things to talk about, especially with people I don't know. If I do manage to find something to talk about (which is difficult as I'm usually too busy panicking about it) I'll criticise myself for sounding 'ridiculous' for days afterwards. When I'm out I also tend to think that people are staring or laughing at me (which to be fair is sometimes true!)

A lot of people fing CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) very useful for social anxiety, so it might be worth going to your GP and asking for a referral specifically for CBT, or seeking it privately if you can afford it as in some places waiting lists can be quite long.

http://www.anxietyuk.org.uk/ This website has useful and comprehensive information and support ideas for all different anxiety disorders, and this book is one that a number of RYL-ers have found useful in understanding and tackling anxiety.

[Tragic.With.A.Capital.T]

That's exactly how I am. I end up saying things I think 'normal' people would say, just to disguise the fact that I'm so uncomfortable, and then I'll spend forever ridiculing myself for sounding so weird. It's gotten to the point where I can't understand how people can carry out perfectly normal conversations with others. I hate being seen as shy... you can't shut me up around people I've known forever, I think that's one of the worst things about this.

I'll definitely get myself an appointment as soon as I can to talk to my GP about it. Although therapy isn't the most ideal choice for me, I think it's going to be the only way through this :)

Oh, and thanks for the link to the Anxiety UK website, it was very useful :)

[Serendipity.]

Hey, I can relate a lot. I really struggle with social anxiety as well, and have done for most of my life. It isn't something that I've grown out of and it's difficult when people seem to expect that you should. But it is something I'm learning to deal with and although I still come across as really shy a lot of the time, I can do things now that would have seemed impossible not that long ago. I don't spend so much time beating myself up for saying the 'wrong thing' and I'm more able to talk to people without freaking out. So there is hope!

CBT was really helpful for me, and I know a lot of other people also find it very useful so I think asking your GP for a referral is a really good idea. Also, there are things that you can try independently; I wouldn't say they should be used instead of actual therapy but might be useful alongside it or while you're waiting for a referral to come through. I found the book 'Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness' by Gillian Butler fairly helpful, and there are online CBT programmes you can try. ecouch was recommended to me for social anxiety. I never really got into it so I can't say how good it is but it might be worth a look.

I've found it useful to keep pushing myself to do things that I'm scared of. It can be really difficult and I have had to accept the fact that sometimes - okay, a lot of the time - it's going to make me feel rubbish at first but that it is worth it. Starting with the smaller things and working up can be better than throwing yourself in the deep end. It sounds like you're already doing that, with starting volunteering and such. That's really great, and I hope you're able to keep doing it. Instead of focusing on how hard it is to enjoy it because of the anxiety, if you can try to remind yourself how great it is that you're even doing it. That really is an achievement and you should be proud of yourself. And chances are, if you keep doing it, it will get easier and less anxiety-provoking and then maybe you'll feel ready to try something else challenging. I have found volunteering really helpful; there have been times I've walked home in tears because I felt completely useless and hardly said anything. But it's easier now and I'm glad I've pushed myself to keep doing it.

I'm really sorry for rambling! Really just wanted to say that I understand some of what you're going through, and it's awful, so I really hope things get easier for you. Take care of yourself.

[HopeRises]

One of the many 'diagnoisis' I have recieved was 'social anxiety but as my therapist/psych got to know me I think they changed there mind. I was very socially anxious in my late teens. I wouldn't go out with friends, I was terrified to get a job due to bad past experience and I was scared of a lot of things outside. Like people smoking/doing drugs around me..so I wouldn't go outside. I didn't like using the phone etc etc.

I done two courses of CBT, the first course got me using the phone and helped me to deal more with going out then I 'relapsed' stopped doing the things that scared/challenged me and got scared again. The second course was basically a kick up my arse, reminding me I can do these things etc.

I wouldn't say now that I have social anxiety. Sometimes I feel awkward..but doesn't everyone?

Take small steps. Fighting the fear is really the only thing in my experience that worked. I just had to do it. After my first course of CBT I held down a job for a year and then decided to move to france for the summer and did that (and mostly it was ok) Then ended up unemployed (one of the reasons I slipped back) Then things started to go badly wrong again.

I am now back in employement, I do voluntary work with my sister (to help her with her Anxiety) so it IS possible to get past the difficult bit and hold down a job, a college course, whatever you want to do really.

I think the fact that you've started voluntary work is a great thing. Did you start this on your own accord or did you get help finding it? I think going to the GP would be a good idea. There are lots of charities and companies that help people with mental health problems/anxieties. Mind for example run groups in certain areas. I also got referred although didn't end up using 'Richmond fellowship' Which offer a job club/support in work service.
So going to your GP is a good idea, even if you don't want a therapist because there are other options out there and he/she should hopefully be able to point you to them.

Good luck!

[Sennoma]

Hey everybody, I just wanted to let you all know that I can relate on a great level. I was recently diagnosed with Anxiety NOS, though I don't necessarily agree with it.

I don't exactly have anything productive to add to this thread; I really just wanted to make myself known. Thank you for sharing with everyone.

[Tragic.With.A.Capital.T]

Thank you to everyone who's taken the time to reply :)

I've been feeling really positive... like I'm ready to get out there and actually beat this thing instead of just sitting at home on my own, waiting for it to go away.

I doubt I'll be feeling as good as this tomorrow before work, but at least it's something :P

[kona]

I have social anxiety though, like you, its been hidden under the radar for many years. Why would someone who's social anxious get up on stage, right?

My main tip is, whenever i feel the snow ball rolling, i try and take a step back from it and think, 'was it really all that bad?' some times it helps, sometimes it doesn't.
When it comes to other people, dont try too hard to find things to talk about. if you're with a group of people, chances are its for a reason. if its a party, comment on the music, the drinks (but stay away from " oh my god i've never been so drunk!"), if its a group of mates going to the cinema, talk about the film etc etc. Its hard at first, but eventually you'll get used to it.
When it comes to customers at work, my only advice is smile and be honest. If something goes wrong, smile, apologise and move on with the next thing. Honesty goes down well with people, if you admit you've made a mistake, people are a lot more forgiving.

Hope i've helped a little

[Kimaru]

I haven't been diagnosed with social anxiety but I can defineatly relate. I find it helps me to have someone push me to do the things I'm uncomfortable with. My mom usually gives me no other option than making that phone call, going to that job interview or whatever else it is that I'm worried about. However my mom usually gets angry at me for having such a hard time doing everyday things which doesn't really help, so you may want to ask someone who's fairly understanding to give you support. I'm not really focused right now so thats the best I can do for a reply.