Triggering (Suicide) - i just want to die *ED* *SI*

[Cacoethes]

i have a plan
it would be so easy
im almost certain it would work
i have the number for a crisis team
but im too scared to call
im so tired
i want to sleep
i want to sleep forever
i cant distract myself anymore
run out of laxatives
making everything worse
i need them so badly
my mum has been told not to give me any money
so i cant spend it on laxatives
WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ME
DO THEY LIKE TO SEE ME FUCKING SUFFER LIKE THIS

[Cacoethes]

i know im a selfish, horrible person
but i could use some support
i dont know what i want people to say
i dont know

[Lil'MissLaLa]

Im not sure really what to say becasue i feel very much the same tbh. Just know that all feelings dont last forever and that what your experiencing just now will pass in time. Just hang on in there.
much love and hugs
xx

[Cacoethes]

thanks for replying

everything seems so hopeless
like nothing will ever get better
my support worker is calling on monday
just wondering if i will make it til then
or if i will be able to tell her
i suppose im just ranting a bit
and i probably dont even make sense

*hugs* it will get better. you gotta believe that. you've made it this far; you're really strong.

pm me if you ever need someone to talk to.

[the darkness inside me]

please dont die becky:(

if you die then who will be my tootles?

not everyone hates you, i freaking love you!!!

[Cacoethes]

i feel like ive tried everything else
my eip worker is calling tomorrow
im going to try and talk to her
but its scary

[Lil'MissLaLa]

I know its scary hun, but you have the strength to do it. Keep fighting and never give up hope *hugs tight* xx

[Cacoethes]

thanks

i feel im all out of strength
plans going round and round my head
the voices arnt helping either
and i cant get to sleep because every night there is a fallen angel outside my window.
i dont know what it wants from me

[-neamless-]

people don't hate you, they are not trying to make you suffer, they are trying to help you, because they care and don't want you to suffer. I'm sure you know how much damage laxative abuse can and does do, and peopel don't want to see you have that happen to you. they want you to be well, and happy

[Cacoethes]

im sure i will never be happy again
thats how i feel right now
might as well end it now
rather than go through the rest of my life like this

there is the possibility you will recover. many people just have to take a lot of time with it. maybe you haven't found the right meds yet. but it's too soon to give up. and there's a lot of people who care about you; i'm sure they don't hate you.

[Cacoethes]

im sure lots of people hate me
im not a very nice person
i feel like i have no purpose in life at all
or ever will have
voices driving me crazy

[Cacoethes]

Im so triggered
i want to cut deeper than i ever have before
i really do
i told my support worker i was feeling suicidal
she is calling tomorrow and seeing me on wednesday
im wondering if i can last that long
i just feel so crap
i should be happy
ive finished my exams
im off school until the 8th
WHY AM I NOT HAPPY

[celuthea]

Don't feel bad for not being happy; it's a part of the depression, and it will pass. You are strong enough to last until your support worker gets there, just believe in yourself *huggles* xxx

[Cacoethes]

im going to try
having a bit of a laxative crisis
havnt had them in a few days now
i feel so so tired
i feel myself slipping
i cant be bothered to do anything
except come on ryl and watch family guy
cant be bothered to shower, change
just dont see the point

[Cacoethes]

im feeling so low
worse than i was yesterday
i have to be ok
i have a job interview tomorrow
i have to be ok
why am i not ok
if i get the job i will probably spend all my money on fucking laxatives
im such a pathetic fucking failure
WHY AM I NOT OK