I don't deserve to be here... I really don't... I wish that those hikers never found me... that I'd have died out there on the moors...
today I spent over 30 mins on a bridge... running through jumping over and over in my mind... but then Jack phoned me...
but now he's not here... he's got to go to a funeral tomorrow so is away until saturday night... got 2 days... could do so much in 2 days...
but then... when he comes back what would happen? I can't hurt him like that can I?
but... he'd be so much better off without me... in the long run...
god... I wishthat those few days would stop repeting in my mind... sitting on the moors... taking things... trying to slit wrists... but the pills had taken too much effect... I waited too long... delayed too long... I can't even do that right... I'd worked it all out... the combination of pills, the quanities, the timings... worked it all out... still failed... killed child, not me...
Sweetie you are a good person, I really wish you could see that. You are not evil your mind is just telling you bad things that aren't true. Have you spoken to your boyfriend about how you are feeling or anyone in real life? Please try and stay safe.
Amy x
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
Aww sweetheart *cuddles* do you think you could talk to your GP or psych/therapist/cpn if you have one? This is obviously a very distressing thing that has happened in your life and you need to get help to get through it before it makes you do something you might regret. Keep strong.
Amy x
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
A CPN is a community psychiatric nurse.
Whenever you tell someone it will be scary as there are a lot of emotions around the subject so it leaves you feeling vulnerable and it is obviously distressing you a lot. Have you ever tried to write it down how you feel about it? Sometimes writing things down is easier and then you can just show it to a person rather than having to say everything. This is something you should try and address in therapy to try and accept it and move on with your life and possibly try again for a baby if that os what you and your partner want.
'Cause I'll always remember you the same.
Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change ♥
after not very long I woke up... or I thing I woke up... I could feel pressure on me, like someone on me... pressing down on me.. I couldn't breathe... I could feel hands roung my neck... strangleing me... killing me... I feared opening eyes...
I screamed... and screamed.... I could see him... he was there... alying on me...
my neighbor came to the door and shouted in to see if I was ok... then said she was going to call poilce...
I managed to get to door and tell her all was ok...
I really am...
