Triggering (SI/OD) - Destroy Everything You Touch

[TinkerDebs]

i'm so damn sorry for posting this - but i'm in a bit of trouble at this moment in time
things had been okISH today - and when i was trigger i ignored it - until a rather minor thing triggered me too far and i haven't overcome it yet - i had horrible images of what i could to do myself - and they have been tauting my mind for hours now and i don't think they will go until i do what i see - which would be mightly unsafe
i'm also begining to freak out over an exam - its going to be my worst one and its this week - i keep thinking of ODing after having a triggering conversation with somebody last night and things are really pilling up inside now
each hour i dont do a thing to myself i want to destroy myself deeper and harder and cause more damage - and i dont know for hoow long my pointless distractions are going to hold on
a part of me knows im wasting my times to post this but a part of me is hoping this will help so right now i'm following a minischule of hope
i just dont know how long i can go without just destroying everything
sorry

[celuthea]

*hugs* It's good that you are recognising the urges for what they are, and using distraction techniques to cope with them. That is so good - I still can't do that, and I've been recovering for 7 years!

You need to tell yourself that you can beat the feelings, no matter how bad they are. The gremlin in your head that makes you want to hurt yourself doesn't deserve you to follow what he says, so believe that you are strong enough.

Don't stress too much about your exam; they are always better when you are there in the exam room, and if you've done some revision, you'll be absolutely fine.

[yourockmysocks]

Is there any way you can get your feelings out without hurting something? I have always found it very relieving to break crockery but that just might trigger you further. Would it help to revise for your exam? If studying makes it worse then kick the exam to the back of your mind. You will do better if you feel better. Try not to worry about it because it will just stress you out. Do you have a friend you can talk to?

[simi]

hi your doing really well hanging on.. have you tried the icecube thing?
when is your exam? it may be worth taking a break if you can afford it and just have a day to unwind
if you want to talk pm me or msn
*hugs*
xxx

[eyes.wide.open]

hey
good for you for trying distractions, that great already.
i get those thoughts too. really graphic ones about what i could do to myself. what i find helps is like.. draw or write out what you want to do to yourself.. how bad you feel.. why you think u feel like that.. all of the bad things.. just like draw of write them out. then destroy them. rip up the paper and flush it down the toilet... burn it etc.
i find getting the feelings out then destroying them helps a bittt for me, it might be worth a try?
keep going, you can do it !!!!!!!

and PS: never be sorry for posting !!!!

[TinkerDebs]

thanks for the replies - the exam is on wednesday - but no matter hard how i revise i cant do it - its my weakness
i've ben emersed in revsion for 3 hoursa to stop myself
a friend is playing bejewelled with me
i asked my neighbour if she could come oevr - she tells me off for not asking ehr for help - and the one time i do she was out - :( but i'm still actively distracting myself
nothing can blcok the images though - and drawing wont help this because i know once i see it in reality - that'll be the last straw
done the ice cubes already - the numbness got me through an hour before it stopped working
i'm gonna still try to distract myself
thoiugh i fear the clock is ticking :'(
thanks to all

[simi]

*extra hugs*