you have nothing to be sorry for... he's the one in the wring...
you're not going to make him ill... I used to think similar with my abuser... he was deressed and hear voices and stuff, and told me I'd caused it... I was scared of what he'd do (possibly to himself) if I didn't do what he wanted...
but it's not true... he's emotionally blackmailing you, manipulating you... he is in the wrong...
a "good f***" cures nothing and doesn't "sort people out"... and you doing what he wants isn't going to make him "better" or cure him of depression... you didn't cause it... there is NOTHING that you could have done to deserve what he's doing to you
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