mum thinks its her fault

forgettable · 10-07-2007, 08:29 PM

sorry for posting twice in a week but i need help....
ok. my mum knows about my depression and we were watching that program 'shrink rap' with stephen fry talking about his suicide attempts and feelings of depression. watching with my mum made me really uncomfortable but i didnt want to leave because i could relate to what he was saying and it would have been realy suspicious to walk out at the mention of suicide.
after a bit about his difficult childhood my mum said that she kept wondering if my illness was her fault.
i really didn't know what to say- it's not her fault- she's always been great and i wanted to tell her that and so much more but i never open up to anyone especially not my mum and i just sort of mumbled that it wasn't her fault and went to the loo.
now i feel awful that she thinks she's part of the cause of my depression and i know she's going to ask me if my meds are helping again but i find it all impossible to talk about and i don't want to write her a letter because i don't want it to be as formal or serious as that. i need her to know that its not her fault but that i cant talk about it. i feel so guilty. help?

Stellata · 10-07-2007, 08:38 PM

This maybe sounds really obvious, but.. how about writing her a letter? Maybe buy her a nice card, and write it in that?

Candescence. · 10-07-2007, 08:44 PM

Forgettable, how would you feel if your Mum died tomorrow (God forbid) and you never got to tell her the truth because you're too stubborn to open up to her? How would you feel about that?
Do BOTH yourselves a favour and open up to her. It'll make you feel a whole lot better for a start to get it off you chest, and it'll give your mum a peace of mind that she needs. She'll most probably be pleased that you have the courage to open up to her, because it's understandable that it isn't that easy.
Just get her on her own and talk to her - tell her what she needs to hear. Put your personal pride aside and do this for both your goods.

FreeDilbert · 10-07-2007, 10:52 PM

I have a similar thing with my partner, she always blames herself as failing me whenever I get depressed. Last time all i could think to say was.

"I love you, this isn't your fault, and I'm sorry, but you can't help me"

Generally people who love you will always feel guilty that they can't solve all of your problems. If they don't feel like they're helping or that they're not doing enough, just remind them that there unconditional love is all the support you can ask for.