the whole trauma thing is the reason I keep doubting my diagnosis... I have no memory (well almost no memory) before the age of 15 so I don't know if anything happened... I get "flashes" from before then, but they make no sense, and the bits I do remember although bad don't seem bed enough to cause this.
I went through a fair few diagnosis's before dissocition was even mentioned, but even after that it was just sort of pushed to one side as none of the psychs seemed to know what to do about it and all thought that if they delt with the other issues it would just disapear on its own.
When I first saw a dissociaition specialist last year he said it was unusual for me to know as much of my system as I did (I only knew of Sarah and Jess then, and Jack (my partner) knew of Michelle) and even then I had to see him and my regular psych for a fair amount of time before they gave the DID diagnosis, apparently they had to witness switching which obviously isn't exactly something that can be forced or even predicted.
Once they had witnessed it then they started trying to actively cause it, they said that the faster we learnt of each other the faster we could work together. This really did not go well though and in the end I asked to be referred.
But now it seems that as that diagnosis is on my file noone wants to treat me... It was hard enough to get and then keep a psych before when DDNOS was on my file, now it seems to be actually impossible.
But ye on the trauma thing, I never feel that my trauma was
bad enough even been told by psychs that it wasn't, in face one psych told me that it was all my fault and so I was never abused at all. I know to a degree every mind is different ansd so some will fragmate other less than others, but still my stuff doesn't seem anywhere near bad enough... WHich is why when DDNOS was first suggested to me I didn't tell anyone, only started to speak about it when it looked like it was going to change to DID but then was so scared of being seen as a fake that I lied to everyone to make it sound as if the dissociaition had only just been noticed
basically I'm confused and think I've messed things up right now
Part of me wonders is people on this thread are sort of almost triggering each other, maybe even to the post of sub-coniously sort of creating new names, etc. out of some feeling of not being bad enough or trying to keep up with the number of others names... Or something, I'm really not explaining this well...