1. List the ways that you self-harm
Cutting, burning, biting skin, wound interferance (not letting them heal basically), ODing, alcohol abuse, and ED behaviours
2. How do these behaviors help you survive?
I gues they help me survive as the act as a distraction... they don't help me live though, just to survive, to exist from one day to the next. Mainly it is a distraction, but sometimes it can be a way of not putting my "stuff" onto others, I just take it out on myself instead, so that I don't hurt or upset other people... and there is sometimes a degree of punishment in there too... and sometimes I just feel so dirty and contaminated that it seems the only way to become "clean"... It all seems to depend on the situration
3. How does this behavior give me a sense of control?
Because it's something that I do, something I do despite what others say or tell me... in everything else exist to please others, to do as I am told, but in this I can feel free to do as I wish
4. How/Why does this behavior release endorphins (the happy factor) and make me feel better?
I'm not sure that it does... from a biological perpsective it will do, but I don't do it for that an after this many years I've probably built-up a tollerrance anyway
5. How does this behavior give me revenge?
Hmm.... for a while I wondered if I did it for revenge on the abusers, but now I don't think that that is the case.
6. How does this behavior punish me?
I am bad = I get hurt
7. When and why did you start this behavior?
A long long time ago... I first did it while my parents were having an argument, I think I felt that I caused it so if I was quiet and never spoke about anything "bad" then they would not argue so I started to harm whenever I felt bad (not helped by my step-dads attitude of emotions being weak I guess)
8. How/Why does this behavior bring me affection, care, or emotional closure? (How does it comfort you? if this applies)
Not sure if it applies... I guess sometimes when I do take care of the sounds it's sort of a self-comfort type thing
Copy and paste this section, delete the lines that do not apply to you, leaving only the ones that do:
I want to show that I own my body
I want to express my rage at myself
I hate myself
I want to distract myself from other pain
I want to numb my feelings
I want to cleanse myself
I want to somehow atone for my sins
I want to express my shame
I am taking over where my abuser left off
I am retaliating against myself for telling secrets
I am trying to bring my emotions under control
I am trying to manage my flashbacks/memories
I am trying to buy myself time by focusing attention on physical rather than emotional pain
Now, think about your reason(s) for harming, list 3-5 things you could do instead.
1. Go for a walk
2. Go to the gym
3. Read a book
Which of the following are true for you? (Again delete the ones that do not apply for you)
I need to be punished for what I did
It just shows how bad a person I am
It keeps people away
The scars are there for a reason, they remind me of my shame/need for punishment
FINALLY! I'm adding one more question to this list, what stage are you on in the 6 stages of recovery?
About 3 I think... not really sure seems to vary each day lol
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